Change Your Marriage From Being Roomates to Lovers

A marriage that is filled with love, romance, communication and passion is possible when you learn to demonstrate and verbalize your love on a daily basis. Many couples lose sight of what they did in the beginning of the relationship which made them fall in love in the first place. What they did was kiss, hug, talk, listen, spend time with each other and make each other feel special. It was the ACTION that caused the ATTRACTION.

What follows is the formula for having a love affair with your mate that will last a lifetime.

1. A 10 Second Kiss Everyday - A peck on the cheek says, “I love you,” but a 10 second kiss says, “I’m still in love with you!” A kiss is the core of a relationship and the most intimate act a couple can engage in. It is a barometer of how things are going. Most couples aren’t even aware of when their relationship started changing. What started out as a passionate relationship, over time becomes a friendship. One day they wake up and realize, “We’re roommates and no longer lovers! In order to stay lovers, it’s time to shock your mate. You may choose whatever time of day is best for you. If you give him a 10 second kiss in the morning, it will set the tone for the rest of the day. If you decide to give him a passionate kiss in the evening, it will set the mood for the rest of the night. Remember, this is not your brother, sister peck on the cheek which feels comfortable and platonic. It’s a passionate kiss that makes you feel warm, close and connected. So, grab your mate tonight or tomorrow morning and give him a passionate 10 second kiss. When he says, “What’s gotten into you?” your reply should be, “We are not going to be roommates anymore. From now on we are going to be lovers again!”

2. A 20 Second Hug Everyday – Research indicates that receiving hugs significantly increases the supply of oxygen to all the organs in our bodies. A hug causes our body to release endorphins. A hug can be a refuge, a sanctuary, a safe haven to go to when you need to know that you are cared about. There will be times in your relationship when your mate is crabby, argumentative and unreasonable. At times like this, the last thing you’ll want to do is hug him. But, that’s the time when your mate needs a hug the most. There is nothing like a warm embrace to calm and soothe a cranky person. It takes at least 5 seconds to block out all the outside distractions and another 15 seconds to exchange that loving energy with one another. When hugging, it is important to remember that not only are you giving, you are receiving. Just as with the 10-second kiss, you and your mate begin to breathe in unison and become one. When giving a hug, focus on sending love from your heart. When receiving a hug, focus on taking love in through your heart. If you take the time to feel both the giving and receiving, your hug will nurture you, your mate and your relationship.

3. A 5 Second Compliment Everyday – It only takes five seconds to turn a frown into a smile and put a bounce in your mate's step for the rest of the day. If you concentrate on your mate’s strengths, notice all the little things he or she does for you, praise them for their small accomplishments and reinforce their capabilities, your payoff will be a warm, loving, passionate, and devoted partner.

4. 30 Minutes of Dialogue Everyday -Share your day. You need to spend 30 minutes of uninterrupted time talking to each other every day. If you don’t, then the days become weeks, and weeks become months and before you know it, you’re sitting across from a stranger thinking, “I don’t know you.” It doesn’t matter if you talk while you walk, talk while you drive, talk while you are sitting on a couch or talk on the telephone if one of you is out of town. When or where you talk doesn’t matter. What counts is that you do it! If you are at home, keep distractions to a minimum. Close off the outside world by turning off the television, turning off the ringer on the phone and close your bedroom door if you need to.

5. Date Night Once a Week - You have 6 other evenings to be with family and friends. This is your special night together. Take turns planning date night. One week it’s your turn, the next it’s his. It doesn’t matter where you go or what you do, as long as it’s just the two of you. You can go to dinner, see a movie or play, attend a sporting event, go bowling, play miniature golf, shoot pool, go to a video arcade, visit a museum, go to the zoo or have a picnic in the park. When both spouses are willing to take the time from their busy schedules to plan a date and stick to it no matter what, it sends a powerful message of love that says, “You are a priority in my life and I enjoy spending time with you and you alone.”

6. Schedule Intimate Time Together on the Calendar –Because most people live such hectic lives, it’s easy to let your sex life take a back seat to your other commitments. But, the most important commitment in your life is the one you made to your partner. Instead of waiting to make love until the time is right, you must create the time by planning it in advance. We put doctor and dentist appointments on the calendar. We even schedule car maintenance on the calendar. We also need to put the person who means the most to us on the calendar. Giving your mate a small gift that relates to your scheduled time together is a great way to build anticipation and is one way to begin an intimate encounter before the actual event.

7. Do Something Spontaneous Every 6 Months – There is nothing more boring than knowing a person so well that you can predict his or her every move. If you are guilty of the crime of predictability, you can escape a life sentence of boredom with a little creativity. Inside every man and woman, no matter how powerful or successful, there’s a little boy nd a little girl who is waiting to come out and play. A man or woman who knows how to be playful is a joy in his or her mate’s life. Plan an “Oh, no, I couldn’t. That’s not me,” kind of surprise. When you do something unexpected and unpredictable, not only does that excite your mate because they never know what to expect, but it also makes your heart beat faster and puts butterflies in your stomach.

9. Once a Year Take a One Week Vacation –For Just the Two of You.. You never would have fallen in love in the first place if you hadn’t spent quality time with each other. Gather up all the brochures you can and plan your intimate week well in advance so you have something to look forward to. If you are worried that this does not include the children, the best gift you ever give your children is a loving relationship with each other. The happiest and most well-adjusted children come from a home where mom and dad love each other.

10. Make a “Do Not Disturb” Sign for Your Door. Have your children make 2 “Do Not Disturb Signs” for your door as well as their own door. Explain that mommy and daddy need time alone and so do they. Teach them to respect your privacy. You may want to purchase some special videos they can watch or games and activity books that they can play with unsupervised and save for your “private times.” Let them know that when they want their own private time, they just need to put the sign on their door and you will respect that as well. Setting up boundaries is all about taking care of ourselves. It’s a valuable lesson that children and adults need to incorporate in their daily lives.

Author's Bio: 

Ellen Kreidman, a highly acclaimed relationship expert. Over 1 million of her CD programs, "Light His Fire" and "Light Her Fire" have been sold worldwide. She has been featured on every major talk show including, Oprah, The View and The Today Show. For more information on improving your marriage visit Dr. Ellen at