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Life can change in a heartbeat. A few weeks ago, a family was stopped at a red light and rear-ended by a drunk driver. Their 10-year old son, Matthew, suffered a severe head trauma and is in a medically induced coma. The prognosis is not good and the family struggles to make sense of what was an ... Views: 43
Whether it’s bipolar, depression, dementia or any other horrible mental disease, I don’t believe (at least in my findings) that many families can miss the boat.
Do you remember that new baby doll smell? I smelled it this morning when I was in the shower (A really good time for spirit ... Views: 162
When someone we love dies, a feeling of deep, painful grief is a natural and common response. Actually, grief can be triggered by the loss of anything we value, anything in which we have invested time, energy, a part of ourselves--a job, a work of art, a beloved pet. People who are divorcing are ... Views: 182
You have heard it before. Life is short, enjoy each day. Live every day like it is your last. Everything in life can change quickly. In a brief moment your life can be turned upside down. None of us know when we will die or when someone close to us will.
This is my story about the ... Views: 211
The song lyrics in “Joy to the World” and “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” say it all. Christmas is meant to be a season of cheer and happiness. Funnily enough, though, we women sometimes look for this feeling of joy in all the wrong places.
Who else has a mental checklist that ... Views: 234
In today’s fast-paced world, there is often the need for instant gratification, and when something doesn’t happen straight away, it can lead to all kinds of problems. This can be a time when someone will experience a strong emotional reaction, and the sooner they get what they want the sooner ... Views: 227
Contrary to some skeptics’ assessment, the near death experiences carry profound spiritual messages to humanity that can transform the individual and the collective. In this article, we see their implications to people who have different dispositions in life.
Smitten by a ... Views: 218
Facing Suicide Loss at the Holidays
Serious loss of any type is always re-triggered during the holidays. The holidays themselves are a kind of tribal celebration, thought to have originated in the hope that a celebration would help with the darker, shorter days. We are more confident and ... Views: 211
No matter how old someone is, there is a strong chance that they have experienced loss at one point or another. In fact, this could be something they have experienced on a number of occasions.
What this shows is that it is not necessary for one to reach a certain age before they lose someone ... Views: 309
On January 7th, 2016, my big sister, Lori Dempsey Robbins, passed away after an almost four year journey with ovarian cancer. Lori was 45 and the single mom of our 11 year old niece. She was my first friend and one of my greatest teachers.
Being with her through her illness and her death ... Views: 287
To view in your browser: http://joanpancoe.com/page-newsletter-details.php?nl=107
“The pain later is part of the happiness now.” From the movie Shadowlands
There’s no better time than a lazy summer’s day to meditate on the Buddhist “Eight Worldly Concerns” of which ... Views: 289
We are addicted to our stories. The thoughts come in and take us away on their magic carpet promise of arriving in a land of certainty, where the vulnerability and pain of life can't touch us. We learn early to climb aboard this carpet because, as young people, we usually don't know how to ... Views: 265
When someone has got something to do, they can get it done straight away or they can put it to one side and do something else. And when it comes to what is the best approach to take, it can all depend on what it is that needs to be done.
If one had a piece of furniture that needed to be ... Views: 399
If someone was to lose a family member or a close friend, it can be seen as something that will have a bigger impact on them than if they were to lose a pet. Based on this, if they were to experience life differently it could be said that something isn’t right.
Thus, if one was to ... Views: 399
It could have been your friend, your sister or your child. But somehow, over the course of your life, you have probably had someone come to you for comfort and consolation. They could have chosen you to allay their worries and sorrows after a long sad day. If we are all being honest, I'm sure we ... Views: 320
While there will be moments where one’s emotional experience reflects reality, there can also be moments when it doesn’t. In this case, it could be said that there is no reason for one to feel the way that they do.
However, even though there will be moments where it isn’t necessary for one ... Views: 514
If one had their eye on a new car and they were to take it for a drive, they are likely to find out that it drives well. Along with how it drives, it is also likely to be a comfortable experience.
So if they are currently driving a car that is on its way out, this experience is going to be ... Views: 564
If this is for you, let me say that my heart goes out to you, as I know from experience what it feels like when you are faced with this situation. There are decisions to be made, in order to keep your beloved fur-baby comfortable and as free from suffering as possible. It is heart-wrenching, no ... Views: 616
When someone experiences loss, their whole experience of life can change, and when this happens, it is not going to be possible for them to carry on as normal. The thoughts in their mind and the emotions in their body can be different, and the meaning of their life could also have altered.
... Views: 583
When one losses someone, they may feel the need to let go of their possessions soon after. Or if they don’t feel this way, the people around them may encourage them to have clear out, so to speak.
It could be said that the reason this would be seen as a good idea is that when something is ... Views: 537
When one experiences loss, it might be possible for them to carry on with the rest of their life; however, there is also the chance that they won’t be able to do this. In this case, it is could be quiet some time before they are able to do what they used to do before.
What this comes down to ... Views: 514
I grew up in the small city of Roseburg. Officially, I moved to Roseburg to its rolling green hills, from Salt Lake City, where I used to float in the Great Salt Lake when I was 10. In my 4th grade, I, and other students, participated in Roseburg’s Centennial where we dressed up like Sacajawea, ... Views: 361
While there are plenty of things that separate human beings, they are also plenty of things that bring them together. For instance, no matter what someone’s gender is or where they are from on this planet, they are still part of the human race.
There are of course many other ways in which ... Views: 552
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross defined the five stages of grief in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Grief is a deeply personal process and each individual experiences it on their own terms. Some may endure all five stages, others only a portion; some progress in a seemingly reasonable period of time, ... Views: 447
There are times when one can experience a loss and it won’t have much of an effect on them, and then there are times when this won’t be the case. And what can define how much of an impact a loss has on them can all depend on their level of emotional attachment.
