How to Deal with Bullies

by Janet Ruth Heller, author of the book for kids How the Moon Regained Her Shape

While children need to learn to cope with constructive criticism, occasional tactless remarks, and accidental touching, they often need adult help with frequent harassment, whether it is verbal or physical. Kids rarely have the social or physical skills to deal with persistent bullies. Here is some advice for families whose kids get bullied.

1) Make sure that communication lines are open. Listen carefully to children when they complain about being taunted, threatened, pushed, or hit by other kids. Don’t dismiss their grief with “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me.” Name-calling does hurt and can wound a child’s self-esteem for many years. Bullying is dangerous to kids’ mental, emotional, and physical health.

2) Teach your children not to bully others by pointing out that everyone’s body is different and we all have different strengths and weaknesses. We can also disagree with one another without resorting to name-calling or fights. Discuss questions like these with your family. Is anyone’s body perfect? Do we have a right to make remarks that may hurt other people’s feelings? How can we have friendly arguments?

3) Talk with children about different options for countering verbal or physical attacks without being mean or violent. They can ask the bully to leave them alone and tell him or her that they are not interested in such comments, threats, etc. They can tell a nearby adult, such as a neighbor, a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a school psychologist, or a principal. They can ask their friends for advice.

4) Point out to children that when someone insults them with cruel words, these words do not make the insult true. Bullies often power-trip by trying to make others feel bad about themselves. Children can thwart bullies by retaining their self-confidence and happiness with themselves. Remind kids that they have friends and family members who like them and care about them and see them as good and nice people.

5) Teach children that no matter how big, strong, or popular someone is, he or she does not have the right to hurt our bodies or our feelings. All kids need and deserve respect.

6) Help children understand that other kids may need them to stand up against a bully. Kids need to find a way to prevent bullies from hurting anyone. It is not tattling to tell an adult that a bully or a gang is planning to attack someone. If one adult will not listen, children need to keep telling adults until someone assists them.

7) Urge children to tell you or other adults if they see kids carrying weapons, especially if the other children threaten to use these weapons.

8) If bullying occurs at school, talk with teachers or with the principal. Encourage them to hold class workshops on bullying with trained social workers or psychologists. Also, suggest that the school establish a no-tolerance policy for bullying to keep kids safe. Many schools also have a “Bully Box” to allow students to report harassment without signing their names.

9) Consider giving your children basic training in self-defense. There are many classes for young people in karate, judo, and other martial arts. Such training can give children self-confidence and teach them how to block blows and frustrate attackers.

10) Dispel myths about bullies. Bullies can be any size, any sex, any age, and any skin color. We need to help children understand that bullying is not cool and that they have a right to counter bullies in any constructive way.

Author's Bio: 

Janet Heller, author of How the Moon Regained Her Shape (Sylvan Dell Publishing
2006), is an Assistant Professor within the English Department and Women’s Studies
Department at Western Michigan University. This is her first children’s book and it’s
received a Book Sense Pick for How the Moon Regained Her Shape Independent
Booksellers 2006.

Heller is an established writer and poet. Her past works include the book Coleridge,
Lamb, Hazlitt and the Reader of Drama detailing English, Irish, Scottish, and Welsh
drama. Heller has written a number of articles on British Literature, American Literature
and World Literature. She has published more than150 poems in books and journals and
has also reviewed literary based theater productions and movies.

Janet Heller earned her doctorate in English Language and Literature at the University of Chicago in 1987 and has been teaching ever since. Her classes range from topics of British Literature, American linguistics and dialect, poetry and advanced writing. She continues to publish articles based on her research and interests.

Heller has been featured in the Directory of American Poets and Fiction Writers since 1979. She won the Friends of Poetry Contest in Kalamazoo and was a finalist for the Richard Snyder Memorial Poetry Prize. How the Moon Regained Her Shape was picked as the Book Sense Selection for summer 2006.

Before completing her doctorate, Heller graduated from the University of Wisconsin with a B.A. in 1971 and a M.A. in 1973, both in English Literature. She majored in English and Spanish with a minor in Linguistics. In addition to Heller’s interests in literature and modern language, she enjoys birdwatching, hiking, and canoeing.