Can I Date While Separated Before Divorce: Would Dating During My Separation Help Me Determine If I Still Love My Spouse

Regardless of who initiated the separation, both spouses can deep down wonder if there is still love between them. And even if you never wanted the separation in the first place, you can figure that the least that you can do is to use the separation as a way to gage if you still truly love your spouse. To that end, many people consider dating or seeing other people as way to give them a concrete answer to this question.

Someone might say: "I honestly never wanted to separate. I agreed with my husband that our marriage had become stale and that the feelings between us seemed to be fading, but I wanted to give it a few months to see if things would improve if we gave ourselves time to work on our marriage. My husband didn't agree with this thinking so he is staying with friends. I'm very angry that he could just walk away like this. He says that if in a couple of months we both miss another, then at that time we can think about trying to save our marriage. So it is not for certain that we are getting a divorce, but I'm still disappointed in him. And, because of this, I've been considering seeing other people during my separation. It's not that I am absolutely sure that don't love my husband anymore. It's just that this is probably a good opportunity to see how I really feel about him. I figure if I am attracted to and connect with someone else, then my marriage was just no longer meant to be. Is this a good idea?"

What I am about to give you is only my opinion. The only person who can decide what is best for your marriage is you. The only one who knows your marriage intimately is you. But, having gone through a separation myself and knowing how many emotions are surging and how misunderstandings and resentments can easily take hold, I'd personally caution you against seeing other people. And there are many reasons for this, some of which I'll go over below.

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Your Feelings Will Often Be Apparent Because You Are Away From Your Spouse And Not Seeing Him Regularly: It's my experience (and this is confirmed by many people who contact me) that many people begin to miss their spouse after a short time away from them. Often, the separation at least gives you the perspective from the view point of missing your spouse, and because of this, you begin to see that perhaps you were unyielding in places where perhaps you could have given a little more. This is usually enough to clue you to the fact that perhaps your feelings for their spouse to remain. And this has happened without your putting your marriage at further risk.

Emotions Are Already High During A Separation And Seeing Other People May Only Introduce More Complicated Feelings Into An Already Volatile Situation: I think that it is fair to say that most of us have our emotions running all over the place when we are going through a separation. Most of us are at least a little bit confused, scared, vulnerable, and frustrated. This is not the ideal time to attempt to add one more complication into our lives. I would argue that any relationship that you start during your marital separation is likely doomed from the start. You are not going to be in an emotionally healthy place and you are likely not ready to start up with someone else until you come to a conclusion about your marriage. And I'm not even talking about whether it is right to see someone else while you are still married, which is a separate (but important) issue. Frankly, seeing someone else is likely to only make you more confused about your feelings.

Seeing Someone Else May End Your Marriage Before You Even Gave It A Chance: Some people secretly are hoping that seeing someone else is going to get a reaction out of their spouse. They hope to find that their spouse is jealous and therefore much more motivated to save their marriage at once. I suppose that, if it actually happened this way, perhaps the whole strategy would have been worth it.

But it so often does not happen this way. More often, your spouse finds out and they are hurt and angry. They figure that the marriage must not be that important to you and many retaliate by beginning to date other people themselves. Now suddenly you have two separated spouses dating others. What do you think is the likelihood of saving your marriage at this point?

Hopefully by now it's obvious that I don't think it's advisable to see other people when you are separated. It just complicates things. It is hard enough to save your marriage when only the two of you are involved. Why make it harder than it needs to be? And why give your marriage anything but the best chance? If you don't make it, then you are in a situation where you can see other people. But right now is not that time. Right now, your focus should be on the fact that you are still married.

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The moment when you realize that the boat is sinking and you're tying hard to keep your relationship afloat; it's about time to get rid of the unnecessary aspects that aren't helping you overboard. You need to gear yourself with all the emergency kits that you can grasp to help you handle the dilemma like how you should.

Since during this time, all of your energy is probably exhausted and you have limited amount of time to carry out processes on how to save your marriage, it is important to put your energy to only those things that are beneficial. Remember that you do not have all the energy in this world so you have to be careful with all your actions.

Here are some things that you can simply get rid off when you found out that your boat is sinking:

1. Throw away your stubborn pride. If you find yourself to be always on the position of wishing to win arguments and making sure that your partner will realize his faults, you need to realize that you are only throwing away your win-win situation for the benefit of your marriage. Talk to yourself; will you really be happy if you prove that your husband is wrong? Or is it more important that both you and your husband are able to understand each other's mistake?

