Have you ever tried learning a new language or skill without using reading and exercise materials? I don't think so. Yet, most of us build a love relationship without proper training. The following love relationship worksheet will help you to improve your relationship skills.


1. What qualities first drew me to my partner?

2. What troubling qualities does my partner have that are similar to my early caretakers?

3. What qualities does my partner have that I think I lack?

4. What needs am I (unsuccessfully) trying to meet through my relationship:

______ Understanding
______ Appreciation
______ Approval
______ Freedom
______ Other:

5. Which of the above needs did my early caretakers have difficulty meeting?

6. What opposite roles do my partner and I currently take (teacher/student, rigid/impulsive...)?

7. What action would I need to take to change conflicting roles in my relationship?

8. What facts about gender differences help me better understand my partner?

9. What changes would I need to make to better balance Yin/Yang qualities in myself?

10. What defend-withdraw-attack reactions do I use when communicating with my partner?

11. Which understand-express-defuse responses am I willing to start using regularly?

12. What am I currently doing to "fix" or tolerate relationship problems that is no longer working:

______ Nagging
______ Begging
______ Pleasing
______ Criticizing
______ Ignoring
______ Disagreeing
______ Other:

13. What could I do that would be the opposite or different from the above?

14. What things do (did) I do when my relationship is (was) going well that I no longer do?

15. What would my partner say I need to change for my relationship to improve?

16. What could I do to change how, where, and when a problem happens or who handles it?

17. What action could I take when attempts to solve a problem through talking are not working?

18. For which problems do I need strategies?

______ Selfishness
______ Distancing
______ Jealousy and control
______ Lack of Romance
______ Sexual problems and differences
______ Handling my partner's upsets
______ Helping my partner handle my upsets
______ Preventing or making the best out of separations

19. What strategies am I willing to start using today?


20. What strategies would my partner most like me to use?


21. Does my relationship need more/less distance to add passion and romance?

22. If we have too much togetherness, what can I do to meet my own needs?

23. If there is too much distance, what fun, exciting, meaningful activities would I be willing to ask or arrange for my partner and I to do?

24. What caring behaviors would I be willing to ask for from my partner?:

______ Hugs
______ Messages
______ Flowers
______ Cards
______ Other:

25. What things am I willing to do that would pleasantly surprise my partner?

26. What negative beliefs do I get about myself when my partner's behavior disturbs me? What early life experiences first gave me those beliefs?

27. What positive beliefs would I like to adopt about myself instead?

28. What disorders do my partner or I have that could make progress difficult without help?

Author's Bio: 

John Schurmann is the founder of Schurmann Counselling & Life Coaching - http://www.coachme.ca/

He is a registered clinical social worker, individual, couple and family psychotherapist, and life coach. He has worked closely with individuals, couples, families, groups and organizations for the past twenty years.

John holds three degrees including a masters degree in clinical social work from Wilfrid Laurier University. He has extensive training in specialized areas of counselling; marital and family therapy, mental health issues, child and adult ADHD, psychiatry, spirituality, sexuality, family violence and alcohol/drug abuse.

Since his college years, John's focus has been on turning individuals, relationships and families around -- equipping them with the skills and ability to make their lives healthier. It is often said about John Schurmann, "you are outstanding in helping me, making me feel calm, giving me new skills to handle my situation, giving me new hope, a new outlook and a sense of adventure". "John got me back on track, helped me improve my life, marriage, relationship, work situation and believed in me in resolving my life issues.

John is married to Rita and enjoys spending time with his family, Matthew and Daniel. He loves to learn, travel, snow ski, spend time with his extended family and friends, and he loves his relationship with his God.

John Schurmann is a registered Social Worker with the College of Social Workers and Social Services Workers. A member of the Ontario Association of Social Workers and an associate member with the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.