“You can’t give love to someone else without knowing how to give yourself love first.”

~Tristan Loo

According to humanistic psychology, human beings have an inner need and desire to give and receive high quality love. Love is the glue that holds together human society and without it our lives have little meaning or purpose. In fact, our need to give high quality love to others drives us towards behaviors that would otherwise be considered insane, such as mother rushing into a raging fire to save her child or a father working night and day at a job he hates in order to provide sustenance for his family. Modern Western society has focused quite a bit of attention on how to attract, possess, and maintain love in one’s own life, but it often misses the main secret of attracting love—that if you give love unconditionally from the heart, you will get love back in abundance from the unlimited supply the universe holds.

What is Unconditional Love?

Before we define what unconditional love is, we should first clarify what love means in the context of this article. Genuine love for another person simply means the continual desire and the act of increasing the level of happiness in another person’s life. It’s important that we understand exactly what unconditional love is so that we can know exactly how to express it completely to ourselves and towards others, as well as fully appreciating it when it is offered to us by others. Unconditional love is the ability to accept, respect, and care for yourself and others without any conditions, limitations or reservations attached to that love. Unconditional love is the practice of giving of love to others without demanding that they perform behaviors that you desire. This kind of love is best portrayed by the love between a mother and her child. Unconditional love has little to do with romance, friendships or relationships and more to do with an abundance of love for yourself which flows out from your body and attracts good things and people into your life like a magnet.

When describing unconditional love towards yourself, it means the pure acceptance of everything that is you, including all your flaws and weaknesses. Really this is the basis of unconditional love because love in its true form cannot be shared or given to someone else until you love and accept yourself first. There are no boundaries or limits on love that is unconditional. You are not trying to control the actions or behaviors of the other person, nor do you impose conditions on your love by restricting that love if they behave or don’t behave a certain way. Unconditional love is the ability to want what’s best for others in their pursuit of universal happiness, irregardless of your own opinions and biases of them or their behavior. Unconditional love is an overflow of positive energy that comes from the complete love that you have for yourself so no matter what the other person’s says or does; it will not affect your level of happiness.

The Benefits of Unconditional Love

The practice of giving unconditional love requires by its very nature that you don’t expect anything directly in return for giving it to others. By providing unconditional love to others, you are expressing your faith that good things will be drawn into your life through the law of attraction. Here are some benefits of giving unconditional love:

The act of giving unconditional love to others eliminates the fear of anger and reprisal from other people for any behavior you do. It also facilitates open and honest relationships with other people.

In a more spiritual sense, sharing your love unconditionally with the world sends out positive energy which will be returned to you in one form or another to create great abundance, wealth, and goodness that you deserve in your own life.

When you provide unconditional love to others, you are not dependant on others for happiness, but rather you derive your happiness from within. Your energy radiates to those around you and the world gives back to you in abundance.

When you give love unconditionally, then you can’t be ever angry at anyone. All human minds need congruency of thought and it’s simply impossible to hate another person if you have made the conscious decision that you are going to love them unconditionally.

By giving unconditional love to others, you side-step any tricks, emotional ploys, and unfair negotiating tactics because you have consciously choses to take responsibility for giving them love from own heart despite the behaviors that they exhibit.

Happiness Comes from Within

Those people who try to find their love and happiness in the possessions, places or people they have in their life are destined to be miserable in life because they fail to understand that true happiness can only be found within themselves. Everlasting joy, happiness and love all come from falling in love with yourself. The people, places and things that you attract into your life that make you happy only serve to enhance the love that you already have for yourself. They can never replace that inner love. If you want to practice giving unconditional love, then the first person you must show true love to first is yourself. Love yourself for the person that you are, which includes all your flaws as well as your strengths.

How to Practice Giving Unconditional Love

To practice unconditional love is simple, yet you must make a conscious decision to act on accordingly. You must first make the conscious decision that no matter what the other person thinks, says or does, you are going to provide them with the same amount of love that you would if they treated you like royalty. More importantly, you make the firm commitment that you are going to provide them with unconditional love freely and without harboring any negative intentions.

Unconditionally love yourself first. The first person that you need to show unconditional love to first is yourself. After all, you are married to yourself for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. Learn to love everything about you because even your flaws make you unique and special. Once you fall in love with yourself, then the world opens up in abundance to your life.

Don’t use “if-then” clauses with your love. The use of “if-then” clauses makes the love conditional, even if you only say it inside your own mind. For example, “If you treat me well, then I will show you affection.” Unconditional love exists without any “if-then” statements.

Write what you love about yourself. In your journal or on a piece of paper, write 15 qualities that you love about yourself. This will help you visualize and memorize all the great qualities that you possess. After you finish writing those qualities down, repeat them out loud to yourself

Unconditional love is not automatic. Always remember that unconditional love is something that you must decide to give, not something that is automatically given. It requires practice to give love to those that you don’t like and to accept everyone for who they are, regardless of your opinions about them.

Don’t give love with expectation in mind. If you expect something back in return for your love, then that makes the love you give conditional in nature. Instead, have the faith to believe that what you put out there in the world will eventually come back to you, but don’t expect it at that very moment to be returned.

Repeat it in your mind. If you get upset at yourself or another person, then immediately begin to say over and over in your mind, “I love [Person] unconditionally, no matter what they say or do.” Your mind cannot hate a person and love them at the same time because it is not congruent thinking, so it immediately removes much of the anger and hatred that builds inside of you if you repeat statements of love in your mind.

Write it down. If any negative thoughts enter your mind about yourself or another person in your life, then destroy those thoughts with the power of writing. In your journal or on a piece of paper, write 15 things that you love about the other person and after you are done, repeat it out loud. This cancels out your negative thoughts of the person and it sows the seeds of unconditional love for that person in your subconscious mind.


When you fall in love with yourself, you give yourself the ultimate power to pick up the pen and begin to write your own book rather than having other people write it for you. You are able to tap into the unlimited potential that is within you. It’s like a spark that ignites your heart and that passion spreads to your mind and your body. Everything in life becomes crystal clear. When you fall in love with yourself, the world opens up to you in abundance.

© Copyright 2006 by Tristan Loo. All rights reserved.

Author's Bio: 

For over 10 years, Tristan Loo has inspired, motivated, and brought success to the lives of the countless people he’s touched. Successful in his own right, Tristan has competed athletically against Olympians as a world-class gymnast, saved lives as a police officer, authored numerous Personal Development and Interpersonal Communication books and articles, and is a highly sought-after Peak Performance Coach. Tristan is the founder of the Synergy Institute, a San Diego based Personal Development Firm. His philosophy of passionate living and helping others fulfill their dreams and goals has continually been the driving force that has placed him well above the industry standard. Visit Tristan's website at http://www.synergyinstituteonline.com or by email at