Why People Don’t Do What they Want to Do and DO what they Don’t Want to Do.

Change is one of the biggest concepts talked about in today’s society. Everyone is saying how fast the world is changing, how we must change to keep up, how change is exciting.

But what is the process we need to understand on how to make change? What are the prerequisites to be a “change being?” Most people don’t do what they want and do what they don’t want to do. Why is this?

Don’t Have The right attitude
The right attitude is crucial for change to be a positive experience. We must see change as something we want and that is exciting and will provide us with new possibilities. The power of positive thinking has been examined in great depth in many books. Seek these out and find out how.

Don’t know how to Renew the mind
This means learning to look at things from a new perspective. Perspective is how we see things. With a new perspective change is easy. Try and change with a non empowering perspective is hard. Some negative perspectives are doubt, fear, blame, criticism, low self-esteem, and judgement. Some empowering perspectives are trust, positive thinking, respect, commitment, and responsibility.
Changing our perspective involves looking at how we may look at things differently. It sometimes helps to consider how an outsider would view these circumstances.

Can’t Form New Habits
Habits are the main thing that determines how we behave. To change a habit we must do something 7 times to reinforce the behaviour. Understanding the process of enforcing habits can make a big difference. Some of these are:-
· Getting a support system to put a new habit in place.
· Getting a reminder system
· Making appointments with yourself
· Changing thinking patterns

Don’t understand The Tools to Change
With all the desire in the world we cannot change without the tools. Tools provide us with the framework to make a difference. Some of the tools may be:-

· Overcoming fear
· Overcoming obstacles
· Knowing where to change
· Keeping the momentum
· Drawing on the resources of others
· Recognizing our own limitations
· Aligning change to our values

Not Knowing where you are headed.

A goal is so imperative to where you want to go. But how many of us have a clearly defined statement for our life, know our values or have any goals written down? Affirmations can be a great way to write a goal in a positive way. They can keep the mind focused on our goal if they are referred to regularly.

Not Getting others to help you

We are all designed to be in community. We are all imperfect and so have to depend on the strengths of others to compliment our weaknesses. Getting a Support Person such as a coach or mentor is crucial to successful change. Coaching is a powerful process to enable a person to clarify what they want and the steps to get there. It allows for accountability, support, encouragement, feedback, challenge- all things we can not get alone. How many Olympic medallists would have won a medal without a coach? None – so is life that much different. We are more isolated now and don’t have the same family support we used to. We move around more and have less close friends. Someone like a Support Person, Life Coach or Mentor can dramatically make a difference as to the level of change in your life.

Stopping before the change has happened.

This is the biggest obstacle to change. Many start off well but do not complete the race. Perseverance is key. Keeping your eye on the goal is crucial and not losing heart. Evaluation is important to recognize ways that have been successful and those that need changing.

How to change
One of the most well respected models for change is the GROW principle. This is as follows:-
· Goal –
o Clarify the goal, breaking it down into manageable steps
· Reality-
o consider where you are now and what is the gap. What resources can you tap into.
· Options-
o Considering the different options to reach your goal
· Way forward-
o Deciding on an action plan and sticking to it. Celebrating success and keeping going or adjusting the plan


Understanding why we don’t change can be the key to knowing how to make lasting change The above are some of the steps we can take to facilitate change. It is a complicated but exciting process and one, which brings the spice to life. Go out there and live life to the full and change for the better.

Written by Jane Johnson

Author's Bio: 

Jane Johnson is a Certified Coach and founder of Aspect Coaching. She has work in corporate life for over 10 years as a Training Manager, HR Manager and for the last 5 years self employed as a Consultant, Trainer and now a Coach.

She specialisesin coaching professional women in their twenties and thirties who are unmotivated in their current work and want to find rewarding work or women executives who are overwhelmed and want to know how to work smarter not harder. This includes mentor coaching new coaches and training coaches to become Certified Biblical Coaches through an International Coaching Academy.