12 Tips on Sex in Marriage for the Christian Wife

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1. Don’t dichotomize your spiritual and sexual life. Sex in marriage is a wonderful gift to be nurtured and enjoyed. Growing sexually with your husband is a godly pursuit. Therefore get in the habit of praying about sex and praising God for this gift as much as you would (or more) for other areas of life and other godly pursuits; e.g. spiritual disciplines, evangelism, missions, serving others, etc. Remember, marriage comes before ministry.

2. Fill your mind with God’s perspective on sex. We grow up in a culture that abuses sex and we tend to be on our guard sexually. Then we get married and that same “on guard” attitude can linger. Therefore get a hold of several good Christian books on marital sex and read them regularly. You don’t read the Bible just once. Sex is very important to a marriage and you should fill your mind on a regular basis with knowledge and insights that will enhance your sex life. Read the Song of Solomon and I Corinthians 7:1-9 from time to time. Don’t limit your reading to Christian books. If a book promotes monogamy it probably has many insights that are worthwhile. (e.g. John Gray’s series on “Mars and Venus”).

3. Keep reminding yourself your husband views sex differently than you. Sex is paramount in your husband’s mind. That’s the way God made him and you shouldn’t judge him for it. He’s sight-oriented and focuses more on physical attraction and the sexual act. You are relationship-oriented and focus more on the whole relationship. The more you can demonstrate your sensitivity to your husband’s viewpoint, the more he will be willing and excited about developing your relationship, more non-sexual affection, and better communication.

4. Keep yourself beautiful to your husband. Its amazing how some women are meticulous about how they look when they are single and then don’t seem to care after they are married. Usually this is a gradual process. Remember your husband is sight-oriented. He has to work very hard to maintain self-control in a sea of sexual messages and sexy bodies in provocative clothing. Seeing his attractive wife looking her best on a regular basis is a tremendous encouragement to him. You don’t have to be dressed to the hilt all the time or go over the line provocatively. Find a balance. Learn what your husband likes about styles and make-up for public dress, as well as lingerie and sexy wear for private dress.

5. Evaluate to what level you are inhibited sexually. If you aren’t, then praise God. If you are to any degree, know God wants you to grow less inhibited. But don’t be hard on yourself. If you’re inhibited it’s probably because of a less than affirmative attitude about sex in your upbringing and/or part of your personality. If you were sexually active before marriage it could be some guilt-issues over that. Explore the roots of your inhibition and ask God to slowly heal you to be free to enjoy sex with increasingly more creativity and passion.

6. Train your husband to turn you on. Your husband should be reading about how to make sex as exciting as possible for you. A lot of this will be relationship and communication issues. Regularly communicate to him which of these are important to you and affirm him when he makes progress. Yet bedroom technique is still very important. He must become a student of what turns you on, so, over time, tell him in detail what excites you, where and how to kiss and touch you, how much pressure, etc, etc. Don’t expect him to know everything! Every woman is different. Use the positive-feedback approach when correcting his touch. “Hmmm, that’s nice, but like this is even better.”, rather than “Don’t do it like that…” Your goal is regular sexual satisfaction and frequent orgasms, not an orgasm every time. It’s normal and fine for a woman not to feel the need to come to orgasm every time. Yet your goal of sexual satisfaction and regular orgasms on your time terms will cement your relationsh! ip in a wonderful way.

7. Train yourself to turn him on. You must become a student of your husband’s sexual desires and turn-ons. He will probably be open to more creativity and variation than you. That’s OK. Learn what he likes and desires. If you have a problem with something, discuss it and agree to not do anything that either person is not comfortable with. (Anything a husband and wife do together is good as long as it doesn’t harm physically, emotionally or mentally). On the other hand, if you are uncomfortable with something, explore the reasons why and ask God to change you if necessary. You will go a long way if, on occasion, you take turns asking this question: “Now, tell me exactly how I can please you tonight.” Or “Is there anything you would like me to do I haven’t done in a while or that would be a completely new thing?” This practice will open up each of you to be free, open, and less inhibited.

