Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”

*Below is the fourteenth episode in a series of real life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.

In “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) …,” we continued the process of examining your present (or future) relationship by Prioritizing the items on Your List as “V” (Vital) or “I” (Important), Ranking, and Pruning through a few Reality Checks.

In this article, we continue the process with: Weighing the Pluses and Minuses.

(Quick aside: Note to my readers)

My Friends:

Last month - in a rare instance of acquiescence, instead of publishing my usual, large sized (over 2,000 words) articles, I began submitting a series of smaller, medium-sized articles.

These new, smaller articles are aimed at those who want to easily read them quickly.

What do you think? Do you prefer a series of short articles? Or were you happier with the previous format (i.e., a smaller number of longer articles)?

Feel free to e-mail your comments (address at the end of this article) to me about this issue (article size); or on any other subject you’d like to see in my writing.

Regards,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo

- Acknowledging Diversity -

I acknowledge the fact that Western/Asian relationships don’t always consist of a Western Man and an Asian Woman. There are many Western Woman/Asian Man relationships, as well as Man/Man and Woman/Woman couples out there.

But, since the overwhelming majority of Western/Asian couples are composed of a Western Man and an Asian Woman, this article addresses their issues and assumes that they are the primary audience for the information submitted below.

- Quick Review -

In “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) …,” we discussed one of the two main reasons why relationships fail: Miscommunication.

Next, in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) …,” we began discussing the second main reason for relationship failure: Incompatibility. We ended up with Your List of needs and desires.

Then, in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) …,” we continued the process by Prioritizing the items on Your List as “V” (Vital) or “I” (Important). Furthermore, we ranked the items and, as a result of a couple of a few reality checks, pruned Your List.

In this article, we continue the process with: Weighing the Pluses and Minuses.

- Current Status of Your List -

Look at Your List.

It should be prioritized (classified) into “V” (Vital) and “I” (Important) items. The items should be ranked (numbered) – in the order of significance to you – against each other. They should contain humanly achievable items and be free of conflicting, mutually exclusive items.

Furthermore, you have identified which items you are getting and not getting from your partner.

Lastly, Your List should have a (+) or (-) beside each item according to the following criteria:

Plus (+) items:

1. You are now getting it from your partner. AND believe that this is not a temporary thing (i.e., you think you’ll get this need fulfilled or desire met for a long time).
2. You are not getting an item, BUT she is willing to learn how to give it to you AND you are willing to wait for her.

Minus (-) items:

1. You are not getting it from your partner AND she is not capable of giving it to you, nor is she willing to learn.
2. You are not getting it from your partner; she is willing to learn how to give it to you, BUT you are not willing to wait for her.

- Good (Positives/Pluses) vs. Bad (Negatives/Minuses) -

It’s time to weigh the Pluses against the Minuses. We will now put them on an imaginary “Satisfaction Scale” and see if the scales tip toward Compatibility or Incompatibility.

Note: Before you begin weighing the Pluses and Minuses on Your List, you must decide how much value you will ascribe to your “V” items vs. “I” items.

To keep things simple, I like to give “V” items a weight (score) of “2”; while the “I” items have a weight (score) of “1”.

This means that “V” items are doubly significant to me than “I” items.

You may be different. If your “V” items are triple in significance to your “I” items, give the “V” items a weight of “3” and the “I” items a “1”, etc.

Okay, here we go.

Give all the “V” items the appropriate score (weight measurement). In my case, they would be “2” beside each “V” item.

Now look at the “I” items. Give all “I” items your appropriate score (weight measurement). In my case, they would be “1”.

How many “V” Pluses do you have?

Multiply that number by your assigned score.

For example, if you have 10 “V” Plus items, the equation should be something like this: 10 (Number of “V” Plus items) x 2 (weight of “V” items) = 20 V(+).

- WARNING, WARNING, WARNING! -

Do you have any “V” Minus items?

That is, the item is prioritized as a “V” (Vital, can’t live without) item AND:

1. You are not getting it - a “V” (Vital, can’t live without it!) item - from your partner AND she is not capable of giving it to you, nor is she willing to learn.
2. You are not getting it - a “V” (Vital, absolutely need it!) item - from your partner; she is willing to learn how to give it to you, BUT you are not willing to wait for her.

If so, here’s my advice: Don’t pursue (or continue) the relationship!

Discontinue the relationship and stop this process, BUT KEEP YOUR LIST.

Use Your List, to restart this process with your next prospective partner.

Let me emphasize this again: In my experience, no interpersonal relationship can succeed when one person is chronically deprived of a vital - an absolutely must have/can’t live without - need or desire.

So, again, heed this WARNING: If you have a V(-) item, avoid exposure to it! You will automatically prevent a host of personal (and sometimes, professional) problems.

‘nuff said.

- Back to Weighing -

Still with me?

Let’s charge on.

Weigh the “I” items on Your List. Calculate the score (using the appropriate, less weight of “I” items)

First, find out what the weight (score) of all your “I” Pluses are.

Similar to calculating V(+) items, if you have 10 “I” Plus items, the equation should be something like this: 10 (Number of “I” Plus items) x 1 (weight of “I” items) = 10 I(+).

Do the same for your “I” (Important) Minus (-) items.

Add V(+) and I(+).

Put that sum on the (+) “Compatibility” side of your “Satisfaction Scale.”

Put that weight on the I(-) “Incompatibility” side of your “Satisfaction Scale.”

What does your “Satisfaction Scale” look like now?

Is it balanced?

Does the scale tip (slightly or overtly) toward one side?

What do you think? Compatible or Incompatible?

Hold that picture in your mind.

It may (or may not) be obvious to you by now.

Think you’re finished? Far from it.

If you stop now - thinking that you have it all down pat, your robbing yourself of the last, most important steps (i.e., Interpretation of Your Results, Identifying Acceptable Conditions: Alternate Views of Satisfaction, Individual Relationship Philosophies, etc.).

We begin interpreting Your Results in the next article. In it, I explain why Neutral Relationships (i.e., Your Scale is balanced, no movement) are better left alone.

(Continued in “Experiences from ‘The Flow’(15) - Farang: Interpretation of Your Results.”)

“Until next time, find ‘The Flow’ and jump in!”

Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo

Farang, Asia, relationship, vital, important, pluses, minuses, compatibility, satisfaction, scale, needs, desires.

Note: If you want to read more about Asian and Western cultural differences, finding unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’: From Heartbreak to Happiness

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (2): Coincidence or Synchronicity: FROM RELAPSE TO MIRACLES...”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (3): LOST AND FOUND - Kindred Spirits and Mistakes made in Haste.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (4): LOST AND FOUND – Meant to Be?”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (5): “The Stray”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (6): “New Beginnings, Old Endings”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (7) - Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Myth”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (8) Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Reality, Stupidity, and Hard Knocks.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (9): New Girlfriend, New Life.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) - Farangs: In (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now!

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) - Farang: Square Peg, Round Hole? Compatibility Issues.”

“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) - Farang: Compatibility Issues II”

“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”

“Remember Who You Are!”

“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”

(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo, Copyright February 2008

(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)

Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com

Author's Bio: 

He is a retired U.S. Military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an A.A., B.S., and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic. In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he free-fall parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water.

Pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com
www.ynvurcepublishing.com