Part Three in the “Coming Into Your Own” Series

Sometimes in life we are given circumstances and conditions that are unwelcome and unfair. Going through particularly hard times can make us bitter and can cause us to feel victimized. However, there are no accidents without value. What this means is no matter what happens to us, we can find value in the event.

There’s no question it is difficult to find the meaning or value in an uncomfortable situation as you are encountering it, but when you step back and look at the outcome it produces, you can almost always find some measure of value.

Anne Maybus shares her story that perfectly illustrates the point to always look for the value and the opportunity for personal growth and the chance to come into your own even when you are facing difficult times.

There was a lump where there wasn’t before. There was a lump where there should not have been a lump. Why would I have a lump? Why would I have a lump?

It is funny how our perspectives change when the possibility of serious illness or death lands right on us.

What about my children? Who will take care of them? I can’t expect my husband to cope with the onset of my daughter’s adolescence – he has the boys to manage on that one. What about meals? Who will feed them? Iron their shirts? Get them ready for High School? Who will look after my Mother? Why am I bothering to write this email? Why am I struggling to build this little business? I had better sort the house out in case something happens.

Something serious like this really changes our values. What was important before is suddenly important no longer. What was nuisance value is suddenly the centre of our lives.

Luckily for me all was well, but I learnt so much during that time of incredible stress. Things that I thought I couldn’t justify before were now quite the right thing to do. As mothers we often put our own needs aside because we see everyone else as needing priority. That is why it is we who have holes in our shoes though the kids have 2 pairs of everything. That is why we give the family the best bits of chicken and eat what is left.

Guess what, though? We have got it the wrong way around! We already know how I saw myself when I thought I was not going to be around long. If that is the case, then how about we rate ourselves equally with everyone else? My children need a mother, but not a broken down one. They need a really involved one. I truly know, now, that I am central to the lives of my family. For their sake as much as mine I need to be equal with them, and entitled to my share of things. I think it is important to show them that I see myself as important too. It gives the family a much better balance, and lets everyone know so much more of the whole me.

I have come into my own now. I know what is important to me (yes, even the laundry) and I believe that I am worth the value that my children have placed on me. I know that I need to be strong for my children, but more so for myself. I feel powerful. I feel capable. I feel loved. I am where I belong.

Next: “Coming Into Your Own” series continues

Author's Bio: 

Alex Blackwell is the author of The Next 45 Years - a website dedicated to sharing and creating happiness, life balance and success for the rest of our lives. To read more inspirational stories and articles, please visit: