I love my yoga practice! I love the bliss that washes over me during meditation, the practical wisdom of yogic philosophy, feeling the heat and other amazing sensations within my body during asana practice, not to mention sensual vibrations of the rising prana! My guru is the famous Yogi Amrit Desai. His esoteric, mystical lineage, going back through Swami Kripalvanandji to Lord Shiva himself, is carried by male teachers, none of whom ever had a menstruation! In addition, all the ancient yogic texts that I know of were written by males. Hmmm… What do they know about my female body, my psyche, my emotions, or my lunar cycles? Why is there such a domination of male gurus in yoga? These were the thoughts running through my head tortured by debilitating menstrual headache that made me skip the Saturday morning yoga class and Amrit Dasai’s satsang which I was so looking forward to attending. When finally, the headache was gone, the questions remained.
Few days later, after an amazing ashtanga yoga class at Adi Shakti Yoga, led by Tara Rawson, while in a deep state of relaxation during yoga nidra with no thoughts in my head, I saw an ancient yogi guru staring at me with kindness in my mind’s eye. Being the practical, selfish, and earthly creature that I am, I immediately tried to ask him for help and turn it into some kind of profit for myself. With all the strength I could gather, I collected the slow thoughts around in my brain, and did ask my ancient yogi guru for something, only to forget at once most of my own requests except one. I wanted him to help me meet a Goddess. After all, she appeared to Yogananda as well as to other saints.

Indian sage, Jnanadev, wrote:

In unity there is little to behold;
So She, the mother of abundance,
Brought forth the world as play.
He takes the role of Witness
Out of love of watching Her.

Yes, yes! I know that to be true! One night, as I was watching the lake lightened by the stars, the stars dancing in the waves, I dissolved and became that beauty, so blissful. I was Shakti and I was witnessing my own beauty. I was Shiva and Shakti! Energy and Witness.

Later that day, the adorable, kind looking old guru did come through for me as I was listening to the internet radio program from one of my favorite yoga teachers, Zaporozhtsev. He explained that females are much more powerful in yoga and that yoga was created by females and for females, yet, most of gurus are males and most of scriptures were written by males. He said that the male would do anything in his power to awaken the goddess within every female for in return, through her love, she could pull him out of any bad karma.
And then I came across another Jnanadev’s poem:

This absolute Knowledge is like
The intrinsic fullness of the moon,
Which is unaffected
By its apparent waxing and waning.
Likewise, that which is Consciousness Itself
Does not possess the quality of being conscious,
And is, therefore, not conscious of Itself.

I, female, could not meet the Goddess, or know the Goddess. I am the Goddess. As the Goddess, I AM every nanosecond of my existence in this form. A male, the witness, can perceive me, write about me, or teach about me. Without him, would I know myself? Every woman is a pure existence, the Goddess, regardless of her on realization of her nature or lack of it.

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