Dating conversation - it’s critical if you want to get more dates.

It doesn’t matter if you’re introducing yourself for the first time, if you’re on your first date or if you’re trying to turn your date into a relationship – if you haven’t got the chat, you haven’t got a chance.

It’s Not Body Language

Of course, you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s all in the body language. I’m sure you’ve heard of the Professor Albert Mehrabian’s 7%/38%/55%. Where only 7% of the meaning that you communicate is in the words that you speak – the remaining percentages being down to how you say the words and your body language respectively.

Well, did you know that the research was only validated for conversations where the subjects were talking about feelings and attitudes? It’s NOT universally applicable – and if you go into a dating conversation thinking that all you need to do is smile and hold eye contact, your partner will have you marked down as a loony within seconds. End of!

Virtuous or Vicious Circle?

I’m not arguing here that body language isn’t important. It clearly is. But it’s part of a circle – the other side of which is your dating conversation.

Let’s assume that you and your partner both find each other physically attractive. Why else would you be talking to each other as dates or potential dates?

If you’re conversation is going well, if you’re enjoying being in the company of the person you’re with, your body relaxes, becomes more open, you lean in, you smile, you become more animated, you may touch each other playfully.

If the conversation is stunted, if it’s boring, then you’re more likely to be sitting back, crossing your legs, maybe your arms, your mouth will barely break a smile, your eyes searching elsewhere in the room.

So your body language is definitely giving the game away here. But it’s how much you and your partner are enjoying the conversation that determines the body language each of you displays. It’s what you say that’s either turning your partner on or turning them away even though their body is still there.

The Secret of Dating Conversation

Herein lies the secret of great dating conversation.

Ultimately, one of the 3 key elements in a successful relationship is that of ‘Best Friends’ chemistry.

Why are your best friends, your best friends? Simply because you enjoy each others company. They make you laugh, they intrigue you, they stimulate your mind, they fascinate you. Whatever it is that they do for you, when you are together, you get feelings of pleasure. Otherwise, why else would they be a great friend?

So if you want this date, or potential date, to be a success, your sole aim…is to ensure they have fun. To ensure that when they are with you they experience as much pleasure as you can create for them. Conversationally speaking…!

And that’s where we get back to conversation. Your dating conversation skills will largely be judged on how able you are to create a conversation that your partner enjoys. Ultimately, that leads to you getting more dates.

If you’re thinking this is obvious, yes it is! But how many times do you leave a dating conversation wondering why you didn’t hit it off or why they never called you? It all comes back to the fact that your partner didn’t enjoy themselves enough as a result of your conversation.

If you can get this, and I really mean understand and believe it, then all of the skills and techniques you can learn to create better dating conversation will be easy for you.

One Principle of Better Dating Conversation

Let me leave you with one key principle so that you can go out today and start creating better (think – more pleasurable) dating conversations.

The power of the question.

Your dating conversation will be made up of you both asking and answering questions. If you ask the right questions, your partner is going to have fun. If you ask the wrong questions, they are going to ditch you.

The right questions are ones that get your partner to experience pleasurable feelings. For example:

• What do you love to do in your spare time?
• What do you particularly enjoy about that?
• If you could go on a fantasy holiday, anywhere in the world, where would it be and what would you do?

As they think about the answers they will actually experience good feelings, because they are recounting or creating pictures and memories in their head of things they enjoy doing.

Ask these pleasure inducing questions enough on a date and at the end of the date, your partner will have had fun. And if your partner’s had fun – they’re going to want to go on another date with you!

I won’t go into the wrong questions. I think you can probably work out what the wrong type of questions would be. But remember, this is one of the key principles in dating conversation success.

Author's Bio: 

You can get the other 4 key principles to dating conversation success by downloading the free first chapter to my ‘How to Enjoy Your Speed Dating Conversations and Win More Dates’ book. Make all your dating conversations fun and get more dates. Visit

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