We are living in extraordinary times right now and are all asked to step up and surrender at the same time.
I have to be honest with you today.
We are all struggling right now big time. I am in it too.
Why is that and why is it important for you to know this and read this message?
Because I know we all want the same. I know we all feel the same. And I also know that it is my gift and blessing to put into words and context for all, that which is happening to us so we can understand. It is also my gift and my blessing to connect us with one another so that we might not feel as alone as we do. Because indeed I know we are many.
We are strong and we are beautiful. We are always fine when someone asks us how we are doing. We are always happy to help. All we want is to bring our light to the world and make it a better place.
But right now we are struggling.
It just seems as if we have nothing left to give. Many of us are diagnosed with adrenal burnout, or chronic fatigue or other autoimmune or nervous system related diseases. Most all of us haven’t had a good night’s sleep in years.
Our bodies seem so weak and with that we have nothing left to give.
It seems as though the cause of all our anguish is our children, our living situations, our husbands, our finances, basically everything outside of us is wrong.
We are longing for our tribe, yet we don’t have anything left to go out and find it.
A few nights ago as I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself, I realized that I was basically hearing this great disharmony. A disharmony in my soul. It literally was a sound. It also became so crystal clear to me that the dissonance in my soul had nothing to do with all those external things.
As I listened closer I could hear how the dissonance came from me not being in alignment. From me not being who I truly am.
I know that, yes right now we are all tired. That yes right now we are all on hormonal roller coasters, and yes right now we have the best excuse to just give up and go, believe me I went there and it would have been darn easy to just check out. But just because it’s so easy right now to give up and check out, does not give us permission to give up and turn off our light.
Jesus was tired many, many times and I am sure his body was exhausted too.
But he did not blame his loved ones and his life for his miseries.
We might say, well that was Jesus. I am not him.
Here is the deal. We all are being asked to be Jesus in a sense right now.
We all are being asked to step into being in unconditional love with ourselves and others.
The difference between Jesus and us is that he came this world knowing that his being was unconditional love and he surrendered to this knowing completely.
This surrender was his life’s work. It wasn’t easy. He was human just like you and me.
If you are still reading this you know that you just like Jesus were born with a remembreance of your unconditional loving being. Our remembrance might not be as strong as the remembrance in Jesus was, but it is there. You know that you want to let your light shine and you are struggling because it seems so far out of reach.
The struggle that we all are experiencing right now is life “forcing” us into unconditional love. When we are anything but unconditional love, life gets unbearable. The people around us get unbearable. We get unbeareable.
How did Jesus surrender? That’s the million dollar question.
He did it by consciously staying connected with his divine being. With his own presence with that which is God in him.
And how did he do that?
Rather than going up through his head ( I think this is what most of us do when we meditate or pray) he jumped as deep as he could into his very own self. Right in the middle, right were your solar plexus is and your heart. It’s an act like jumping off a skyscraper and just falling or diving deeper and deeper.
He knew to do this, the moment dissonance, the tune in his soul, arose. The dissonance arises as soon as we move away and out of our true being. He practiced and practiced and practiced and never stopped.
We are all asked to be Jesus right now. And we are given many opportunities to practice. We are asked to practice to hear the dissonance of our soul. To literally hear the tune and to not mistake the mind chatter or our circumstances for its cause. The mind chatter will always be there, the world and its ups and downs and the people too. But when we focus our attention on the tune of our soul, we can immediately bring ourselves back into harmony without having to react and cause harm. We get back into harmony by diving deep until we hear our heart rejoice and feel our being and ourselves and the world as unconditional love. When we do this every encounter, every human being, and every situation is transformed by us.
When we tune ourselves and when we align ourselves, we create the world that we are so longing for.
I am 33 years old, and I have spent more than half my life both learning and teaching about love.
In Germany, where I am originally from, I am both a Naturopathic doctor and Humanistic Psychotherapist. I have been involved in the field of Personal Development for more than 18 years.
I conduct workshops in the United States and Germany, as well as work with clients on a one-to-one basis. I am publishing a book on the subject of healing early sexual trauma, which will be released early next year.
But that’s not what makes me an expert on love, intimacy and relationships. That comes out of my own childhood experiences.
Beginning at the age of eleven, I suffered from immense “soul pain” for over 12 years. Today, I now know that most of this pain was caused by early sexual abuse, which I had no memory of until relatively recently. The result of the trauma resulting from early sexual abuse was that I suffered from serious eating disorders, addictive behavior, co-dependent relationships and depression.
I basically felt “broken” for most of my life, and I desperately and continually needed to do something in order to not feel the pain.
At the age of twenty-one, I finally had what I now call my “Toilet-Wake-Up-Moment”. It was an epiphany, a moment when time stood still, and it became crystal clear to me that, if I continued to do what I had been doing, my life would be over very, very soon.
There would be no merging with “the one”, no family, no children, no happiness. There would only be a body found on the bathroom floor. My body. One that had suffered a painful and tragic death.
Fortunately, that didn’t happen, Instead, that moment, that epiphany, was the beginning of a journey within. I was incredibly fortunate to have been guided towards some of the most profound teachers in the field of personal healing, and was extremely lucky to have had the opportunity to study with and learn from them.
There was, however, an even greater contribution to my own healing then all the “official” teachers. That turned out to be the numerous men that appeared in my life. Numerous, because I was always in search of the perfect relationship, the perfect man, “the one”.
Each of the relationships was wonderful for a time, than became a lot less so. However, I am now grateful for each one, as it brought me a little closer to the truth about love, intimacy and my very own heart.
Today, I am fully recovered from my early sexual trauma. I am now happily married to “the one” that’s just right for me (instead of the fairy-tale “perfect one”).
We live in beautiful Santa Barbara, California with our two wonderful children, and I now travel around the world, teaching women with a similar history to mine about how they can heal and create a trust-filled, deeply connected relationship with their man.