Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 507, May 27-28, 2008
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!Please Visit Our Sponsors
Self Improvement Newsletter
Issue # 507, May 27-28, 2008
FREE Self
Improvement Newsletter, Click here!
Please Visit Our Sponsors
* Self Improvement and
Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter *
Issue # 507, Week of May 27-28, 2008
Publisher: David Riklan -
http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Recommended Product of the Week
-- Article: Having a High "Havingness Quotient" - By Lynn Scheurell
-- Article: When Nagging Gets in the Way - By Gina Gardiner
-- Book Review: Success Intelligence: Essential Lessons and Practices from the
World's Leading Coaching Program on Authentic Success - By Robert Holden, Ph.D.
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers - 266,889 subscribers
Removal instructions are listed at the end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a
great example. - Benjamin Disraeli, 1804-1881, British Statesman and Literary
Figure
Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and
go in. - Andrew Jackson, 1767-1845, 7th President of the United States
Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man.
- Louis Nizer, 1902-1994, British-born American Lawyer
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*** Recommended Product of the Week ***
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*** Article: Having a High "Havingness Quotient" - By Lynn Scheurell ***
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"You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant
aspiration." - James Allen
Imagine that you've gotten everything you ever wanted -- the life partner, the
house, the car, the clothes, the physique, the friends, the money, the
lifestyle...
Now what?
If you're like most humans, it's likely that you'll sabotage yourself in "having
it all." We here in the Western world are actually socialized to be in
continuous striving; that is, we don't know how to have and enjoy everything
we've worked for and received because if we have it, our culture says we're not
working hard enough, or infers that we don't know what to do if we don't have
tangible goals.
Imagine a train chugging up a steep incline, with its engine working hard...
when it gets to the top, what does it do? It goes down -- logic says that
there's no other way to go. But what if there WAS another way? What if when the
train got to the top, it got to cruise along a plateau rather than drop down? If
you can now put yourself in that picture as the train, you'll see that you
naturally keep working hard (going up) or know how to cope with not having the
top (going down); however, you likely don't know how to cruise the topmost
plateau you've attained. I call this the "Havingness Quotient." It doesn't
exactly roll off the tongue, but it is descriptive.
The higher your "Havingness Quotient," the easier it will be for you to hold on
to and enjoy your achievements -- and vice-versa. You might even think of this
as "abundance self-esteem." If you have a low "Havingness Quotient," you will
proportionately experience the "downside" of what you want and work toward. In
that case, you will find yourself comfortably in discomfort as you "re-tread"
what you've always done. So how do you increase your "Havingness Quotient"?
Three Things You Can Do Today:
1. Ask for more than enough. Often people don't think big enough in terms of
their own abundance (including fees for their services!). Our limited thinking
and expectations will keep us in the work hard mode, chugging up our personal
hills. Ask for the most you think you can have -- and then double it! The first
time you do that, it can be mind-blowing... one of my clients asked for $4,000
in income monthly, which when doubled, became $8,000. This was inconceivable to
her, until she reconciled her books the next month -- she discovered she
actually generated $9,000 that month for the first time in her life!
2. Watch where you are giving. We cannot enjoy our own "Havingness Quotient" if
we give away all the good stuff. Part of the reason that we are here is to ENJOY
what we are creating. Now, that's not to say you shouldn't share -- I'm all
about that! However, if you are a chronic over-giver (and I know that one
personally!), you need to consider where you are leaking what you have because
it could be draining your "Havingness," which keeps you in overwork and less
joyful for your own benefit.
3. Look at your self-sabotage patterns. The good news about being human is that
we can be our own observers. We can actually see where we are tripping ourselves
up if we look closely enough because it's a familiar pattern. I see clients who
go into "drama" or focus on external "noise" because they don't know how to
handle abundance. Others will go 90 percent of the way and then quit on a nearly
successful project, and I've seen others yet who stay in the preparation for the
preparation of the preparation... you get the idea. They're not moving forward.
It could be that people don't know how to be if they're not striving anymore --
they just don't know what to expect if they have it all. Look at where you are
potentially sabotaging your own "Havingness."
My intention is that you receive and enjoy all that you want and more... because
if you increase your "Havingness Quotient," you are living on purpose and you're
setting a positive example, which will ultimately benefit everyone around you.
About the Author:
Lynn Scheurell, Creative Catalyst, works with soul-driven entrepreneurs to
create a livelihood from their true purpose. This type of business development
requires extreme personal clarity in combination with innovation and active
implementation of proven business practices. Download a free report to learn
"The Seven Deadly Mistakes That Keep Soul-Driven Business Owners from Making
Money" at
http://www.mycreativecatalyst.com
Check out the Experts page for
Lynn Scheurell, the Official SelfGrowth.com Guide to Purpose of Life.
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*** Article: When Nagging Gets in the Way - By Gina Gardiner ***
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Whether you are working with your partner, your teenage children, or a work
colleague, the principle is the same. What you say and the way in which it is
said, the tone of voice, the words you use, and the timing of when things are
said all have the capacity to widen the gap between you and the other person, to
let them off the hook as they can rationalize your nagging as unreasonable, or
to make them think.
If you want things to be different, you have to change old patterns of behavior.
Listening to yourself and understanding what that triggers in the other person
is a vital step to creating a different future. This article uses the
relationship between workaholics and their partners as the focus, but you can
use the principles when dealing with any relationship.
Most partners of workaholics feel neglected; they see themselves taking second
place to their partners work. Clients often describe how their partner will take
the time and trouble to listen to a member of their staff far more readily than
they do them or their children. "If they loved me enough they would want to
spend time with me." They make the assumption that it is lack of love which
causes their partner to spend long hours away from them. Their frustrations and
sense of loneliness take over, and as soon as their partner gets home, the
frustrations spill over and they share how they are feeling and the
recriminations begin.
Like so many of the strategies we use when we are feeling un-resourced, it is
incredibly unproductive. Despite the fact that the strategy rarely works, many
partners (and parents) find they go into nag mode knowing it is destined to fail
and make them feel bad into the bargain. Einstein's definition of madness is to
carry on doing the same thing even though we know it doesn't work. Yet millions
of us continue to behave in a set way long after we know it is failing. This is
not about blaming. We do the best we can given the personal resources at our
disposal. What we want to do is to help you feel you have a wider range of
resources at your disposal and the choice when to use them.
To understand why it fails so often, you need to take a step back and take a
long hard look at what is really going on. Understanding what is actually
happening can also give you the opportunity to behave differently.
Most workaholics are workaholics because of some deep seated need within
themselves. Many are driven to succeed on terms which only they can define as
they push themselves long after most people would feel highly successful. For
some, it is the dread of failure rather than the pull of success which drives
them. A poor sense of self-worth developed in childhood, the need to feel
significant by doing things for others, or having external verification of worth
are all common reasons for people feeling more secure in their working life than
in their personal life.
You know your partner well. Consider what is driving them. Think about the
relationship they had with their parents, siblings, or at school.
Partners will often respond disproportionately to a particular tone of voice or
to being told that they have failed. It often hits a deep seated raw nerve which
has been created during their formative years. The nagging becomes synonymous
with a parent telling them how useless they are or a teacher or class bully
belittling them.
Over the next few days, just listen to yourself. Put yourself into the shoes of
the other person and consider how you would respond.
Be honest with yourself, but be constructive. This is not about blaming. It is
about seeing more clearly why things have gone wrong and doing your best to find
a productive way forward for you and your partner. Finding a win-win solution is
always best. Making it a competition between you and their work is a risky
business.
Over the next few days, think about how you handle yourself when dealing with
your partner. You are the only person you can truly control. Think about what
you truly want. If you want to change the relationship you have with your
partner for the better, then simply waiting for them to change is unlikely to
give you the result you want. To change things for the better, you have to make
the decision to change the one person in your power. That is YOU.
Think about the way in which you speak, when you choose to bring things up, and
how you couch things. Pouncing on your partner as soon as they come in tired and
irritable from work is probably not the most productive time to talk about how
unreasonable you think they are, at least not if you want them to truly listen
to you. Run the conversation in your head and plan to do it differently. As a
general rule of thumb, make a distinction between how you feel about them and
their behavior. "I love you very much, but I find ------ really difficult." Keep
calm and try not to see it as a point scoring exercise.
Making a change to your approach can make a difference over time. Be realistic;
if your partnership has been rocky for an extended period of time, it can take
time for a new strategy to work.
About the Author:
Gina Gardiner is one of the UK's leading Leadership Coaches. Gina supports
people at individual or organizational levels to develop confidence, leadership,
and people skills. Gina is the author of two books, "Kick Start Your Career" and
"How YOU Can Manage Your Staff More Effectively," and is also a Neuro Linguistic
Master Practitioner and a qualified coach. To download her free management
ecourse, go to
http://www.graduatesolutions.co.uk
Check out the Experts page for
Gina Gardiner, the Official SelfGrowth.com Guide to Team Building.
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*** Book Review: Success Intelligence: Essential Lessons and Practices from the
World's Leading Coaching Program on Authentic Success - By Robert Holden, Ph.D.
***
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What is success? Is it measured by how fast your investment portfolio is
growing, how many goals you've checked off your life list, or how many e-mails
you can answer before breakfast?
In our manic age of overnight delivery, speed dating, and express everything,
the pursuit of happiness is accelerating to a breakneck pace. We work harder
instead of smarter and confuse what's urgent with what's important. Instead of
connecting deeply with our loved ones, we use shorthand messages and rushed
encounters to "catch up" on their news. And the faster we go, the more we leave
in the dust: our creativity, our health, and our sense of joy. This powerful
book makes the crucial distinction between living fast and living well -- and
helps us arrive at a new definition of success in our work, in our
relationships, and within ourselves.