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2. Do not worry about what other people would think about your marriage. This is one important aspect that you need to consider if you are thinking on how to save your marriage. No marriage is perfect so you can stop putting the stress on your partner. Admit that you will have to deal with problems from time to time; it's not important what other people have to say about your relationship. What is important is what the two of you feel towards your relationship.

3. Stop the blame game. Realizing your fault is an important answer to the question of how to save your marriage. This is one reason why a lot of marriage ends up in great sorrow, this is one thing that freezes your emotion hence you end up losing the love for one another.

4. Throw away the attitude of telling other how your husband is doing you wrong. If you wish to know how to save your marriage then you have to stop telling details about your relationship to other people since doing this will only add up more trouble to your problem. Be discrete about what the two of you are up for. However, you need to know when to draw the line. If you are already being turned into a punching bag each night then it is about time to seek help.

5. Take responsibility- this is probably the best answer to the question: "how to save your marriage". Sometimes, the change should always start to the person who is longing to see change. But keep in mind that taking responsibility do not actually mean taking the blame.

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"My husband doesn't show affection and I feel neglected." That's a sad statement, isn't it? It's even more disheartening when you're the woman saying it. Marriage isn't always an easy road to travel. When you sense that your husband isn't as emotionally committed to you as he once was, it makes the challenges of living with him that much more unbearable. If you love him and you want him to feel the same way about you again, don't give up. Divorce is not the only option in this case. There are things you can do that will make your husband not only show you affection, but they'll make him love you more than he ever has before.

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The first thing you need to do if your husband doesn't show affection the way he used to is take stock of the dynamic between you two. Do you talk as much as you used to? Is he as willing to help you around the house as he was during the early days of your marriage? Typically men will stop showing their affection for their wives because they themselves are feeling somewhat neglected. When a marriage matures, and children enter the picture, there is often a noticeable shift in the amount of attention the spouses are showing one another. If you've been pushing your time with your husband aside in favor of doing things with or for your children, he may feel hurt. Even though most men recognize that their children do come first in their wife's eyes, they need to feel valued and appreciated too. Make time for your husband again, beginning today.

You've also got to shift a bit more of the focus back onto yourself. We often put our needs on the backburner when we dive headfirst into the roles of mother and wife. If a woman doesn't put effort into loving herself, her man will lose interest too. Treat yourself to the things you love and start to focus more on what you need and want in life. It's okay to hire a sitter if you want to take some classes so you can pursue a new career. It's also great to try and get in better health by setting aside some time just for you to work out. You'll find that if you start to pamper yourself more, your husband will learn from your example and he'll do the same.

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Relationships like marriage are complicated and there are times that you think you already hit rock bottom and want to give up on him or her. But if you love the person you will realize that it is still worth saving a failing relationship and get the passion back in your marriage. This could be a difficult task but with determination and the right techniques it is not impossible to bring back the love and passion in your relationship.

Here are some tips to spice up and get the passion back in your marriage:

Try new things. If your relationship becomes a routine, this is the right time to break that routine. Doing the same things over and over again makes the relationship boring and stale. Do not be afraid to try out new things. Try to be adventurous in bed and also discover new hobbies, interest and meet new friends. Experiencing new things with your spouse will get the passion back in your marriage and will create new memories that the two of you will always cherish.

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Be expressive with your feelings to get the passion back in your marriage. Even if you've been married for years now, there is no rule or law prohibiting you to display your emotions and feelings to your spouse. Do not always assume that your spouse already know that you love him or her. You still need to express your love in words and in deeds. Say I love you, bring her flowers, cook his favorite dish, bathe together, and walk holding hands in the park. These are simple and yet heart warming expression of love that you can do to get the passion back in your marriage. Those acts and words of love is an assurance that you still love your spouse up to this moment.

Communicate and listen to each other. Sometimes couples are too busy with everyday life working, running errands and raising kids that they already forgot to talk and listen to each other. Your spouse is your partner and the other half of your heart, it is right to spend time to listen and talk to the other half of your heart. The absence of communication will tear you apart. If there are issues to be resolved, you should be open to discuss it with your spouse as early as possible than keeping it to yourself then blurt it out and pick a fight if things are getting worse. Talking and listening will give you the chance to understand each other and get the passion back in your marriage.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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