Sometimes life seems to be a giant “to do” list. The goal of our days becomes the exercise of checking items off our list. When grief is involved, the frustration can seem overwhelming. Grief is not easily checked off the list.

Getting through each day can become the goal of each day for those who grieve. There is often a contraction from life in an attempt to just make it back home in order to pull the blinds and curl up on the couch.

The goal of life can become hiding from life. There is no awareness of living in the moment. Grief instead brings impatience and frustration and resignation.

When there is no awareness of the present moment, life can feel very scary. Grief retracts into the past and catapults forward into a future filled with fear and uncertainty.

The present moment becomes lost in illusion. Fear blocks the awareness of the next step in the present moment. From this paralyzing place, there is no sense of moving through grief. There is only a frantic shift between what was in the past and what there is to fear in the future.

This fear can lead to a paralyzing sense of stagnation. Grief feels overwhelming. There can be a sense of just wanting the grief to be over.

Grief is not something that can be checked off of your “to do list”. Grief is a process. While each person finds their own way on this journey through grief, the important word here is “through”.

The cycle from past to future and back again will not move one through grief. The way through grief is to live in the “now” of the present moment.

It’s only in the present moment that one can appreciate and understand the movement through grief. The subtle shifts can only be recognized through the living of each moment of each day from a place of awareness.

Grief is not easy. The goal is not to escape grief. The goal is to live into each new moment of life from a place of awareness. Awareness is the starting point for the transformation of grief into the next chapter of your life.

Author's Bio: 

Sandy Clendenen lost her husband and best friend in 1999, after twenty-one years of marriage. Her grief process was lengthy and complex. Sandy felt stuck in layers of unresolved grief. As part of her heaing, Sandy filled numerous journals with her thoughts and feelings. A review of these journals several years later revealed insights into the grief process which Sandy is now committed to sharing with other grievers. Sandy attended seminary for 3 years. She also received her Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology. Sandy has also worked in various areas of hands on healing. Sandy incorporates her vast personal experience and education into her grief coaching products and services.

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Sandy Clendenen is The Official Guide to Grief and Bereavement.