Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 476, October 23-24, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!Please Visit Our Sponsors
Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 476, October 23-24, 2007
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!
Please Visit Our Sponsors
* Self Improvement and Personal
Growth Weekly Newsletter *
Issue # 476, Week of October 23-24, 2007
Publisher: David Riklan -
http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Personal Growth Products and Services
-- Article: Starting Over - By Ariel & Shya Kane
-- Article: Vision and Belief Are Like Cookies and (Chocolate) Milk - By Lori
Radun, CEC
-- Book Review: Fearproof Your Life: How to THRIVE in a World Addicted to Fear -
By Joseph Bailey
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers - 261,659 subscribers
Removal instructions are listed at the
end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it
be lost. - Charles Caleb Colton, 1780-1832, British Author and Clergyman
Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is. - Vince Lombardi, 1913-1970,
American Football Coach
Success is dependent upon the glands -- sweat glands. - Zig Ziglar, American
Sales Trainer and Motivational Author/Speaker
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*** Personal Growth Products and Services ***
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* Keep Oil Rigs Out! *
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* FEARPROOF YOUR LIFE: Thrive in a World Addicted to Fear * With 24/7 news
decrying the latest terrorist attack, natural disaster or widespread epidemic,
efforts to control the unknown and keep ourselves safe have lead to an unhealthy
addiction to fear. Joseph Bailey guides us through a process of self discovery
that can immunize us from fear.
http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/fearproof.html
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** How to Add a Description of Your Website Here ** If you want to share
information about your website, your business or your book in our newsletter,
please go to the following webpage and fill out the form. Visit our website at
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----------------------------------------------------
*** Article: Starting Over - By Ariel & Shya Kane ***
----------------------------------------------------
Have you ever found yourself in one of those moods where no matter what your
partner says or does, it is all fodder for the fight? Where you are angry,
disturbed, and nothing he or she says or does is "right" or good enough to
relieve your feeling of aggravation?
We recently met a couple, "Hal" and "Mary," involved in one of these altered
states of consciousness. They came to speak to us about their relationship and
how, no matter what they did, it always ended in upset and distress, and their
fight never seemed to completely resolve. Oh, sure, it abated from time to time,
but the embers of disagreement were always just below a thin skin, ready to
erupt at any time.
The funny thing about it was that they were both right, from their individual
points of view. From Hal's point of view, "She would always..."
and from Mary's point of view, he was wrong, and all of her friends agreed with
her take on the situation. This couple had a list of grievances that dated back
to early in their relationship. These were past events over which the two of
them continued to disagree.
Hal and Mary had in their relationship fundamental behavior patterns that we
have seen in other intimate relationships where nothing seems to resolve. No
matter how much they had tried to change or fix the situation, it continued to
stay the same or got worse. So they came to us, looking at whether or not they
should remain together. Their situation was further complicated by the fact that
they had a 16-month-old child together. By now, the sense of intimacy between
the two of them had completely eroded, and while they were very devoted to their
daughter, she had become the focal point of many of their fights.
The real problem was that Mary and Hal, for all of their strife, were obviously
still in love with each other. They just couldn't find a way to sidestep the old
grievances which kept resurfacing that set them battling against their will.
Our usual approach to sorting out a disagreement between two people is to find
out where it all started and what happened that initiated the fight.
When asked what caused this behavior in the first place, both Hal and Mary had
their reasons for what the other did or didn't do that created the situation,
and both of them were "right" from their point of view.
Apparently, we had a stalemate or deadlock. No matter what you come up with,
each person seems justified in his or her experience that the other is the cause
of the stress, upset, and dissatisfaction. This is normal for most relationships
that find themselves in trouble.
In situations like the one with Hal and Mary, where they have been together
several years, the starting point of the disagreement is obscured forever.
So what do you do to alleviate the pain when you are locked in a habituated way
of relating that seems to have no beginning and no end but keeps accelerating in
its frequency, intensity, and duration?
At some point the reasons why you are upset become irrelevant because everything
becomes grounds for the disturbance. It has been unresolved for so long that
there is no way to go back and fix all of the grievances and transgressions. So
what do you do then? You can leave each other, which is what a lot of loving
relationships devolve into... it's called divorce. You can punish each other
perpetually and live a life of complaint and pain. Or, you can start over.
