Eggnog and glitter, champagne and faux fur. Parties scheduled for every Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Ice sickles, satin ribbons, candles, and black leather take on new possibilities in your deviant little mind. Mistletoe seems like the best invention Mother Nature ever came up with.

Yes indeed – the holidays are here!

Unfortunately, along with the festive fun comes an overwhelming sense of obligation and stress. Everyone feels stretched thin, like they should be having a good time even if they aren’t. Along with possibly elusive expectations of fun and joy comes the feeling that you and your lover should be having some incredibly hot sex. After all, it’s Christmas/Hanukkah/Yule/New Year’s Eve/whatever and who wouldn’t like to both give and receive the gift of sexual pleasure?

Here’s a free tip from the Wanton Hussy: if sex feels like an obligation, just one more item to check off of your holiday To Do List, it’s not going to be a very good gift.

So here are a few things you can do to fix this situation:

1) Keep it playful; keep it fun. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, whether it’s an hour and a half of lovemaking by the fire or fifteen minutes in the coatroom at the office holiday party. Remember to laugh or at least smile, and if you feel obligated, don’t do it. (Note: I’m not saying you shouldn’t make an honest effort to get in the mood if your lover is, but be sincere – if you’re really not into sex at the moment, give your sweetie a helping hand and promise to try again later.)

2) If your partner is stressed out, do what you can to help: give him or her a massage after a long day, offer to do errands if you can, do some of their household chores. Grab take-out so neither of you has to cook. Get their favorite movie from Netflix. Make them a cup of cocoa. Love is in the details. Holidays are very stressful and nobody’s going to get any good loving if your man jumps out of bed right after you’ve removed his boxer shorts because he’s just remembered he needs to make a note to pick up the dry cleaning for tomorrow night’s event.

3) If you’re the one who is stressed out, make an effort to not take out your tension on your partner. It’s not their fault that you’re crazy right now, so be sure to thank your sweetie for whatever effort they’re making. Also, don’t forget to ask for help - no fair getting angry if you just assumed your partner knew something but you didn’t actually verbalize it. Make some time to pamper yourself and do your best to plan ahead so you can relax. Take hot baths. Add some liquor to that evening cup of cocoa. Indulge.

Remember that the holidays are a time to enjoy each other’s company and to celebrate light, warmth, and love. Sex can be wild and fun or romantic and tender, but make sure there is an element of joy in it all. Try not to put too much weight on making sure you get laid on a specific night. Laugh. Play.

And give each other some sexy, kinky toys for the holiday – nothing says “I love you and I think you’re hot” like breaking in a new set of wrist-cuffs beside the Christmas tree!

Author's Bio: 

Julianne Bentley, the original Wanton Hussy, works with individuals (and couples) who want to bring the passion and joy back into their bedrooms.

Drawing on over fifteen years of experience discussing the ins and outs of sexuality, in all its forms, Julianne brings compassion and energy to the process of supporting you in making the changes you need in order to have the sex life you want and deserve.