8. Don’t let it get boring. Related to #7, if you don’t develop a creative, free and uninhibited sex life, it’s guaranteed that it’s only a matter of time that your husband will get bored sexually and temptations will enter in. Work hard to not let this happen. Again, let God in every area of your life and ask Him to help you since it’s usually (but not always) the woman who is more content to put up with a boring, predictable, same-old-thing sex life. The church has a lot of teaching against adultery (and rightly so). Unfortunately it often has too little teaching on the roots of adultery, one of which is a lack of attention on the most important matters to the man and woman—relationship/communication for the woman and good, clean, fun, and creative sex for the man!

9. Come to terms with questionable sexual practices. Where in scripture does it condemn oral sex? The answer is nowhere. Don’t take this writers word for it. The Christian books, Intimate Issues, by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, and The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner, have good studies on this. The truth is oral sex is an incredibly exciting and wonderful sexual practice that most married couples enjoy including Christians. If you have an aversion to it, fine. Neither be hard on yourself nor look down on others who don’t. But don’t be passive about this either. Be proactive in learning about it and pray for God to change whatever is necessary in your mind (If your husband has an aversion to giving you oral sex, he should do the same thing). If you can develop the practice of giving your husband regular doses of skillful oral sex, he will be thrilled to the core. If you can train him to give you slow and deliberate oral sex when you are in the mood, you will be th! rilled to the core. In this writers’ opinion, only if both agree that they don’t want to pursue oral sex should it be shelved altogether, for in Philippians scripture says, “…don’t look only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Other questionable areas like certain positions, fulfilling sexual fantasies, and anal stimulation should be approached this same way.

10. Buy a book or booklet on marriage, sex and sexual technique on occasion. One way to show your husband you are focusing on the one thing that looms largest in his mind regarding marriage is to buy books on sex occasionally. Don’t let him be the one to always buy such things. Don’t be afraid to buy a sexual technique book that is not explicitly Christian as long as it encourages faithful, monogamous sex. If you feel your husband is not understanding your relationship/communication needs, buy one that deals with that and read it in his presence and ask him to check it out. If you start reading a book entitled, “How to drive your man crazy in bed” in his presence, as assuredly as the sun will rise tomorrow and it’s true that God so the loved the world that He sent Jesus, he will have your full attention at that moment. And if you tell him if he’s a good boy you’ll try a few of the suggestions, you could probably get him to eat out of your hand and wait on you hand and foot! Th! is is also true of lingerie. Don’t be afraid to ask him what kind of lingerie he’d like you to buy.

11. Make your marriage truly your number one priority, apart from your relationship to God. Christian couples often get lazy about developing their marriage relationship. Over time, other pursuits become more important, even godly ones. The truth is that if you put a disproportionate amount time into anything—including evangelism and missions or other ministry activity—over the time you put into your marriage, it is out of God’s will. Therefore you must be proactive in working at your marriage and sex life. Don’t say to yourself, “the man is the spiritual head, he should lead in this.” If he’s not leading, you take the lead. If he is leading, don’t wait for him to bring up an issue, do it yourself. Each person is responsible for loving their spouse and building their marriage regardless how active the other person is. For women this means preparing yourself mentally and physically for regular sexual union. “I’m too busy and always tired”, you say. That’s no excuse. Carve out t! ime to get ready for romance, to spend time together, to do mutually enjoyable activities together, and have sexual union. Drop activities and responsibilities, even spiritual ones, if necessary. For sex, this means allowing for three types of sex. (1) The long, luxurious sexual adventures (if you have children, nights at a hotel or weekends away), (2) The normal 20 –30 minute encounter, and (3) what some call “quickies.” Because men normally want more frequent sex than women, you must find a happy medium and be willing to minister to your husband through occaisional quick sex at times when things are too busy to get prepared and take the time, but he’s hungry nevertheless! Allowing for this will do wonders to encourage a man that his wife truly loves him enough to give him a few moments of passion even if she probably won’t be tuned in to having an orgasm herself.

12. Remember, you reap what you sow. If you sow a lazy attitude towards marriage and sex, you’ll reap a lousy marriage. If you sow a boring, predictable, same-old-thing sex life, you’ll reap a frustrated, inattentive husband. This works both ways. If your husband sows inattentive, unaffectionate, unhelpful and unromantic practices, he’ll reap a wife not interested in sex and his own frustrations. But what is your responsibility if your husband isn’t proactive? Isn’t it to love the husband unconditionally with the Lord’s help? In a perfect marriage, a husband and wife take equal steps toward each other to meet each others needs. What some wives don’t realize is how powerful good sex is in getting a man in touch with his relationship side. The more he feels loved sexually, the more he opens up to meet the affectionate, romantic, and communication needs of his wife. So if you sow an uninhibited, creative sex life, you’ll reap a more romantic husband. If you sow regular doses of ! what turns him on—often it’s oral sex the way he likes it—you’ll reap a more affectionate husband. If you sow sexual variety that’s restricted only by true biblical mandates, you’ll reap a more communicative mate. If you sow a commitment to put lots of time and mental energy into your marriage, with Spirit of God inside you to enable you, you’ll reap a wonderful marriage. If you are lucky enough that both of you make this commitment, you’ll reap a marriage made in heaven.

Author's Bio:

Michael is a free-lance writer and graphic designer who writes on a variety of subjects and provides writing and designs services through his company, Promotional Designs (
http://members.home.net/promodesigns/Welcome.htm ). He has a vision to see Christian marriages flourish.

Joe True

This is a great article which I believe many couples need to read in order to save their marriages. I wish I can get my wife to read this. I've been married for over 10 years and sex has been the greatest of the issues we have. We've talked and talked and nothing has changed. I gave up a few weeks back, deciding to fulfill my desires in other ways, aside from my wife. My wife is stay-at-home and I participate in 40 - 50% of the housework, while I juggle a demanding a work. But I will still sacrifice sleep, rest for sex. Over 10 years of always initiating and sometimes going through emotional hurt of refusal, this is enough! I hope we as Christian can address these issues openly and sincerely.

Tony Conrad

Hmm oral sex right or wrong? Scripture is silent so we end up with opinions. Don't understand how anyone can say it is wrong. Maybe I should read that to mean I don't like or do oral sex. Actually my wife has shared that she is not comfortable with it but I don't think it is wrong. It's just her preference. I could dispute it with her but it is not important to me as she does other stuff that sends me to the moon which she says she is very comfortable with. I am glad she is comfortable with the latter. I always felt uncomfortable with AS but I wouldn't judge anyone. If they are comfortable with it that's their faith not ours.

Shontai Vega

Great article! I only wish there was an article directed at husbands as well. I communicate to him all the time about bringing some creativity, but doesn't seem to be interested. He shys away from sex communication.

Steve Hammond

Dr Les Parrott has a book addressed to men called "Crazy Good Sex". It might be what you're looking for, Shontai.

Steven Rogers (Insurance)

Good tips that should be taken seriously by every couple. Loosing the flame is all to easy. Bring in the spice will do a world of good.

Suzanne Wiebe (Dating)

Excellent article. I would just add one thing. God meant that women should enjoy sex as well. No matter how you 'reach a peak' - there is no 'wrong' way between a hsuband and wife. God made everyone different and no one was made wrong.

I love your attitude Suzanne. Especially that we are all different and that there is no right or wrong way to reach a peak. I cannot share that much because I am different to most and don't want to put it out to the moral test but my wife is very comfortable with our activities and that is the important thing. Each to his own speaks a lot to me. Arguing what's right or wrong in the bedroom never seems to get very far it seems.