Here is how we have done it. There have been times in our relationship when we
have found ourselves fighting, and we could not find a way out of the
disagreement in which we were locked. Finally, we came up with a device that
allowed us to stop fighting. This is what happened.
One day, we were driving into New York City, and for whatever the reason, we
were deeply engaged in disagreeing with each other. It escalated, and like a
sore tooth that you play with, with your tongue, we couldn't seem to leave it
alone. Our silences were noisy, very noisy. And each of us was certain that we
were right in our own point of view and that the other was simply wrong. We each
felt picked on and misunderstood. It didn't feel good to be this way, but there
didn't seem to be a way to resolve the conflict.
Finally, we came up with the idea of Starting Over. We picked out an overpass
ahead on the highway and said, "When we go under that overpass, it is Over."
This meant that as soon as our car passed that spot, we were going to operate as
if this disagreeable conversation had never taken place. So on we drove. It took
discipline at first to resist the temptation of thinking about the altercation
that had just happened, but we kept bringing our thoughts and conversation back
to current things such as what we could see out of the window and our plans for
the day rather than rehashing the past.
We can't remember now what our fight was about. It had seemed so important at
the time, but now the details have faded into obscurity. We knew that the fight
could fade away for Hal and Mary, too, if given a chance, and so we suggested to
them starting over. We warned them it would be challenging to not keep
habitually going back to the past gripes, but they grew excited and intrigued at
the idea.
That night, Hal and Mary had a date. They had not been on a real, live date
since before their child was born. They talked of things they hadn't in a long
time and flirted and actually had fun. When they had been fighting, their sense
of intimacy had severely diminished, and they had grown cold to each other. Now
the heat that had been lost was rekindled.
Weeks later, Mary emailed us to say that our consulting session with them had
been a miracle. We agreed. Sometimes, something as simple as starting over can
have miraculous results.
About the Authors:
Ariel & Shya Kane teach tools for living in the moment and undoing the knee-jerk
behaviors that get in the way of living life with ease. Since 1988, their
revolutionary approach has inspired individuals, couples, and organizations
across the globe, including at the United Nations Society of Enlightenment and
Transformation. The Kanes are expert guides who, with great skill and humor,
bring people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of
the moment. Acting as Catalysts for Personal Transformation, the Kanes provide
ongoing consulting and seminars for a range of clients from individuals and
couples to entrepreneurs and Fortune 500 companies. The Kanes have produced
seven successful audio titles and have presented transformational seminars both
nationally and throughout Europe, in Central and South America, Australia and
Indonesia. Their transformational approach has a unique flavor that is designed
for modern day circumstances and complexities, while resonating with universal
truths of the ages. For more information, visit
http://www.ask-inc.com
Check out the Experts page for Ariel & Shya Kane, the Official SelfGrowth.com
Guides to Self Realization:
http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/ariel_and_shya_kane.html
*****
Top Radio Show "Being Here" from Award-winning Authors Ariel & Shya Kane
Since its first broadcast on May 15, 2007, "Being Here," Ariel & Shya Kane's
radio show on the Voice America 7th Wave network, the largest producer of
Internet talk radio programming in the world, has exceeded expectations and
continually been one of the most listened-to shows on the network. The Kanes are
internationally acclaimed, award-winning authors, seminar leaders, and
consultants whose transformational approach allows people to discover
satisfaction and increased productivity in all areas of their lives, without
working on their "problems."
During its first full month, "Being Here" quickly became one of the top shows on
the network, with more listeners than the average first-time show.
In the month of July, their show garnered a high number of listeners from around
the world, again taking the lead. "Being Here," which broadcasts Wednesdays at
12 p.m. EST (9 a.m. PST) is an ordinary person's guide to Modern Day
Enlightenment that opens the door to living in the moment. The show features a
different discussion topic each week, such as Transformational Parenting, Fun as
the Access Way to Enlightenment, Creativity & Intuition, and Listening. The
Kanes invite listeners to join them in Being Here, which can transform even an
ordinary circumstance into a profoundly moving, enlightening event. During the
hour-long broadcasts, listeners are invited to call in, and the Kanes often
feature guests -- ordinary people living extraordinary lives -- to share tips
and discuss the details of how living in the moment has made their lives easier
and more satisfying. After hitting the ground running, the Kanes will continue
their popular show for the next year.
