Shocking Admission That Greed Is Good

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© Copyright Arthur Levine 2007
Words 731
Keywords: Greed, Wealth, Guiltless, Prophet, Guru, Do Good

Johnny Oops flies to Los Angeles to give a speech at the Band Shell before a sell out crowd on one of the principals of his religion’s beliefs. This is one of the major tenants of The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism Religion. It makes his wealthy followers feel guiltless about being greedy and encourages them to give generously to Johnny’s Greed Machine.

My friends and followers, I know what you are thinking; You think that The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism Religion says its okay to be greedy to get people to feel better and join the religion, but nothing could be farther from the truth. The truth is that true greed is a virtue, and the right kind of greed heals. You do want to be healthy and healed, don’t you? No, I am not talking about well heeled my friends; I am talking about the kind of healing that comes from following the principals of The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism.

There are many kinds of greed. The greed that comes from pure selfishness is no good, but if you are talking about the kind of greed that comes from a desire to help people, then that’s okay. Of course in order to help people you first have to help yourself so that you will have the strength and the power to heal others. Please understand that greed is only natural. It comes from a desire to do good. You need to be wealthy and powerful to do this kind of good for other people, and to get wealthy you have to be greedy. Do you understand? Greed begets wealth, which begets the power to do good.

Sometimes we walk a fine line between selfish greed and The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism form of selfless greed. In order to know which is which it is necessary for you to give ten percent of all the wealth you have, and will in the future acquire to The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism as a way to purify your imperfect soul, which has been rendered rotten by too much of the wrong kind of greed. You do not have to grasp all that I am saying right now. All you have to do to be saved from your greedy rotten self is to give now and give generously to The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism. You can be reborn in a new virtue of greed.

Remember our slogan, ‘Greed Pays’. Volunteer members of the ‘Greed Pays” branch of The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism Religion will be passing Greed Pays Baskets from row to row. And don’t forget to join hands with the person next to you and grasp them in their essential parts. Then give generously. Think of it as buying a long-term option on getting into Heaven Maybe with the grace of God it will be deemed a charitable contribution. If you’re greedy and grasp others in their essential parts you almost can’t lose. This is a winning combination: giving generously on the one hand, and grabbing everything you can get with the other hand. It is essential to understand this if you want to become a true member of The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism Religion, and a member of my flock. Believe me for I am the messenger and I have the ‘word’.

As the audience rose with thunderous applause to give and to grab, Agents of the IRS were watching. They had added almost fifty field agents to the case. Yes Johnny had a case number now at the IRS. If that organization has its way no one would get a charitable deduction from anything they gave to Johnny. To make matters worse, Johnny’s new girlfriend is really an undercover agent for the IRS. Trouble is coming, and it isn’t on the wings of an angel. but Johnny can’t see it. All he sees is that he is getting bigger and bigger, almost bigger than real life. Now everyone knows he is a guru, can sanctification as a prophet be far behind?
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