You are probably aware of the many difficult people in your life. From your stubborn boss, procrastinating coworker, angry child, intrusive step-parents, or hurtful spouse, these individuals can ruin your sanity. They make you miserable.

If you have a difficult person in your life, you may think he or she is impossible to deal with, but the person is not an impenetrable rock. It's human! And humans follow laws of psychology and behavior you can benefit from.

This article will provide you with judo-like principles to convert seemingly impossible forces of a difficult person into tips to effectively deal with them. A person that once appeared stubborn can suddenly behave how you want. Unfortunately, people disobey this advice when communicating with difficult people.

I am about to share with you four mistakes you must avoid to deal with a difficult person. Too often people use these tips to change a difficult person, but matters only get worse. Adhere to these tips, otherwise you could be making people more difficult:

1. Sending solutions. Common phrases that indicate solving include: "What if you..." "Stop doing... and start.." and "Why don't you..."

Telling people what to do does not work. Solutions are so often the problem. You cannot tell people what they must do because they will have no commitment to change. The more you push solutions on people, the more they pull away from you and your suggestion. Real solutions, commitment, and desire for change come from participation.

2. Moralizing. Common phrases that indicate moralizing include: "You should...." "It would be good for you to..." and "Stop doing wrong..." Moralizing is similar to sending solutions because it suggests what the person should be doing. Moralizing uses what is right and wrong, good and bad, black and white to further your logic. Manipulation from guilt and other emotions that arise from moral words do not change difficult people - yet alone anyone.

3. Complaints. "I wish Bill wasn't so damn annoying." Bickering is mental masturbation. Creation comes from being proactive.

If you complain, you are the difficult person. You become no better than the person you try to change through your complaints. Do not reciprocate someone's difficulties. It is your responsibility to treat people with respect.

4. Criticism. People criticize to build change. "I'm results-focused. I criticize people to get things done." Similar lines of thinking drive the 12 communication barriers (criticism, labeling, diagnosing, praise, orders, threats, questions, moralizing, advice, reason, reassurance, and deflecting).

Avoid criticism because it is not charismatic persuasion. Criticism intensifies conflict. Criticized individuals feel diminished, unworthy, and less important.

Learn to listen to the difficult person and let them express their point of view. It will help you understand more about why they are difficult and this tip alone can be enough to deal with the person.

Follow the above tips to deal with difficult people and be sure to avoid the top four mistakes, and the next time you face a stubborn employee, angry child, or cold-hearted individual, you can keep your sanity in tact and even change the person.

Author's Bio: 

Joshua Uebergang is a world-leading people skills coach. He has written for you a free guide available for download right now called "Principles and Tips to Deal With Difficult People" openly available on his site. Simply visit to grab your guide, along with a lot of other communication skills advice, for free.