This paper is a continuation of another paper of mine - 'Beautiful, Smart Bodies'. In that paper I referred to the wisdom of bodies and suggested the idea that the accumulation of over-weight by the body might be something of function, something positive that our bodies do.

Let us suppose, for example, that the function of over-weight in some cases could be self-defense - defending us against being approached by others, against having to deal with sexuality, etc.

The need to defend ourselves arose due to fear – fear of being rejected, fear of criticism, and the like.

The body experiences what we call 'over-weight' as an armor – a shield around our bodies. Over-weight makes us 'bigger', and therefore more frightening and less frightened. If the body is afraid, if we are subconsciously afraid, an armor is a good thing to have; a shield could make us feel better.

Therefore, with some of us, when something appears to be dangerous or frightening, our subconscious would tend not to take any chances, and would rather accumulate over-weight.

Thus, for example: Most of us grew under critical parents. (Most of us still do). Subconsciously we might believe that over-weight can shield us from such criticism. Supposedly, with the proper armor, those poisonous arrows won't go that deep.

Likewise: Most of us are afraid of sexuality, of being approached by others or approaching other ourselves (brrrr…). A heavy shield might be very useful in such cases. It keeps people further away from us (in the most physical, literal way). Some might even never approach us, as they don't find us attractive enough, and thus we've saved ourselves some more problems. In the case of approaching someone else, taking the risk of rejection, it is like in the above-mention example concerning criticism – supposedly with a proper armor the arrows won't go in so deep.

Self torturing (i.e., starvation and unpleasant physical exercises) doesn't help us loosing weight as it only increases our anxiety. (unlike eating or exercising with pleasure, and doing things we enjoy doing.) It makes us fear we might loose love, that there is something wrong about us, that things are not OK, when in fact – maybe it isn't so?

This major attack we are leading against ourselves – telling ourselves that we are too fat, that we don't look good, that we shouldn't eat, etc. just puts our bodies in a state of war (of one against oneself). Some parts of our selves are in war with other parts of our selves. The subconscious parts are afraid as they are being attacked by the conscious parts, as they want the body to look in different way than it does.

As long as we are in war against ourselves loosing weight will always be difficult, as we are afraid (of our own selves), and therefore would tend to thicken the armor, to gain more weight.

The only way out of such a state is to change our ways.
Just like with kids, just like with all sentient being – the better way is always the good way.

If we want to loose weight we have first of all to stop fighting and start meeting each other in terms of mutual respect. We have to acknowledge the gains that being fat brings to us, and then checking out whether we are willing to give up those profits.

It is not at all necessary that we do – otherwise it is not at all negotiation but blackmail, terrorizing one self, etc.

Very often we will find out that the subconscious part that was taking care of the gains never got to be acknowledged. It would sometimes take a long, patient negotiating until we agree to loose weight not in order to look better in the eyes of others, in order to stop the torture, but in order to be good to ourselves.
Only if all the parts of us were willing to give up their gains; only in terms of full peace will we be able to encourage, support, and help ourselves to the goal of loosing weight.

Still, if there is no happiness on the way, if we are not enjoying ourselves, if the way is not pleasant, it means that we have not been true with ourselves, that we are still mortifying ourselves, that we are still in war with ourselves, and therefore not on the right way, not on the only way to bring real, long-lasting results. As only in a state of peace with ourselves, only when there is nothing to be afraid of (as we will be there to back up for ourselves) would we be willing to lay down this (over-weight) armor.

Author's Bio: 

* Michelle Ron, B.A. in psychology, instructor in the Grinberg method (2nd level), leads support-groups dealing with over-weight, and instructs private session according to the Grinberg Method, concerning physical, mental, emotional, and behavior issues. For further information: