Divorce Advice: How To Get Even With Your Ex to Survive Your Divorce

Now, I know that many of you have been burned badly by your ex-spouse. You are so furious that the mere mention of this person conjures up every conceivable negative, vicious fantasy that comes to mind. You know that there will never come the day that the two of you can be in the same room, and you have sworn that you will never utter a single civil word to this person again.

The purpose of this article is not to try to convince you to change your mind about all of this (although there is tremendous benefit to ultimately doing so. But perhaps that's a topic for a totally different article.)

Rather, it is my hope to present a totally different perspective to help you move past this tumultuous place in your life.

Let's face it, holding onto the vicious revenge fantasies keeps you mired in a negative ugly place. Your stomach is in knots. Your face is contorted, and your mind is racing and overloaded.

No wonder it's impossible for you to do much of anything constructive for yourself. Let me go on record that I am very sympathetic and understanding of your situation. In, fact, I will listen intently and hold your your hand very patiently (at least for a reasonable amount of time.)

But let's be clear. There is a perverse pleasure into holding onto your indignant pain, to feel justified in being the injured party. To let go of that can be like letting go of your favorite pair of jeans. The indignation is such part of you that you feel almost naked without it.

However, ultimately there needs to be that defining moment when you finally say, " I'm ready to let it go!!"

And that's okay! You can use your discomfort to mobilize yourself into action. And, you can use that energy constructively to get yourself into gear and to make the kind of changes you've been talking about forever but not acting upon!

*What I am asking you to do is to envision the kind of life only you can envision for yourself. What would it look like? How would it feel? Is it truly out of your reach?

*Allow yourself the delicious luxury of the look on your ex's face when you accomplish your goals. Will he/she be remorseful, jealous or sorry? Fantasize that they want to turn back the clock. Delight in telling them it's too late!!! That they blew it.

*When you have fully enjoyed the smug feeling of superiority, the sheer power of rejecting them for a change, savor it, and then: LET IT GO!!

Because, at the end of the day, this isn't about them. This is about YOU!! You, and your capabilities. It is important to begin a life that focuses on defining yourself. One that does not have even an iota of thought about this other person. Then you are finally on your way to building an extraordinary life for yourself in the future.

*Enlist the support of a trusted friend or coach, and put into words the changes you would like to see happen.

*Ask this person to help you stay accountable to these goals.

*More important, make a promise to yourself that you will stay committed to your aspirations.

None of the above is easy. In fact, it takes a tremendous amount of courage, perseverance, and perhaps some luck to make the kinds of changes in your life that we are talking about. But the potential rewards are tremendous.

And now I would like to invite you to sign up for two free newsletters designed to help you create extraordinary relationships in your life.

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