By Carl "J.C." Pantejo, Copyright 2007

- “Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…” -

(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)

*Below is the first of a series of actual events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: mid-2008.

- HEALING -

It’s taken me exactly 29 days to feel semi-healed from my shattered heart. The ex-girlfriend doesn’t live in my mind 24/7 anymore. I can work again.

I don’t feel the cloud of sadness constantly hovering over me. I don’t feel like I’m barely “a stutter of an inhale” away from breaking down. The tears have stopped. I can even view reminders and images of her without instantly feeling like I’m riding the downside of a steep roller coaster. Mutual, familiar songs no longer bite into my heart or knock the wind out of me.

Let me tell you about the worst/best relationship I’ve had so far in my life. Also, I want to share my personal grief letter with all who are currently hurting from heartbreak.

- LOVE IS BLIND –

It’s true that when you love someone, you tend to overlook what others see as obvious until it’s much too late.

In retrospect, I was totally oblivious to the many tell-tale signs of the magnitude of my lopsided relationship. I gave everything. I received nothing.

She was a young woman, not ready to settle down. I was a war-weary ex-soldier of life who desperately wanted an everlasting friend/lover. I wanted a woman capable of a mature, loving relationship. Most of the time, she acted like a brooding or spoiled, immature girl.

She wanted to experience the excitement and seduction of nightlife, not the security and love of a stable home and a lifelong partner.

I’ve “been there, done that” and think I know what I truly want out of life. She’s still searching for her true identity; and consequently doesn’t really know what she wants. I wanted honesty. She felt the need to hide and lie to me and her friends.

I wanted to teach and take care of her. She wanted more independence WITHOUT having to work for it.

I wanted to learn all the wonderful things from her different, exotic culture. She was too impatient to teach me; getting frustrated whenever “it took too long to communicate” simple, important things.

Finally, I realized that at this point in her life, she is incapable of fulfilling my needs – and I, hers.

Sure, I will miss so many things about her. I’ll miss her innocent awkwardness; her alive and sweet laughing eyes; her spontaneous and honest facial expressions; her beautiful smile, her skin, her laugh, her full lips, her hair, her naturally fit body, her childlike wonder over things that I usually take for granted.

I’ll miss eating with her; sleeping next to her and smelling her perfume and hair; and of course (in the beginning), our passionate sex.

- REALITY: WHAT I WON’T MISS -

I won’t miss: her financial irresponsibility, her deceptions and lies, her lack of any sustained caring, her inability to have fun with me, her random coldness; her chronic impulsive behavior; her betrayal, her silence, her selfishness, her lack of trust, her constant accusations (I guess because she fooled around on me so much), her ignorance of my feelings, her childish behavior, her low frustration threshold – no patience, her lack of self-control (I want it now!), her inability to sustain affection; her lack of concentration, her inability to make her own decisions, her lack of interest in learning new things, languages, and skills; her sloppiness in the home; her shortsightedness, etc.

- GRIEF LETTER -

A grief letter is recommended by almost all experts to help overcome a broken heart. Although you are never supposed to mail it (which I didn’t), I’m including it here to illustrate what kind of living hell I endured.

Dear xxx,

I loved you; then you hurt me.

I trusted you; then you lied to me.

I was loyal to you; then you betrayed me.

I worked hard for you; then you did not help me.

I needed you, especially when I lost two of my four jobs, was ill with pneumonia from overwork, and lonely; then you went away with another man.

I gave you all my money; then you wasted it, spending it on your friends and other men.

I gave you my soul when we made love; then you made sex feel like a job.

I wanted to be your best friend and make you laugh and smile; then you would leave me out of your world, having fun only with other people.

I was proud to have you in my life; then you acted like you were ashamed of me.

I had no secrets from you; then you hid everything personal from me.

I wanted to be with you for life; then you pushed me away whenever you felt yourself loving me.

I let you have my whole heart; then you just broke it and stepped on it.

I wanted you to learn a new and better life; then you just stayed in the past.

I now realize that when we were together, I WAS WITH YOU, but YOU WERE NEVER REALLY WITH ME.

Why? I guess I’ll never know.

It’s over and I’m glad it’s finished.

I take my heart and life back.

I do not hate you.

I forgive you.

In fact, I will always love you.

But you will not be part of my world anymore.

Thank you.

Now I know more about myself, more of what I really want in life and love.

Through the darkness I found the light of my own self.

My experience with you (however heartbreaking) has taught me how to forgive, accept, respect, and fully love myself.

Thank you, sweetheart.

I hope you find your way. I hope you find yourself.

I hope you learn to love yourself – so you can finally love someone else.

Maybe you’ll realize in the future that people are more important than things.

Love,

J.C.

Note to all my friends out there:

I’m not now (or have ever been) a quitter. I’ve stitched together the pieces of my heart and let my life move on. My heart is not pretty, but it’s whole again – and I’m proud of the scars. It’s a testament to my loving nature and courage to love.

I’m fearless; brave enough to risk a thousand heartbreaks daily in order to love unconditionally and abundantly.

I continue to learn and live my life with as much joy as I can muster. I know that great things are always waiting to enter my life. My only job is to make room for them to fully manifest. This can only be done by getting rid of past, excess baggage.

Just like everything in life, things are neither good, nor bad – until we put our own labels on them.

While going through the outrage, tears, and depression of my last heartbreak, I could barely believe my own advice to others.

But I held on. And if you are hurting, I know you can too.

This last relationship has made me stronger in so many ways. I am not bitter in the least. In fact, I know that I’m able to love better for it.

If you just hang on, you can too!

(In the next article in this series, I will give you the real life account of what happened immediately after writing the above grief letter. It’s truly miraculous…

Until then, find “The Flow” and jump in!)

Your friend in this intrepid journey called life,

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo

Note: If you want to read more about overcoming heartbreak, unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:

“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive.”

“Remember Who You Are!”

“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”

(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keywords: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com

love, heartbreak, relationships, grief, grief letter, recovery, miraculous.

Author's Bio: 

He is a retired U.S. military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of high school early; only to earn an A.A., B.S., and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps medic. In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he free-fall parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water. He went to Thailand 1 year ago for a week’s vacation, fell into a teaching job, and has never left!

Carl “J.C.” Pantejo
pantejo@ynvurcepublishing.com
Founder, Y.N. Vurce Publishing
www.ynvurcepublishing.com