With humor, compassion, and a deep understanding of the human potential for both
pain and joy, psychologist Robert Holden, Ph.D., explains that the key is not
greater effort, but greater wisdom. Drawing on 20 years of work with clients
from all walks of life -- business leaders, writers and artists, professional
athletes, and entrepreneurs -- he guides us through a process of searching
self-inquiry to examine our ideas of happiness, remove the limits to our
potential, and set goals that engage our whole being.
Through stories, exercises, and dozens of Success Intelligence Tips, Holden
helps us discern the ultimate purpose of success for each of us: not only to
live our own life to the fullest, but to be "a friend to the world."
About the Author:
Robert Holden, Ph.D., is the Director of The Happiness Project and Success
Intelligence. His innovative work on happiness and success has been featured on
Oprah and in two major BBC-TV documentaries, "The Happiness Formula" and "How to
Be Happy," shown in 16 countries to more than 30 million television viewers.
Robert is a consultant and coach to leading brands and organizations such as
Dove, Virgin, The Body Shop, and Comic Relief. He gives public lectures
worldwide and has shared the stage with Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Patch Adams,
and Paul McKenna. He's the author of ten best-selling books, including
"Happiness NOW!," "Success Intelligence," and "Shift Happens!" Go to
http://www.happiness.co.uk
*****
When you order "Success Intelligence," you'll receive some great FREE gifts...
and you'll have a chance to win a fantastic prize! Go to
http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/robertholden.html
The list price of this book is $26.95. To purchase it from Amazon.com for
$17.79, a 34% discount,
go here.
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*** Brief News of the World ***
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Positive:
* Madonna auctions off her lip gloss, white guitar: Pop diva spills purse, opens
wallet to raise money for AIDS research *
The Material Girl parted with a few personal possessions -- a custom-made white
guitar and the contents of her handbag -- at a benefit to raise money for AIDS
research. Madonna emptied her purse and came up with a magnifying mirror, hair
clips, skin blotting tissues and lip gloss. She put it on the block along with a
one-of-a-kind diamond-encrusted alligator bag donated by Chanel. The lot sold
for $472,000. (Click
here for complete news story)
* Animal refuge celebrates 30 years of saving lives *
Every animal at the Ramapo-Bergen Animal Refuge has a story. Irving, a pit bull
and Jack Russell terrier mix, was rescued from a city shelter after he was found
wandering the streets. The 1½-year-old is goofy and friendly but suffers from
retinal degeneration and is going blind. MuMu, a large domesticated brown tabby,
was found living on the street in December. She's friendly, curious and loves
people but is unhappy at the shelter because she's wary of other cats. (Click
here for complete news story)
* Yale gives Paul McCartney honorary music degree *
Paul McCartney can now add one more honor to the numerous awards, accolades and
the knighthood he has already received. The ex-Beatle on Monday was awarded an
honorary Doctor of Music degree from Yale University. In granting the honorary
degree to McCartney -- Sir Paul McCartney since he was knighted in 1996 -- the
university said no one compares with the legendary songwriter. (Click
here for complete news story)
** For more positive news, please visit
http://www.selfgrowth.com/news.html
Other:
* Group Salutes Vets by Helping Them Get Benefits: Detroit Law Students and
Professors Kick Off Nationwide Tour This Weekend *
As American veterans are honored today, more than half a million former
servicemen and servicewomen struggle to get the military benefits they were
promised. And as wounded vets from Iraq and Afghanistan continue to come home,
the problem is expected to get worse. The University of Detroit Mercy Law School
has started an organization called Project Salute in which law students and
professors give veterans free legal help in navigating the complex federal
bureaucracy to get the disability benefits they deserve. (Click
here for complete news story)
* New York to celebrate 400th anniversaries: Henry Hudson and Samuel de
Champlain made their journeys in 1609 *
When Virginia commemorated the 400th anniversary of the United States' first
permanent English settlement at Jamestown, the state spent about $15 million and
welcomed the queen of England and President George W. Bush to the celebration.
When New York state marks a pair of its own 400th anniversaries next year, it
will have $4 million to spend. The guests may include a member of the Dutch
royal family and a French or Canadian dignitary to be named later. (Click
here for complete news story)
* Remote controlled planes to explore hurricanes *
U.S. researchers are ramping up their use of unmanned, remote-controlled
airplanes this year to penetrate the heart of Atlantic hurricanes in the hope of
learning more about what makes the giant storms tick. But they will be flying
the rugged drones from the eastern Caribbean island of Barbados because American
aviation authorities won't let them launch the tiny aircraft from U.S. soil out
of concern they could endanger other planes. (Click
here for complete news story)