When it seems that your relationship or marriage is headed for a breakup, is there anything you can do to prevent it?

Yes, there are certainly steps you can take to turn your relationship around, rebuild trust, improve communication and create agreements that will help bring you and your partner closer together again.

However, when your partner says that he or she is ready to end your marriage or love relationship, it can be more difficult to head off a breakup.

After all, you simply cannot force another person to be in a relationship with you if he or she is ready to move on!

As painful as it might be to hear, you can't force another person to stay with you and you can't make a marriage or love relationship remain intact.

There are two of you in this and it's really got to be two of you who want to stay together.

As we offer these words, we want to emphasize that you are not helpless in your situation. Even when your partner says things that seem hurtful and final, there is still a possibility that the two of you can make a shift and end up closer than ever.

Trust can be rebuilt, connections can be renewed and love and closeness can be rekindled.

Julie cannot believe what her partner Max said to her. While the two of them have had a rough way to go lately, Julie is in disbelief that Max is ready to move out and never see her again-- even though that's what he yelled at her last night after an argument in which they both said hurtful words.

More than anything else, Julie wants to make this relationship work. Her years with Max have been among the best in her life and she can't imagine a life without him in it. Before Julie picks up the phone to try to call Max and sort out what happened the night before, she starts to wonder how she can prevent a breakup.

What can she do to make everything all right between them?

Own up to your role, but don't take it personally.
If we were coaching Julie, one thing we might remind her of is that she can't “make” everything all right in her relationship. She is not powerless either.

Julie can take some time to recognize that ways in which she contributes to distance and conflict in her relationship. And she can refuse to take personally the tendencies that Max is responsible for.

We encourage you to look at the habits that you've developed in your relationship that might contribute to the wedge between you and your partner. Focus your attention on addressing your own habits and on what you want and less on what you think your partner is to blame for.

This doesn't mean that he or she is “off the hook” and it's all your “fault.”

The point here is to place your attention on what you can change. You can be more effective at shifting your life toward what you want when this is your focus.

When Julie does call Max and they are able to sit down together, she apologizes for her part in the argument last night. She tells him how sorry she is for the words she spoke.

She also shares how hurt and afraid of losing him she was when she heard the words he said to her.

Julie tells Max that she would like to better understand what he truly wants to happen next. She does not assume that the way Max feels is necessarily all about her, but she knows that her actions and words do contribute.

The two of them decide to stay together for now. But they also agree to start looking more closely at their usual ways of interacting and make some changes.

It is a sort of balancing act in relationships.

Yes, of course, you and your partner have an effect on one another. You probably spend a lot of time together and you are important people in one another's lives-- no matter how strained things are between you.

It can seem difficult not to take it personally when your mate is upset and directs that upset at you.

This is precisely the time to take a step back and look as clearly as you can at what you are doing to make this situation more disconnecting and to ask yourself how you might improve your part in the dynamic.

Coming from a place of clarity and integrity about what you want is vital.

You might decide to set a boundary and ask that your partner take a “time out” when he or she gets so angry and takes it out on you. You two might also come to some agreements about communication and revisit your overall commitment to this relationship.

It may be time for the two of you to work with a counselor or coach to better determine what you want to do next.

What is perhaps most effective in preventing a relationship breakup is to stay tuned in to one another and deal with disconnection when you first notice it-- don't ignore tension or wait until the big blow-up to take action.

If you are at a place where the distance seems vast and your partner says he or she wants to breakup, look within yourself to know what you want to do next. Take a deep breath and allow yourself and your partner some space before making a final decision.

Author's Bio: 

Susie and Otto Collins help people create more connected, loving relationships and are the authors of a new program Stop Talking on Eggshells For a free report on how to reverse what you don’t like in your relationships, visit Relationship Reverse Report