Crystal

MIchael and his Wife I hope you read this. I liked your article. I have been married for 4 years. I have a genetic defect that makes intercourse excruciatingly painful and pretty much impossible. We have had sex because I love him and want him to feel our love. And yes I believe in oral, manual sex as a way to enjoy each other. I thought there was no hope for me until this year I finally found a doctor who said surgery with cure the pain. So I have had the surgery and it went great. So someday, like in 7 months hopefully I will be having pain-free sex. My question is: what would you picture your marriage without sexual intercourse? My husband has said he is "foreplayed out' He wants intercourse. But is always willing to wait and not force things. Please answer. Crystal

Buck & Angela Gray

If you and your husband are open to it, anal sex could be a big help to you both. As you know, no sex act between husband and wife is sinful in and of itself. As my husband and I discovered while I was recovering from an unfortunate injury to my vaginal area, anal sex can give him the feeling of intercourse (its a little different, but closer), be fufilling to you both physically (he can hit your g-spot that way if he does it right) and emotionally (feeling of closeness and for you, feeling of giving a special part of yourself). Anal sex was so good for us that we made it a regular part of our sexual reportire even after I was able to have vaginal sex again. May God bless you and your husband as you work trhough this difficult time. I

Guest

I am not a christian but I don't believe in oral sex. It's just disgusting, I mean how can you put a mans penis in your mouth or your mouth in a womans vagina. That is the same place where you take a piss or even catch illnesses (thrush, inflammation, itchiness because of bacteria, herpes etc.). These are places where natural bacteria are living and what more is when people place their mouths in it, they are taking them in. And what about the ejaculated liquid that comes out, if you take that in you are risking yourself to many diseases. Do you remember Sodom and Gomorrah. God punished them because they used to practice such things. If someone says that it was because they were homosexuals, then oral/anal sex is what the homosexuals do. Why do you think AIDS is common in homosexuals? If you say it is now common in heterosexuals as well then I guess you are missing the point: they now have ORAL/ANAL SEX!!

Thank you. I am a Christian and believe that Sodomy is wrong, Amusingly enough it says it in the bible. Sodomy: the practice of penetration by any means other than vaginal.

Thank you for this clear approach to the age old questions that arise after you make those vows. After a lot of research online this one makes complete sense. Thanks again.

coolwife

Excellent work! God inspired, well-written, honest and Bible-based. I pray that God will keep on giving you insight regarding marriage because you are truly helping a lot of people. Don't be swayed by naysayers or modern day pharisees. I am really enlightened and comforted by what I have read here. Thanks again, and God Bless!

Jon

I have pondered the question of anal/oral sex withing a Christian marriage and with the anonymity of the internet it is easy to find answers. Not all answers are good ones as I have found a site that not only says it is OK which is what I wanted to hear but that "Christian Porn" is OK and that a threesome (as long as the man only had sex with his wife) was OK. So be VERY careful since there are some absurd websites out there. Search the Scriptures and pray and I believe we will find the answers we are looking for. Since the Bible does not specifically address these issues we must look at principles. That means in our own maturity we must decide (with much prayer) what is holy, undefiled and honorable. Hey, if life was easy what fun would it be? Search the Scriptures daily as the Bereans did and trust in Jesus Christ and you can't go wrong.

P.S. For those who are new to marriage. I have been married 16 years the second time. We waited until our wedding night for sex (should've abstained from smooching until then too). The first couple of years was great and then the children came into the picture. Diapers and bottles and such put a damper on romance. When that was over I thought it was my turn for some attention again but was wrong. I do not know was was wrong with my wife as she paid me little attention for many years. I still showed her much affection and got little in return.After much frustration and many fights things slowly got better. They are still getting better as I have a new job that takes me out of town during the week (until we are ready to move) and I am not around to "bug" her about sex. I look forward to it getting better yet in the future. Praise be to God, He blessed me with the wife He wanted me to have just like I asked Him to do.

Lisa

I am not sure if it does or does not say that God intends sex to be wholly satisfying, however I do not think god would condemn a married couple from fully enjoying their sex lives. Also I see a lot of discussion on men spilling their seed during oral sex being a sin...well is it also a sin for them to engage in oral sex without "spilling" their seed? And what of women's masterbation? Since they have no "seed" to spill is it a sin for them to orgasm without their husband? What if they "help " their husband because they cannot have an orgasm with intercourse alone? There are many things I see like this that are potential grey areas and to me the bottom line would be to keep a happy marriage for both partners. If they engage in oral or anal sex together I just can't see God condemning them for it.

