“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges”. --First time when I read this adage all that stuck my mind was RELATIONSHIPS.

The fundamental format and elementary essential of this humanity is RELATIONSHIP. Bond, closeness, intimacy, attachment, care, fondness, affection are intense adjectives for a relationship. Mother, father, friend, son, daughter, spouse, sister, brother, colleague, teacher, student, disciple, neighbor, aunt, uncle, mentor …….. we live defining so many relations around us.
“You reap as you sow, you are what you think” - Neither can you experience the other person physically nor think like the other person mentally. All others in your mind are just the thoughts that you sow yourself. You implant thoughts against them, impression grows. You nurture that impression relationship develops. You care and cherish that relationship, it becomes a matured bonding.

Your experience for them is only in your mind. Your feelings for them is your thoughts. Your emotion towards them is your notion. But still, amazingly people gel around so intensely that studying their social intelligence becomes a passion. But equally true is also the other face of it where relationships grow numb & sour, deteriorates and diminishes completely to be a lifeless facet one day. There are ample aspects of a relationship that makes or breaks it. If we can take care from breaking, then the bond is naturally made. Lets look at the most evident ones:

1) Respect: Respect in any relationship is just like ‘Give and take policy’, we seldom expect ourselves to give it before we demand it in return. Self- respect guides our morals and respect for others guides our manners.

2) Communication: Communication is the first reflection of a personality. Our views, principles, virtues & values, concepts & convictions, intelligence & flexibility all gets disclosed involuntarily. Balancing all this on the other side is our ATTITUDE. As pen is mightier than sword, equally is the tongue sharper than a blade.
Sticks and stones are hard on bones
Aimed with angry art,
Words can similarly sting
But silence breaks the heart.
Beware of your language and dialects as it can make a relationship pleasant else can turn to be toxic.

3) Misunderstanding: I wonder we don’t have time to understand others, and there are people around to misunderstand with misinterpretations and building assumptions upon presumptions. The major mistake that overshoots is ‘judging’. We either over-estimate or under-estimate and we ourselves come to conclusions judging others. That judgment is just the final, and we don’t even realize a room that judgments can also be fatal. And there sprouts the seed of misunderstanding in relationships.

4) Ego & Perception: Ego is the deeply felt sense of being separate and superior. The very essence of ego not only separates you from others, it burns the place of its own stay. Perception is just an insight that grows adding your attitude and ego.
There are people you enter into a room and say “There you are” and some say “Here I am”. It’s all about the interim gap we give in a relationship to grow.

5) Confidential matters: Confidential & Intimacy are the two faces of the same coin. You share your personal feelings, concealed secrets, unveiled emotions only with people whom you feel intimate with. That intimacy comes with masked face of trust in a relationship. If this hidden reserve gets into air, the relationship shatters.

6) Possessiveness: Relationships of all kinds are like water held in your hand. Just hold it with an open hand, water remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, it trickles through your fingers. You may hold on some drops, but most will be spilled. A relationship is just like that. Embrace it freely, with respect and freedom for the other person it is likely to remain intact. But grasp it with rigidity, too possessively the relationship slips away and is lost.

7) Materialistic and Self-centered: Majority of the relationships dawns looking the advantages in it. The prospects seem to be promising. The matter starts with “What is my gain in this investment!”, explodes too shortly resulting in disintegration.

8) Domination: The main pollutants of an affiliation are intimidation followed by domination pursuing a manipulation. Just replace with speck of affection & co-operation and all sets itself to be right ensuing in an unconditional flow of warmth and care.

9) High Expectations: Expectations improperly indulged would end in disappointment. The level of expectation is either high or low fosters an individual definition. Disappointment often leads to discontent and regret. If this setback inadvertently grows in a relationship there is no edge left where you cannot see cracks and clinks.

10) No bestows: Many relationships deteriorate when there is no bestowing approach. Your time& energy nourishes a relationship to be long lasting once when it is established. Nurture it with concern and attention and it appeals the other person. No time, impassive behavior, being snobbish mirrors the relation very soon. It diminishes silently with no notice.

The only thing that exists with you and dies with you is your RELATIONSHIP with life and lives around you. Your acquaintance with others speaks volumes of memories and reminiscences of your existence. That existence becomes eternal only when you would have taken enough care of it.

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Pratima Jagadeesh BE, MBA, PhD.