If you are looking for a way and the strategies to save, rehabilitate or enhance your most important love relationship, this is the message you have been waiting for.

Let's cut to the chase. I know you want quick answers and I will give them to you. No messing around. No ifs, ands and buts.

How would you like to dig out, extricate and eliminate arguments from your most significant love relationship? That's one of the questions that you need to ask yourself. You are the creator and molder of your life; especially your love life. Think of yourself as an artist who can reshape what you have built up to this point in your life. Marriage and relationships are like clay structures. They can be reshaped, remolded and rebuilt or they can be discarded altogether.

Firmly fixed in your mind that you are going to take arguing, fighting and negativity out of your conversations with your most significant other. The first step is for you to accept the dictum that you can be easily seduced, tempted into a negative anxiety provoking escalating conversation. Oh no! Not you. You see yourself as a calm reasonable person and it is always somebody else's fault that you get triggered into a hot, flaming conversation. Do you want to be an arsonist or a firefighter?

Any time you or your partner introduce negativity into your dialog and conversations you have walked into a burning pit of fire. Make that choice right now to remain constantly vigilant for any hot spots in your conversations with others. Rehearse in your mind how you are going to handle the surprise attacks and verbal flamethrowers that others drop in your presence. You would not deliberately walk into a forest fire or a burning building unless you wanted to save someone's life. So, if you're going to be hero, try being a magnificent listener who remains calm and attentive. A little understanding and compassion goes a long way. Walk the extra mile to find out what your most important other person is really feeling and thinking about a given situation. Remember you are looking to establish common ground and mutually agreeable solutions. You are either going to be an effective negotiator or a troublemaker. Take responsibility for what choices you make.

Start initiating a mental framework of positive psychological communication. Ask yourself what constitutes a loving positive conversation. Put yourself inside the skin and the feelings of the other person. Try seeing it from their point of view. There's enough hate in the world and you certainly don't have to add more hate with your big mouth, negative thinking and degrading conversations. You can either destroy or build. Choose to raise up rather than deflate another person with what comes out of your mouth. Encouragement goes a long way to building a loving world for yourself.

What is it that you focus on? You are what you focus on. If you focus and become obsessed with the negative, you become the negative. If you espouse positive conversation, you enhance the atmosphere with love.

So what am I suggesting? Try practicing positive thinking speech. Oh I know it's not easy. After all, you may think you're blameless. But, without you there can be no participation in a negative interaction. Pour out more loving speech and you create more loving relationships. Build, encourage, lift up rather than deflate with your negative criticisms. This also applies to how you treat yourself. If you don't work on yourself, you miss the greatest opportunity for building a truly great loving person. There is enough hate filled people in the world. Choose not to become one of them. Choose to be a love filled person. Fill yourself with love and hate will disappear from your dialogues. Make sure your conversation is not provocative or accusatory. If you don't believe me, look all around you for examples of people who use negative, provocative and accusatory language. Notice how they make you feel. Do you want to be like them? So, make that decision to change now. It is always good to compare yourself with somebody from whom you wish to be different. Don't compare yourself in order to put yourself down or diminish your worth. Compare yourself to those people where the outcome produces a more loving positive, non-argumentative you.

I would also recommend that in your loving positive conversations that you practice supportive requests rather than demands or ultimatums. Negative conversations and comments will certainly get you some attention. But, is it that kind of attention that you really want? You can't always be seen in a positive light, especially in the minds of negative thinking people. Loving minded people will see you as loving. The haters are just going to have to live in their own negative violent thinking. You don't want to be one of them.

There is a thought that I want to share with you. It is biblical. It reminds us to be kind to strangers. Why? The answer is informative. "Remember you were once a stranger in a strange land." In many ways those who are the closest to you can become like strangers. Your most significant other was once a stranger and you welcomed that person into your world. You were once a stranger in another person's world. They welcomed you in to their universe. If you perceive something as a threat, then it becomes a threat. But you chose the perception. One of the nice things about growing older is that you can become wiser. Make sure that you learn how to hone the critical skill of wisdom accumulation and judgment. You will not be the same person at the age of 70 that you were at 30.


This message is intended to add value and worth to your very being. Proceed from here and began infusing value and worth in others especially those closest to you. When you devalue someone in your life, you are devaluing your life and your self.


Author's Bio: 

Paul J. Hannig, PH.D. is a licensed California Marriage and Family Therapist offering innovative and in-depth individual and group therapy. His expertise includes Deep Feeling Therapy, core identity work, psycho-spiritual therapy, hypnotherapy, marriage/relationship counseling, and his "Abstain Now" program for addictions. He is the author of "Feeling People", "Sizzling Relationships: the 401(k) of Love", and "Coping with the Disorder" along with profiles on mood and personality disorders. His office is located in Chatsworth, CA. Telephone Therapy is available as well. Visit PsychotherapyHELP ( www.nvo.com/psych_help ) for personal growth, relationship and therapy information, along with free articles to download, resources, and books and media to purchase. Watch his extraordinary video, "Deep Feeing Therapy: Healing Emotional Pain", at www.nvo.com/psych_help/feelingtherapy/. With the creation of PsychotherapyHELP, Dr. Paul brings over thirty years of his knowledge and expertise to all who search for answers to deep emotional pain and interpersonal problems.