Why are so many people depressed or unhappy with their life? I believe that it is because we have become a culture of negativity. Somewhere along the way our focus has changed from what is and could be to a very negative what should have been. This way of thinking has taken a very firm hold in our society and culture. People spend far too much time and energy thinking about what they don’t have that they cannot see what is good in their lives. We focus on our problems and dwell on them, with thoughts of what we should have done instead of looking for solutions like what we could be doing right now to change our situation or position in life. I believe that people suffering from depression have simply become inactive in their life goals. They become depressed when their life does not mirror their ideology of what should have been. Instead of adapting and changing their vision and goals they become trapped by their thoughts of what they have not yet achieved. Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about. I recently talked to a woman who was severely depressed. She told me that she had lost all motivation and desire to accomplish anything in her life. Just getting out of bed became a challenge for her. I started by asking her what she thought she was missing in her life. What did she think she should have accomplished by this point in her life? Who did she imagine she would have been and what did she think she should have had? What I discovered was that her ideology of what her life should have been was nowhere close to the life she was living. She believed that by the time she was 35 years old she would have had a flourishing career as an Attorney, would have traveled the world, had a fairy tale marriage, and had two children a boy and a girl. The reality about her life was she never finished college; she married very young; she was a stay at home mom to three boys; and her husband worked long hours so he could provide a good life for his family. Her lack of accomplishment had put her into a very depressed emotional state, she was on medication but as her depression deepened her medication only covered up the real issues. At this point in time she could have won the lottery and her emotional state would not have changed for very long. So how could we change her emotional state? I believe that there are 5 steps to changing your emotional state. They are;

1. We change our Body Language
2. We change our Mental Focus
3. We change our Language of Thought
4. We change our Belief System
5. We Find Purpose in life

Here’s how it works. There is a body language of strength; there is a body language of confidence; a body language of success; a body language of power by changing our physical state we also change our emotional state. Our body posture can literally change how we feel. When our shoulders are up, our heads are held high, we have a smile on our face, our hands and arms are at our side, and we stand tall and proud our brain chemistry changes. When we are depressed our bodies assume a very different physical state. Our shoulders are down, our heads are down, our arms are crossed, our bodies are tense, and we are certainly not smiling. It may not be the same for everyone but the changes in your body language are there and if you simply alter them your emotional state will change.
The next step is what we chose to focus on. When we are depressed we focus on negative thought like how bad things are, or what we haven’t done with our lives, or that we aren’t contributing enough, that our lives have no purpose, and so on. We need to change our mental focus, instead of focusing on the negative focus on the positive. Focus on what is going right with your life. Don’t worry about what you haven’t done there is always time accomplishment, but only if you allow for it. Give yourself permission to achieve what it is that you feel you are lacking in your life. The only limitations that we have in our lives are the ones we place on ourselves. So positive thoughts are that we have the ability to change our lives, we have health, family, love, a home, what ever it may be change your mental focus.

Now we must change the language of our thought. Why is language of thought important? Because the language of thought controls what emotions we feel and the emotions we feel controls our actions and inactions. This is where you challenge the beliefs that you have. When we are depressed and in a negative state we have a very specific language of thought. We reinforce how we feel by what we chose to say about ourselves. We chose thoughts and language like we don’t matter, or things would better with out us, or my life has no meaning, and so on. This language that we use gives us permission to stay in the depression that we are in. By making a decision to change this language we chose to take back control of our lives. But it will also challenge us to take responsibility for our lives. We all know that it is far easier to blame outside forces for what we have become or for where we are then it is to face our fears and take responsibility for our lives and possibly fail. The risk of making positive changes for most people out weighs the rewards. If we change the language of thought we can change the risks. The power of positive thought will change how we view the outcome of the changes we are making in our lives by changing our emotional state from negative one to a positive one. Therefore reinforcing the decision to change what we are, who we are, and the condition of our lives. Remember that the expectations we have can be changed to meet our lives and never determine the quality of our live.

All that we have done to this point will be for one purpose and that purpose is to change our belief system. The beliefs that you have will shape who you are and what you will achieve. So it becomes very important for you to change what you believe so that the limitations you have placed on yourself can be lifted. How do beliefs change our limitations? They change how we make decisions by changing what emotions we have connected with change. For example if we believe we cannot do something what is our emotional state? We don’t even try if we know we will fail, we lower our emotional state and level of commitment to meet our expectations. If however we believe we can succeed then what is our emotional state? We put everything we have into trying to accomplish or achieve this goal because failure is not an option. I firmly think that what you believe about the world around you will shape what decisions you make and ultimately what you will achieve. So how important are your beliefs? They are critical to your success. We need to have a belief system that allows us to know beyond all shadows of doubt that doing something will be better than doing nothing. That what you do matters and that the quality of your life is determined by the decisions you make. You need to understand that as human beings we need challenges in our lives. That’s what gives our lives excitement and variety. The trick is to not dwell on them for to long, experience challenges solve them and move on.

Lastly we must find purpose in our lives. Whatever that is for you, find a way to contribute, I believe that if you only do things for yourself you will never find the fulfillment and happiness that you seek. When we have purpose we are emotionally charged to perform and that brings us to accomplishment. Why is purpose so important because it gives our lives meaning, it makes us important. So find your purpose in life and experience the challenges that life offers you. Learn from the mistakes you make and don’t avoid taking risks. The rewards will be a better life filled with the knowledge that you have overcome all the diversity that life has given you. We need to understand that no one knows what lies over the next hill or around the corners of our lives but we need to experience all of it. Everything from challenges, accomplishment, disappointment, joy, pain, failure and success all of this makes us who we are. Without pain we can never understand joy, without failure we never appreciate success. If you believe that there will never be pain and disappointment in your life you are only lying to yourself. What happens to us in life is never as important as what we do about it. At the moment we make a decision to change our lives that is when we gain the ultimate power, the power to live.

Author's Bio: 

John Tubiolo is a Personal and Professional Success Coach with over 20 years of experience in helping people succeed. He has Authored 3 book and is a very respected and sought after speaker. His seminars not only motivate and inspire people to change there lives but provide them with the tool they need to achieve success. He has worked with business leaders, millionaires, professional athletes, and people from all walks of life and from around the world.