Success and happiness are different for each of us. That is why when my clients say, ¡°I want to be more successful.¡± I ask, ¡°What is success for you?¡± Success isn¡¯t about things, accomplishments or cash flow. I believe each of us is looking for a feeling inside that we associate the words happiness and success with.
What is that feeling? In the United States and throughout the world, millions have fought for it. Millions have died for it.
Freedom.
In a physical sense, most of us are free. In an emotional or psychological sense, however, an estimated 80% of the population puts themselves into self-imposed cells on a regular basis. Through the thinking process we forfeit our freedom of choice in making important life decisions. Some of us even forfeit our choice to the point of seeing our options in life as limited; sometimes as hopeless.
Free will.
That¡¯s what we human beings have been blessed with. The ability to consciously examine our conscious thoughts allows us to choose how we react in any given situation. Throughout life, we learn to react. We learn that by acting in a certain way, we will achieve a certain result.
Often the result we opt for is safety. In some instances, safety is necessary to preserve our life in a physical sense. However, for many of us the desire for what we perceive to be safety paralyzes our ability to exercise our free will. The emotional scars of the past live our life in the present. ¡°That hurt me in the past, so I will not take that chance again.¡±
The cost of this reactive thinking is we stay stuck in jobs we hate, we don¡¯t pursue the relationships we want, and we develop low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence. In short, we sell ourselves short with our thinking. We severely hamper our ability to manifest what we want in our life because we create long lists of ¡°why¡± we should not even ¡°try.¡±
Phooey!
So how do I coach my clients out of this? How can you stop this thinking in your own life?
It¡¯s more than I can cover in depth in this article, but I¡¯ll give you a few highlights from my course Free Your Mind.
First, tell the truth. Emotions like fear, jealousy, loneliness, overwhelm and failure are warped perceptions of reality that completely paralyze our freedom of choice. The good news? These emotions are all founded in mistruths. Fear doesn¡¯t exist. You can¡¯t put it in a Tupperware container and give it to a neighbor. We make it up. And, we have the ability to be completely at choice as to whether and/or how we experience these emotions or not.
Take loneliness as an example. With 6 billion people in the world, how can anyone be lonely? It is the misguided belief that we are either too good or we are not good enough. The feeling may be real, but the thinking that produced the feeling is not the truth.
Second, go for the result. When we experience emotions such as anger, antagonism or insult, we are seeking to be right in a situation rather than going for the result we want. A perfect example? The old saying, ¡°The customer is always right.¡± Why? Because the purpose of the business is to make money and/or be of service ? that¡¯s the result the wise businessperson seeks. It isn¡¯t to win an argument and prove how knowledgeable we are.
Third, maintain your freedom of choice. When we experience the emotions of frustration and confusion, we need to recognize we have a choice and make it. Continuing to run straight ahead into a brick wall is futile. Climb over it, under it, or around it. Heck, you can even blow it up! Just recognize when you are frustrated that you have a choice. When you¡¯re confused, know your values and purpose and make a choice based upon them.
And fourth, keep your agreements. All relationships exist out of agreements. That means your relationships with others as well as your self. Not keeping our agreements creates feelings of guilt, embarrassment and obligation. (You know that feeling of running into someone in the grocery store you said you¡¯d call three months ago to meet for lunch, and didn¡¯t!) If you say you will do something, do it! If for some reason you cannot, clean it up immediately by acknowledging it, changing it or making other arrangements to do what you said you would.
The trick with agreements is that some of them we are conscious of and some we are not. (Have you ever not done something you don¡¯t want to do, but feel obligated and guilty anyway?) Not keeping our agreements inevitably takes us into feelings of fear and overwhelm.
By telling the truth, going for the result, maintaining your freedom of choice and keeping your agreements, you will experience a dramatic shift in your personal power. Is this simple? Yes! Is it easy? No. But, the freedom and momentum you will experience in your life is worth every ounce of effort your put into it ten-fold. Free Your Mind and experience your potential!
John R. Barker coaches clients, personally and professionally, to expand their thinking, create ecstatic relationships and play bigger in life. He teaches the telecourse Free Your Mind: A practical approach to personal freedom. To learn more about John please visit www.CoachingWorksInc.com/john_barker.htm or e-mail him at mailto:
jbarker@CoachingWorksInc.com
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