Have you ever really listened to yourself thoughtfully, and analyzed the deeper meanings and implications of what you were saying?

Doing this can be a sobering experience. Recently, after something really positive had happened unexpectedly, I said to my husband Lee, “I don’t believe it!”

Immediately, I realized what I had done and exclaimed, “I take that statement back!! I do believe good things can happen! I do believe it!” In the flash of a moment, I suddenly understood the deeper message I was sending to myself and to the Universe.

Reflected in my original statement was an underlying feeling of doubt that I deserved good things to happen in my life and that good things would really happen to me. It was a left-over remnant of what I call “scarcity thinking” instead of the “abundance thinking” that I focus on now.

You may say that I’m being too picky in looking so closely at the words I say and the statements I make, but I have found that the language we choose to use is extremely important. You are co-creating your world with every thought you think and every word that you utter.

Have you ever heard a co-worker or friend who has applied for an advancement position at work say, “I really doubt that I’ll be picked for this, but I applied anyway”? Can you hear what a negative message this sends? The energy of doubt will permeate everything the person does, including body language during the interview, tone of voice in responding to interview questions, and their general confidence level that will communicate in many subtle ways.

Now take these two examples and translate them into relationship situations. A spouse who says, “My husband would never go to counseling with me” is setting up the very situation she doesn’t want.

It may be true that her husband isn’t going to be enthusiastic about couples counseling, and maybe she’ll have to try various approaches to let him know how serious she is about this.

But by making the negative prediction, she is contributing to a negative outcome. Instead, she could tell herself, “I’m going to need to be creative in how I approach this because I know there’s a creative solution to this situation.”

Or what about the spouse who, when her mate does something really thoughtful and nice, tells a friend, “I don’t believe it! He actually thought of me and went out of his way! I almost fainted!”

Reflected in this response is an underlying belief that her spouse is going to be thoughtless and neglectful of her needs. By reinforcing this image through her statements about her mate, this wife is helping to perpetuate the husband’s cycle of behavior.

Another important concept to be aware of is what happens when you speak words of negation, such as “don’t” or “not” or “no.” The Law of Attraction says that you attract into your life what you think about and focus on, but it doesn’t compute the negative words you may use. For example, the statement “I don’t want to argue” sends the message “I want to argue” or “I want more arguments.”

Mother Teresa knew the power of words and being careful to focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want. When she was invited to join an anti-war protest, she replied, ‘Let me know when there’s a march for peace.”

Think of the difference between saying to your partner, “I want to be in harmony with you,” versus saying, “I don’t want to fight all the time.” Or what about the difference between saying, “I love it when we can spend time together on the weekends,” versus, “You always ignore me and never spend time with me.”

Become aware of what you’re creating when you say “I’m not” or make negative statements. Also be aware of the power of saying the words “I am,” such as “I am unhappy,” or “I am bored with my marriage,” or “I am always a loser in love.” You’re setting powerful energy into motion that may deliver your request to your doorstep.

Over time, the words you say to yourself and to others and the thoughts you dwell on all impact what you create in your marriage, in your job, in your family and social relationships, and in the quality of your life. Words contain power—it’s up to you to use that power wisely to create more of what you want to experience.

Author's Bio: 

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is a licensed professional counselor and co-creator of Overcome Control Conflict with Your Spouse or Partner, available at www.ControllingSpouse.com. She is also co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I don’t love you anymore!” which is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , as well as a free weekly marriage advice newsletter. Visit http://www.SeasonsOfLoveMovie.com to view a free inspirational relationship-building video.