Dear Dr. Romance:
As I am approaching middle age, my kids are graduating from high school, I am a single woman, kept a youthful image, found myself many times attractive to older married men, I have been saying no, but now I feel free to say yes. I don't need anything from the men, I just want to bring joy and spice in their life and I enjoy the experience also. What's your opinion on this personal choice and what do I need to be aware of the downside?
Since I am single and attractive (from my friends feedback) I am looking for a long term mate/partner in my industry. However, somehow I am not successful attracting those professionals who I really want to establish the relationship. For example, I attend professional functions either formal or informal, from 100-500 people. I would expect men approach me for an invitation for coffee. Most of time, I get none. Sometimes I get one or two but they dont' have the quality I am looking for.
I think part of the reason being I am an Asian in the industry (commercial real estate) with majority of Caucasian professional men.
Dear Reader:
I have no problem with your wanting to date men. Your parenting days are drawing to a close, and it's great to enjoy your freedom.
My first question is: are you making eye contact? I ask because you indicate that you're Asian, and in your culture, eye contact might not come naturally. Men won't think you're interested if you don't look them in the eye; even from across the room. If you're just passively waiting for a man to come over, you need to send him an invitation, by looking at him and smiling. Otherwise, (especially in a business setting) most men would not feel comfortable approaching you. You'll do better if you mingle at the functions you attend. Find people you know who are talking with others, and join the conversation. I don't think your race is a problem, but the cultural differences might be sending the wrong messages, or no messages at all. "Dating: The Fine Art of Squirrel Hunting" and "Guidelines for Successful Dating" will give you many pointers for meeting dates, and Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences will give you detailed help in dating.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.