For those of you who have become familiar with my written or spoken words, you’ll often notice me signing off with the phrase “From My Heart To Yours”. This is something I adopted a few years ago, when I came to realization that what comes from the heart, goes to the heart – and that is how I intend my communications to be; from heart to heart. On the surface this may all sound easy and good, or even a little “wishy-washy”, but recently I became acutely aware of just how important this heart connection truly is.

I have a very dear friend who is always getting himself into hot water with “little white lies”. Most of the untruths are just that, small lies, misleadings and omissions of truth. But it’s the constant succession of these, which has over time eroded his credibility, cost him his closest relationships and most pointedly, made it impossible for him to believe anyone else.

My friend, who I’ll call “Marvin” is on the surface, an honest sort of guy. He doesn’t cheat on his income tax, lie to customs officers about out of country purchases, or engage in any shady business practices. So what’s up with the lying?

After the recent dissolution of his latest relationship; with a woman whom he deeply cared for, I sat down with Marvin to see if we could figure out what was going on. He fidgeted and whined and justified every single one of his "stories” claiming to be wronged and misunderstood. When we examined one incident in particular, a relatively small deception, I found myself saying, “…. but if you had only spoken from the heart!”. And there it was, in the bold clear light of day; the root of all the dishonesty and the simple path to change.

When someone speaks to you from the heart, you can feel it in their every word. Their thoughts are clear and focused, their voice is grounded, and there are none of those odd little ticks or tells that we all get when we are lying. A voice from the heart moves us and inspires us, no matter what is being said. It drops deep into our soul, and leaves us with a sense of peace and ease.

Speaking from the heart may sound easy, but most of us have had our hearts broken once or twice. This makes the proposition of opening them up to send and receive, a dark and scary one. Somewhere in the back of our brains, we are all still wired for “fight or flight” and “survival of the fittest”. With very few real physical dangers in our society, survival has become of a social nature as opposed to an animal one. Being unloved, unwanted or unaccepted is tantamount to death. It’s the death of our spirit, a threat to our soul – or at least it feels like it is. So when that safety is threatened, we will do whatever is needed to protect it, and for most of us a little white lie seems a small price to pay for the terrific reward of the approval or a friend, or the affections of the one we love.

But if what comes from the heart, goes to the heart, then what comes from a place of fear and insecurity, goes straight to the same place in our friends, our families, our co-workers and our partners. We’ve all experienced that sensation when the words were all right, but the feeling was just wrong. Someone has said something to you that should have left you feeling comforted and soothed, and instead you were left feeling doubtful and worried.

When we speak from our hearts, we never have to “remember what we said”; our words will ring as true for us tomorrow as they did today. So what stops us? For most of us it’s the vulnerability, and subsequent courage, required in doing so. Speaking our truth may be reciprocated or even unpopular. We run the risk of that all feared rejection. If it’s only a “story” that is rejected or laughed at, our egos may be bruised, but our hearts remain safe – undamaged and protected….. or at least so we think. Huddled alone in the dark, never truly known, loved or accepted for who you really are, somehow never ends up feeling safe. And so next time we tell a bigger lie to make sure that they’ll love us even more, and so the cycle perpetuates.

Our deepest most profound connections in life are with those we can just be ourselves with. Every once in a while, there is a rare crazy person who loves us for who we are - someone who has seen the good and the bad, knows our deep, dark secrets, and loves us anyway. Oddly, that person is seldom ourselves.

My challenge to you this week, and to my dear friend Marvin, is to find some more love for yourself. Catch yourself when you go to utter a little white lie – even in your own head. Tell the truth to yourself about who you are, what you like, where you’ve been and what you’ve done – and love yourself anyway, then watch your world change.

Our thoughts and our words are food for our souls, and we need to stop feeding them junk! A connection of hearts fulfills us, sustains us and lights up our world. It nourishes that deep place inside that’s longing for love and acceptance. This week, this month or this year, see if you can let go of the need to be right, and embrace the desire to be loved. As I challenge my own white lies, I’ll be thinking of each one of you, who has bravely let me into your heart, if only for a moment. So with an open heart I say thank you, and offer you these words to you…..

From My Heart To Yours, Hunter

Author's Bio: 

Hunter Phoenix is a Life Coach and Personal Image Consultant specializing in Spirit Centered Coaching, Career Development and Personal Life Balance.
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