Mich

The author is wrong. Scriptures say it is a sin for man to spill his seed. Oral sex - if the seed is not in the woman's vigina -- is absolutely sinful. Sex between a man and woman is to express love AND be open to God's gift of new life -- an eternal soul. Oral sex is just using a spouse as a sex object, without any procreation possible. It is a sin. The author needs to study scriptures more.

Hello Mich, I do know what area, Onan in Genesis 38:9 did not want to do what was traditional at that time. He was too take his brothers widow and give into her because he was next in line. He did not agree with the setup and avoided getting pregnant with his sister-in-law and now wife. That is where the punishment was for. Some have also questioned that if this be true how do you turn off your desires to you husband or wife if both are in agreement. That may also increase the chance of adultery coming and tearing the family apart because the devil will do anything and any excuse to tear the family apart. And I say this to not manipulate your spouse because that is not right either couples should be on the same accord with prayer at all times and God will help them compromise to a solution that both are able to live with, comfortably. God bless you Mich.

O.T.

It doesn't say "it's wrong for a man to spill his seed" in so many words. It say's Onan spilled his seed, and the Lord struck him down. It wasn't the spilling of the seed, but refusing to bear children from his brother as was his duty, that he was punished for. He was taking advantage of his privilege without fulfilling the obligation that privilege was based on. She was not his wife to be his wife, as most are, but as a brother's widow, she was his wife to continue his brother's lineage. Mich needs to study scriptures more, and not make up commandments.

Thankyou O.T. So much of the Bible is misunderstood because we fail to look at things with a little logic. Lisa raised the question about is it OK for a woman to masturbate (no seed to spill) as opposed to a man (with seed to spill). A little logic or common sense goes a long way. God is not stupid and is not trying to make things complicated, we do a good job of doing that. Masturbation, if it is wrong would not be the physical act (so-called Onan's Sin) but the inappropriate fantasy that goes with it. Here's one for Mich, Is it a sin to drink wine? No where in the Bible does it outright forbid this to the average person, only against getting drunk. Study the Word of God and use some sense.

God created people for intimacy, which is defined 'only' by the couple involved. The bible needs to be taken in context of the culture. The bible can be easily taken out of context if you ‘pick and choose’ your scripture. The bible states that a slave girl may be taken as a wife - and elsewhere, that a man must consummate his marriage within the first days. But if a man forced child he could be put to death. It also says that the curtains must be drawn. If you look at the message of the bible, it is about building relationships and what happens when they go wrong. Each of us can 'pick and choose' scriptures and turn them not a law. But, if you read the NT, Jesus loathed the religious leaders who did that. My rebuttal to legalism is simply to recite the verse that states that law can only save if you obey 'every law’. We can look at God’s law – or His intent.

I've been married 20 years and more and more I have come to believe that in marriage, a women's spiritual life is directly related to her sex life and to remain healthy, the two cannot be dichotomized. Sadly this is rarely addressed in the Christian culture. Thank you for stating it!

'...and more and more I have come to believe that in marriage, a women's spiritual life is directly related to her sex life and to remain healthy, the two cannot be dichotomized.' You hit the nail on the head. Rightly! Thank you.

Guest richard

you call yourself christian. you think as world does and you act as world act. you saying that oral sex is o.k.where is he purity and holliness.you are not different from godless marriage.christian marriage is not different in action from heathen marriage. yo do what heathen do in there marriage.christian should be different . without holiiness no one will see god. richard

This is an interesting statement. But let's define Holiness from a New Testament point of view. Holiness is being God Like. Holiness is the absence of sin. Holiness is living your life 100% for God, praying without ceasing, avoiding all that is not Holy. What is not Godlike? Discord, anger, legalism, greed, broken relationships (even if no divorce is involved) What is Godlike? Solid relationships, two people learning to be one, love, joy, peace. I do not suggest you go to places where you can learn what the heathen do, but I do bless God from protecting you from learning what they 'really' do. It is very disturbing to learn what people consider 'okay' at a party, on any Saturday night, in any city in North America.

melissa

OBVIOUSLY you have never recieved oral sex, or you would not be saying this. Somebody afriad of it? Your going to fail at marriage, if you cant pass the ORAL test!

Sadly, Melissa, you are mistaken! It most certainly is not essential to marriage. It was only very recently that this sort of sex was not a felony in many US states.

As a coach who has worked with many people, I need to disagree with you. You are a guest, so we cannot debate what works in your life, and whether your spouse is 'at peace' and there is joy in your relationship. But for most women a 10 minute missionary style encounter leaves her in a physically and emotionally harmful and frustrated state. And, as I've learned in recent years as men learn to open up about sex, it leaves many of them unsatisfied. If you are implying that this is God's will for the marriage then I challenge you to place your relationship, joy, peace, love and loyalty against the Song of Solomon and see if your wife 'seeks you out' as is mentioned in this book of the Bible.

Prakash Raj

It is very saddening to read that bible doesn't has anything told about oral or anal sex. These practices are not natural ways of having sex and any unnatural ways of sexual relationship (Romans 1:27) are condemned in the bible. If you could really pray with an open mind I am sure God will give you an insight into this.

Actually I think you are wrong. If you read Romans 1:26 and 1:27 you can clearly see that the reference to unnatural ways of sexual relationship is directed at homosexual relations only - it is not referring to individual sexual acts between a married couple.

Marie

You are right!

Great Great article! A happy, healthy, active sex life is important to any marriage, Christian or otherwise. Being Christian doesn't mean we need to feel inhibited with sex. Also, great advice to pray about sex. God wants us to be fullfilled sexually with our spouses, and He created it so who better to talk to about it?

To all those who keep saying "it says no where in scripture that oral sex is wrong" you are unfortunatly wrong. Sodomy (Sodomite) : anal or oral sex. 1 Cor. 6:9-10 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,[a] nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

Where did you get that definition of Sodomy?

I agree. I would like to know where you found that definition. When I discuss that term with theologians there is a general belief that it refers to the Greek practice of having sex with boys, forced if needed, and publically applauded. In the old testament there is a term that in English says sodomy, but in the ancient language means 'it is unlawful to have sex with a Eunuch.

It is good to use Scripture references but where does Scripture define the word "sodomite" as anal or oral sex? It may be a legal definition and it may be the traditional understanding but the Bible does not specifically define it. I cannot say authoritatively whether it is right or wrong. Where the Bible is silent let us not shout. If I can kiss my wife on the lips,neck etc. where does it stop? Am I allowed to kiss her everywhere except the genitals? If I can carress/touch her anywhere then why not the anus? Why can I not touch her with ANY part of my body ANY place on hers? This logic may just seem to be a means of justification to do what I please but it is something to think about. Where is the line drawn?

5. Not quite following you there… Maybe it would have helped to use the good old KJV which uses the word effeminate, which in the original language was a figurative manor of saying catamite. I trust that I don’t need to define catamite, so I’ll just point out that the essence of being a catamite is that of being of the same sex as the sexual master. Thus the orifices involved are quite immaterial to the actual meaning of that particular condemnation of homosexuality.

I just want to say that this theory is agreed upon in many different seminaries.

Guest Am

The article is Ok, but being married 43years and having sex maybe 2 dozen has been fine for us. Were not weird or gay or anything else. Also love intimacy was forgotten log ago. We are just two friends sleeping in same bed. I often wonder why we got married, but its to late to worry about it.

This is great article.But its one sided.It speaks mostly to a woman giving her body to her husband and that his number one need is sexual.Thats not always true.As a wife, who has a very good sexual appetite,I long for my husband, who shies from sex,I wish this article had addressed both partners.I love sex with my husband.I want the things in this article.I don't want a boring sex life.And yet,he's the one who runs from it.I feel like our roles are reversed,and again would like articles like this reflecting the needs of both partners.Not all wives lose their sex drives.Men do too.Although as I do research, it seems to be quite the hush hush thing.It doesn't help a marriage when a man feels his ego threatened by talking out his lack of desire.Even when approached in a "good,non-blaming way".I just feel it would be helpful to also encourage men out there,the Bible says both our bodies belong to each other. We both are accountable to sexually loving our partners.

Thank you for bringing this up. I too was married to a man who did not want to touch me. He finally convinced himself that I was 'sending him to hell' by causing him to sin. It is also true that as we age women find more desire for sex. I have written dozens of articles on both topics, for public, and seminary audiences. I know a holistic practitioner that has changed men's diet, reducing a lot of junk and coffee, and this improved their ability.

John

This article saved my marriage. My wife enjoys sex for the first time in 15 years thanks to this, and let me tell you, I am one happy camper now in God's KOA. She had a real problem overcoming about 30 years of deep repression and shame about, well, pretty much every possible sexual act. I don't think I saw her fully nude for the first 5 years we were together...what other Christian couples may take for granted took a lot of work with us. Now she is like a new woman, and no longer has fear of the Lord and His Host watching us express our godly love for each other. Someday I really hope to have sex with her outside, under the sky, where all in Heaven can witness our love and her trust in Jesus not to put it on the toobz.

Lewis

This is hands down the best article I've seen on helping Christian wives (note I said Christian wives) see how they can truly capture the heart and soul of their husband. Getting his body will happen in the process. I wish there would be one written for husbands too. Husbands also need to do the 12 things for the wife and seek her very best. Michael is your wife up for the challenge. Actually a women would need to write it as only she would know what really gets her heart and soul to give her body to her husband in really good, hot, rapturous sex. Good married sex, from a heart of deep commitment, can greatly enhance an already really good marriage.

The problem is that all women want a different thing. But there is one word of advice my son was given. "If you want to have sex tonight, then start initiating contact before you go to work.' Unfortunatly the #1 reason women refuse sex is that they are stressed, and tired. In many houses a man works 8 hours, and a woman works 15. He returns home at 6, has a 3 - 4 hour rest, then is ready. This rarely works because from the woman's point-of-view, he sat on the couch and watched her work all night, probably without any words of affirmation (or touching her language of love), and now that she is ready to crash in bed, he wants more from her. We could collaborate on this article if you are interested.

Scupulus

I think that women have the same urge for sex as men, just as Rachel stated already, however, I think the key aspect that maybe he missed in a way, is that women tend to hide this urge. Even from their husbands. This is where the problem lies. Women tend to hide their sexual urge because society says that they of indecent characters if they do. However it is important to note that while you are expected to be decent in public, in private with your husband, remember to release that wild side. He needs to see that, to know he turns you on. Who can call you names or make you feel bad in your bedroom, only you or your husband. And in that case it should be for a totally different reason. SEX!!!!

This is so true and as a husband it is good to hear a women (I am guessing)say it. If I see my wife's wild side and she lets herself into the sexual experience it so bonding for me as her husband because I want her to enjoy me and my ability as a lover. It's motivating me to wait on her hand and foot because she's serving herself body and soul. Wonderful sex is like the best glue to a marriage relationship and keeps it centered on each other.

Ann

Great article!

I think this article is only one-sided. This article is from a man's standpoint. You did not mention the women's changing body no where in your article. I think oral sex is for animals, and God did not mean for two human beings to lick and suck all over each other's private parts.

Not to disrespect your oppinion about this matter but you are dead wrong. No where in the Bible does it say anything against, to put it in your words, sucking and blowing all over each others bodies. God intended sex to be fulfilling in every way. you are just closed minded and full of age-ol myths aboput sex. you prob still believe that contemporary Christian musis is from the Devil. Well are you aware that Amazing Grace was contemporary in its day...? God bless

Michelle

NOWHERE IN SCRIPTURES does it say "God intended sex to be fulfilling in every way." Absolutely for a man to release his seed in oral sex is a sin. Read scriptures, dude! Intentionally spilling seed is a sin. Sex is for married people only and it must be open to new life -- God's gift of life. Oral sex can prevent an eternal soul from being created and born.