For example, if one had a ... Views: 537
Dear Dr. Romance:
What Is The Grieving Process? What are the stages of the grieving process? How long does it take to go through each stage? Can one stage be relived over and over again? Is there a way to help someone through each stage?
If you've had a personal loss, I am ... Views: 415
Dr. Romance has had many clients who are grieving, and wrote this to help.
None of us wants to think about it, but the standard definition of a totally successful relationship is the old, traditional "til death do us part." Any time we love, whether it’s a life partner, a dear ... Views: 385
Dr. Romance has had many clients who are grieving, and wrote this to help.
None of us wants to think about it, but the standard definition of a totally successful relationship is the old, traditional "til death do us part." Any time we love, whether it’s a life partner, a dear ... Views: 373
When some people lose a loved one, they may think that that’s the end of it and that it’s not possible for them to talk to them again. In this case, they will have to rely on their memories and the memories other people have.
There are then going to be others to believe this is not the case, ... Views: 551
There are certain things that people talk openly about in today’s world that wouldn’t have been spoken about openly in the past and what is being spoken about can define whether progress is being made. However, there are many things that people talk about that show how far humanity has come.
... Views: 518
It has been said that our greatest wealth is health, and it doesn’t take much thought to realise why this is. When someone has good health, it will be lot easier for them to live a fulfilling life.
If they are not in good health, it is going to be a lot harder for them to enjoy their time on ... Views: 568
Music During Grief and Loss
Music touches your soul like nothing else. Music during times of sorrow can be especially helpful. Songs can speak to our emotions and give voice to how we feel. The late BB King said, “Even in your darkest moments, music is a rope to grab onto, something to pull ... Views: 418
Most recently, another family member passed away and this time so unexpectedly. Our loss impacted our family in different ways. My spouse found the lifeless body of our beloved seven year old German Shepard while I was away on a flying trip. What happened next for us was such an emotional burden ... Views: 299
As time goes by, more and more normal human experiences are being given labels, and what was part of life at one point in time, ends up being seen as a mental illness at another. For example: if one was experiencing anxiety in the past, they might believe that it is just part of life.
It is ... Views: 582
Grief is a terribly unfortunate feeling, but it's one that virtually all people encounter at some point in their lives. Along with the grief come some common platitudes meant to comfort the bereaved. Falling victim to common myths about grief often actually prevents people from fully healing and ... Views: 338
While there are some people who are able to express every emotion on the spectrum, there are others who are stuck on one end of the spectrum. When this happens, it is not going to be possible for someone to be a whole human being.
This may mean that one is always ‘positive’, and that they ... Views: 688
Alas, the recent break-up of a nine year relationship was painful enough. But when my ex-partner’s daughter indefinitely suspended (if not permanently ended) weekly 3-5 minute Skypeing and my periodic visiting with her 3 ½ year old daughter (i.e., my ex’s grandchild), because the mother felt ... Views: 1
Alas, the recent break-up of a nine year relationship was painful enough. But when my ex-partner’s daughter indefinitely suspended (if not permanently ended) weekly 3-5 minute Skypeing and my periodic visiting with her 3 ½ year old daughter (i.e., my ex’s grandchild), because the mother felt ... Views: 536
Alas, the recent break-up of a nine year relationship was painful enough. But when my ex-partner’s daughter indefinitely suspended (if not permanently ended) weekly 3-5 minute Skypeing and my periodic visiting with her 3 ½ year old daughter (i.e., my ex’s grandchild), because the mother felt ... Views: 471
In a world where encounters with sources of aggression and violence, trauma and grief are all too common, understanding the dynamics of “critical incidents/hazardous events” – both for adults and/or children directly impacted and for those encountering second-hand effects – is vital. This ... Views: 441
In light of events fifteen miles away (Baltimore) to 10,000 miles from my doorstop (Nepal), this essay titled, "Individual and Collective Crisis/Trauma Intervention and Debriefing: Ten Steps & Strategies," clearly has immediate relevance and application. Actually, the impetus for the article ... Views: 524
Accepting your own mortality with grace and dignity can be a difficult process. Many people are left with scant little time to accept their own mortality, and you must prepare as best you can for the inevitable. This article explains four methods that allow you to find peace when you know that ... Views: 527
People often believe that they are slaves to their emotions: "I hate feeling like this but I can't help it." Some are ashamed of their emotions and try to hide them; still others find some to be offensive, frightening or sinful. But the truth is that all feelings have purpose and value. They are ... Views: 532
There will be times when one will want to spend time by themselves and there will be times when they want to be around others. This is not to say that one will spend the same amount of time with others as they will by themselves; as it is not black and white.
How one spends their time will ... Views: 872
Dear Dr. Romance:
I hope you can help me. My boyfriend passed away two years back... We were pretty much engaged, living together and everything. I thought i was over the whole thing, but now I know I'm not.
A month back, or so.. i was seeing a man, and today i found out he had ... Views: 406
If one is into fashion, they will know that the current trend will soon change and end up being replaced by another trend. And while this could be a new trend, it could also be one that was around in the past.
So upon reflection, one could say that fashion is like the weather as it is ... Views: 724
I wanted to write this particular blog for two reasons. One is as a memory of my loving mum who died almost 6 years ago. And the second is to share my process of grieving, what I've learned from it and how it's helped my inner growth with hope that my story may also help others who are going ... Views: 360
While a physical problem can stand out, an emotional problem can remain hidden. Yet, even though there can be a difference here, it doesn’t mean that one problem is more important than other.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what kind of pain one is experiencing, what matters is that they seek ... Views: 705