How To Get Your Man To Express His Feelings

These days, we often talk about wanting people to be more expressive about their feelings, about “telling it like it is” so we can have some open and honest dialog. If we could manage that, maybe we’d be happier, marriages would last longer, and maybe even a few other problems in the world would be made just that little but easier. But, despite political correctness, it’s still rather frowned upon for men to express emotions and talk about their feelings. So, what are the steps you can take to help your man to be more expressive about what he’s feeling?

Step one is to reciprocate by sharing your feelings too. Often, a man is unwilling to go first on such an issue as how he feels or what he really thinks. So, by you talking about your feelings first, you can make him feel better about talking about his. One little warning about this though; don’t go too far too fast. If you’re just starting out in a relationship, don’t talk about your feelings regarding marriage, children etc. You may end up scaring him into closing up as tight as a clam!

So, talk about your feelings regarding other things. Does he like cars? Talk about how much you love NASCAR. Is he a dog person? Ask him questions on the subject, and maybe express interest in getting a dog. Or, conversely, maybe you are a cat person, and you can talk to him about your love of the animals and then ask him how he feels about them. This can be an excellent means of bringing up the whole issue of feelings.

Next, talk about feelings in a non-threatening manner. From the time of the cavemen to the Gladiators, up to modern times, men have always faced their opponents face to face. So, it is in their genes to see someone in front of them as being confrontational. That means, if you want to talk about something personal and make him feel at ease, it is best to sit next to your man.

Then there is the environment. Talking to your man in a crowded sports bar is not the most conducive place to getting him to open up. Here again, the tribe mentality will take over. Haven’t you noticed how juvenile your man can act when he is around his friends? So, getting him to open up about his feelings is not going to be easy in such a situation. A truly intimate talk is best done in private. Along with that is your demeanor and reactions to him. If you belittle his feelings, laugh or ridicule him, you won’t encourage him to open up in the future.

Also, consider using relaxation techniques to help him feel more at ease. Just sitting at a table and talking is fine, but the more calm and relaxed he is, the more open he will be. So, it may sound like a cliché, but consider having him lie down. Maybe put on some soft music, and even give him a back rub. Smells can act as powerful mental triggers. Some nice scented candles may help him, or even just the smell of good food. What smells would make your man feel calm and at ease? Perhaps the scents of childhood; the smells of home and family. So, cooking him a meal like his mother used to prepare can help. Get your man in the right mood, calm and relaxed, and ask him a few open questions on light topics. You will soon have him in the mood to open up to you about what really matters.