PHILOSOPHY OF SELF-ACTUALIZATION AND FREEDOM FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN IN RELATIONSHIP PATHOLOGIES

Marvin L. Speciner, BA, RCP
Owner / Moderator
Livingwithanalcoholic e-group, Yahoo Groups

“The present is the future as long as there is no movement to changethings in the here and now. Feeling bad in the present about asituation that you are not working on changing can only lead to yourfeeling bad in the future as well. Emotional attachments to sourcesof pain in the present lead to pain in the future. What isnecessary in order to make progress and become happier in your life is to recognize this and work on changing the circumstances that are causing you pain in the hear and now.

Emotional attachment, despite the pain that may be associated withit, enables one to hold on to bad relationships with the hope that theymight change for the better. Hope in the face of ongoing pain insuch relationships allows the emotional attachment to continueand thereby allows the pain to continue. Freedom from emotionalpain in relationships that are causing it is impossible.

It is in your best interest to realize that hope is the ultimateemotional gamble. If you are not happy because of what is happeningin a relationship in the hear and now, hoping that it will change inthe future is very risky business. If you are trying to manipulatethe odds that circumstances will change by trying to help yourpartner change his/her ways and see the light, realize that it's like trying to stack the deck in your favor so that you can win emotionally. The problem is that you will never win like this. You will only continue to loose because your efforts at effecting change are directed in the wrong area.

Change can only be effected by you in yourself and no one else. Youcannot effect change in anyone else no matter what you do say orbargain for unless they themselves choose to change. You are theonly one who can choose to change your life for yourself. Once this is realized you become accountable for your own happiness; then all of your actions can become directed to the fulfillment of your own needs and desires. Thus your happiness becomes firmly placed in your own hands where it is meant to be.”

Livingwithanalcoholic e-group is a support group for people with relationship problems associated with alcohol abuse. It was founded May 3, 2000 by Marvin L. Speciner. The rationale for starting this group was to enable people, worldwide, who are or have been affected by alcoholic relationships to have a place to come and relate to one an other and offer and seek help in dealing with the problems they are experiencing in living with an alcoholic partner. Since it’s inceptions the membership has grown geometrically primarily by word of mouth referral. We currently have over 538 members and an archive of over 6058 posts from people all over the world who come to the group for help, and to offer support. There is currently no fee for this service. Members are free go come and go as they will, however people have a tendency to stay and participate and offer what they can to others who are in need of help. The philosophy that giving is receiving is strongly in play here. This grass roots effort has proved that there is a power in numbers when directed in a concerted effort to address the significant problem of alcoholism in the 21st century. No longer does an individual need to feel isolated and alone in dealing with an alcoholic partner.

What makes Livingwithanalcoholic e-group the number one group in its category on Yahoo groups (Health & Wellness > Support > Addiction and Recovery > Alcohol > Al-Anon and Alateen) is that it is working to help people change their lives for the better. This is in fact happing on a daily basis. Through the strength gained by participation in the group people have gained the courage and fortitude to change their lives and live in a self-actualized way. The end result is that we are making a significant impact on the lives of partners of alcoholics worldwide in a positive way.

Here a few examples of what members say about Livingwithanalcoholic e-group:

Marvin,

First let me thank you for starting this wonderful list. I don't know what I would have done without it and without people like you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

God Bless,
Jill

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Subject: YOU'RE AWESOME PEOPLE!

Greetings Friends!

I have just been catching up on all the posts I hadn't had time to read in the past 2 months. My emotions have run the gamut reading about the things we all are going through and the wonderful support this group has afforded me.

Each one of you has helped me realize I'm not the only one riding the rollercoaster of alcoholism and it's effects. You've helped me take back the reins of control for my own life and happiness. I just wanted to take a minute to show my sincere appreciation for All your help and continued support. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

God Bless You All, Gloria

Marvin L. Speciner, BA, RCP, the founder of Livingwithanalcoholic e-group, is a health care professional with over 30 years of experience in the field of Respiratory Care. He currently is employed by UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER OF SOUTHERN NEVADA and specializes in Adult Critical Care. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology from the UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, LOS ANGELES and is a Nevada State Licensed Practitioner Of Respiratory Care. To contact him write to Marvin Speciner at: clsmls@excite.com

Livingwithanalcoholic e-group would like to extend a cordial invitation to all that may have a need for the services that we provide. Come join us at:http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/livingwithanalcoholic/

Author's Bio: 

Marvin L. Speciner, BA, RCP, the founder of Livingwithanalcoholic e-group, is a health care professional with over 30 years of experience in the field of Respiratory Care. He currently is employed by UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER OF SOUTHERN NEVADA and specializes in Adult Critical Care. He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology from the UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, LOS ANGELES and is a Nevada State Licensed Practitioner Of Respiratory Care. To contact him write to Marvin Speciner at: clsmls@excite.com