Learn more at
http://www.ask-inc.com/beinghere_va.shtml
----------------------------------------------------
*** Article: Vision and Belief Are Like Cookies and (Chocolate) Milk - By Lori
Radun, CEC ***
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Maybe you would disagree, but to me, cookies and milk is a match made in heaven.
They just go together. Can you enjoy cookies without milk? Sure, as long as they
are Oreos or homemade chocolate chip cookies. Is a glass of milk refreshing by
itself? Personally, I can't drink plain white milk, so it must be chocolate
milk. Cookies and milk are good by themselves, but put them together, and you
have a perfect recipe for a satisfying dessert or snack. A little sugar, a
little chocolate, some protein, and added calcium for our bones. Can't beat it!
Vision and belief is another perfect match in life. Without a vision, you don't
know where you are going. Even if you believe in yourself, you will still wander
around with no direction. Likewise, if you have a vision, but don't believe you
can get there, you won't move very far. You need both vision and belief.
What is your vision? Vision is your ability to clearly see what you want in your
life. Getting clear happens when we focus on what is important to us, and tap
into who we are, with all our dreams and passions. Some of us have a business
vision. Others have a vision of how they want their marriage or family to look.
Maybe you have a plan for what you want to accomplish in the next day, week, or
month. Our vision can be a short-term or long-term picture, or both.
For example, as a parent, I have a vision of who I want my child to be when he
goes off to college in another two years. I picture him being responsible with
his academics, able to take care of himself, and having the skills he needs to
function in an adult world, without my supervision. Without this vision, I
cannot see what I need to do as a parent to prepare him for the future. Does he
know how to wash and iron his clothes? Can he fix himself a nutritious meal? Are
his study habits and choices going to ensure him reasonable success in college?
If not, I have some work to do. With a vision, I can see where I am today
compared to where I want to be in the future. A vision highlights the gaps and
helps you set forward-moving goals.
Belief is what gives you the confidence that you can realize your vision. Do you
believe in yourself and have faith that you can accomplish whatever you set your
mind to? If not, you will get stuck or sabotage your success.
Belief requires us to take an honest look at our strengths, and own them. It is
not going to be helpful to focus on what we believe we lack. The world will
deliver to you exactly what you believe you deserve. If you believe you deserve
to be paid $50,000 for your skills and expertise, and you act as if you truly
believe it, someone will pay you $50,000.
My son is a naturally talented baseball player. He has speed, the ability to hit
on both sides of the plate, and his coach says he has a "cannon" at the end of
his arm. His peers on the football team recently commented, "You know Kai is a
really good baseball player, but he needs to have more confidence in himself."
People will pick up on a lack of belief -- we act differently when we feel
insecure, and our energy reflects that. I always tell my son, "You have to
visualize walking up to the plate, see the ball thrown from the pitcher's hand,
and picture yourself crushing the ball into a gap in the outfield. You have to
believe, in the deepest part of your soul, that you can hit the ball."
What do you want for your life, and how do you see yourself? Do you have a
crystal clear vision, and the belief it takes to realize your goals? If not, go
have some cookies and milk and think about what you need to do to develop vision
and belief.
About the Author:
Lori Radun, CEC is a certified personal development coach and professional
speaker. To receive personal development tips from Lori and the special report
"5 Tips for Maximizing Your Time," go to
http://www.loriradun.com
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*** Book Review: Fearproof Your Life: How to THRIVE in a World Addicted to Fear
- By Joseph Bailey ***
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Throughout time, we have sought peace and safety by trying to out-guess the
unknown. We have tried to prepare for the unexpected and the apparitions of our
minds. In an age of 24-hour cable news, when we can stay glued to the latest
terrorist attack or natural disaster, the next epidemic, and what the pundits
tell us we should be afraid of, our efforts to control the unknown and keep
ourselves safe have led to a collective as well as a personal sensation of fear.
We have become addicted to fear.
"Fear locks us in an illusionary sand castle of protection with a false sense of
security from demons, dangers, and all that we dread. Each day the tide of truth
sweeps in and destroys our tentative hold on security. No matter how often the
castle of illusory control is destroyed, the ego rebuilds it with fearful,
vigilant thoughts. This cycle has all the trappings and symptoms of any
addiction: denial, rationalization, projection, increased tolerance to the
substance (in this case, fear), imbalance that seems normal, and increased
harmful and fatal consequences that we minimize and blame on others." --from the
book
But we don't need to be adrenaline junkies. "Fearproof Your Life" guides us
through a process of how discovering who we truly are immunizes us from our own
fears, as well as those of others. Bailey takes us through a process of knowing,
listening to, and honoring our own unique True Self, of being willing to listen
to our truth and act from it, without seeking approval, of being willing to
forgive ourselves and others and take responsibility for what we create.
*****
The list price of this book is $17.95. To purchase it from Amazon.com for
$12.21, a 32% discount, go directly to
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1573243078/selfimprovemeonlA/
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*** Brief News of the World ***
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Positive:
* A Life Saver Called "Plumpynut": Anderson Cooper Reports On A Nutritional
Breakthrough *
You've probably never heard a good news story about malnutrition, but you're
about to. Every year, malnutrition kills five million children -- that's one
child every six seconds. But now, the Nobel Prize-winning relief group "Doctors
Without Borders" says it finally has something that can save millions of these
children. (Click here for complete news story)
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/10/19/60minutes/main3386661.shtml
* New York students up and running *
Khalil Colon was sweaty but smiling after 25 jumping jacks and 20 laps around
the school gym. A year ago, the 9-year-old said, running made him feel "like I'm
about to drop on the middle of the floor." "But now I can run 20 laps and I'm
not even tired," said Khalil. Twenty laps is the magic number because it is a
mile. Khalil is one of 20,000 New York City schoolchildren enrolled in the
Mighty Milers, a program run by the New York Road Runners Foundation that aims
to get kids up and running. (Click here for complete news story)
http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/diet.fitness/10/22/fitness.mightymilers.ap/index.html
* Ebert to Be Honored at Gotham Awards *
Roger Ebert will be honored at the 17th annual Gotham Awards for a career of
championing independent cinema. The 65-year-old film critic will receive the
honor at the Nov. 27 event at Brooklyn's Steiner Studios. The Gotham Awards
celebrate independent movies and films set in New York. An official announcement
of the Ebert tribute was planned for Monday. (Click here for complete news
story)
http://www.happynews.com/news/10192007/ebert-honored-gotham-awards.htm
** For more positive news, please visit
http://www.selfgrowth.com/news.html
Other:
* Inventor: Scans reveal Mona Lisa secrets *
For centuries, the "Mona Lisa" has beguiled art buffs unable to resist
speculating on its origins and meaning. Now a French inventor claims to have
some answers, including the fate of the enigmatic subject's famously missing
eyebrows and lashes. Parisian engineer Pascal Cotte says his ultra-detailed
digital scans of the painting allow him to effectively burrow through layers of
paint to "see" into the past of Leonardo Da Vinci's 16th-century portrait of a
Florentine merchant's wife. (Click here for complete news story)
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071022/ap_on_sc/mona_lisa_mystery;_ylt=AsO5Yn1yQ1RvGoaJcT55Yf.s0NUE
* College Tuition and Fees Rise 6.6 Pct.: Average Tuition and Fees at Four-Year
Public Colleges Rise 6.6 Percent This Year *
Average tuition and fees at four-year public colleges rose 6.6 percent this
year, again outstripping increases in financial aid and pushing students into
more borrowing. Community colleges once again did the best job keeping the lid
on prices. In-state students at four-year public schools are paying
$6,185 this year, up $381 from last year, according to the nonprofit College
Board's annual survey of college costs, released Monday. At four-year private
colleges, tuition and fees rose 6.3 percent to $23,712. (Click here for complete
news story)
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/LifeStages/wireStory?id=3759797&Business=true
* At Fast-Food Joints, Try the Secret Menu: Unimaginable Fast-Food Combos Are
Available for Those Who Utter the Right Code Words at the Take-Out Counter *
In-N-Out Burger. 6:00 p.m. I say to my girlfriend in line beside me, "I want a
burger, but I'm tired of all that bun." A bearded 20-something walks past and
says, "Protein style, lady." Confused, I look at the menu. No mention there. But
the cheerful teen behind the counter nods approvingly and asks, "You want it
that way, wrapped in lettuce, not a bun?" Great idea, I say.
And just like that, I'm in on the secret. Menu, that is. (Click here for
complete news story)
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/CSM/story?id=3751840&page=1