Need Relationship Advice? - Seven Ways To Keep the "ME" In Your "WE"

Have you ever started a new relationship that seemed just perfect--the one you've been waiting for--and then seemingly out of the blue, it all starts to go bad? If so, you're not alone. We're guessing you, like most of us, want a healthy, successful relationship with a caring loving partner. Once you find that person and begin the relationship, the very first thing you might want to do is learn how to maintain it for a lifetime. A big mistake many people make is to believe that when you first start a new intimate relationship, you should become one with the other person. Read on to find out seven tips that will help you sustain your special "ME" and not just become a "WE.”

To create happy, satisfying relationships, it is imperative that you do everything you can to look after your own individual spirit. You are a vital element of every relationship you are a part of. Your personal desires, values, and dreams are unique and enhance every relationship you enter into and you enhance them only the way YOU can. If you believe that when you begin a new relationship you should develop all the same wants and desires that your partner has, you will miss much of what a truly loving relationship can offer.

Whether you're in a new romance or have been with your partner for many years, nurturing and caring for each person’s uniqueness is a common problem for many relationships.

Often people are together so much that they are lost or lonely when they’re not with their significant other. This loneliness or sense of loss is a clue that you might be losing the "you" in the relationship. When you make your dreams, values, and desires as important as your partner’s, you maintain your sense of self. Maintaining your own essence is the easiest way we know to create and keep a healthy, happy relationship thriving for a lifetime:
Here are seven steps to cultivate and care for yourself:

1. Reading is a great way to relax. Read books that inspire you, or just make you feel good in some way. Is there a book you've wanted to read? If so, take a few minutes now and decide when you're going to read it. Relaxing time at home, taking time to read a good book without any disturbances can enliven you and bring new vitality into your relationship.

2. Discover new places. Go somewhere you have wanted to go but haven't because only you were interested. Perhaps see a movie or television show that you’ve wanted to see, visit that Gallery with that interesting exhibit, or register for that language course you've always wanted to take. Don’t deny yourself just because your partner might think it's boring.

3. Make time for family. Being with loving family members helps you to create and maintain thriving relationships in other areas of your life. Very often, when we enter into a new intimate relationship, we put aside our family time in favor of spending all our time with the new love interest. Strong family ties help us feel a sense of belonging that is with us whether we're in an intimate relationship or not.

4. Spend time with your friends. Go out and do things together. Being with good friends helps you loosen up and be yourself.

5. Never stop doing what's fun for you. If you’re a skater and your partner’s not, don't stop skating. If you like to see plays, go see them. Because you’re a couple now is no reason to stop doing the things you love to do just because you're partner isn't interested. If it was something you enjoyed before you were in this relationship, we can almost guarantee it still will be.

6. Love yourself! If you don’t, who will? Get a facial or a massage, or take a hot soothing bath. Do things that make you feel great--you know what they are. Loving and treating yourself well can only bring more love and caring into your relationship.

7. Find out what is most important to you. Get in touch with yourself by identifying what you value at the core level. When you do this, you are able to give to your relationship at a much deeper and more profound level. Please download our complementary values exercise. You can find it by visiting our website. When you finish the worksheet, make a list of the actions you can take that will support you in having more of what you value in your life. Next time you feel sad and lonely, take out your list and do something on it.

A healthy, satisfying relationship needs as much supportive “me” time as it does “we” time. Be sure to schedule both.