Creating Your Bridge to Harmony: Your Heart to Heart Bridge
Kids love this method! Period. The kids in one classroom gave me a spontaneous standing ovation after I shared this method with them. Because of the positive results I have achieved with kids, I’ve been called the Miracle Worker of Education and Parenting. One teacher who sat in on a session I did with three of her students, proclaimed, “That is a miracle!”
This program is specifically designed to help you create harmony with the kids in your life, without using punishment or feeling like you are losing out on what’s important to you. This program helps you build the foundation needed so your kids can thrive, a strong Missing Foundation!
You create your own fail-safe. It can prevent you from slipping backwards into negative interactions with your child. It prevents you from ruining the good progress you make.
This strong Missing Foundation, this safety net, this fail-safe is Positive Respect. At the core of Positive Respect is the Positive Respect Mindset. You can imagine it as a strong bridge between hearts. This is what helps you raise a happy child. Because the results feel so good, it quickly becomes a habit, so maintaining it becomes almost effortless.
Positive Respect
A Most Powerful Way To Eliminate Struggles And To Establish Harmony
You might ask, as some have: Why respect? Why not love? As I explained, parents do love their kids, even though often the way they are treated might seem like punishment to the kids. So they don’t feel loved.
Respect changes this situation. When you are committed to being never less than respectful, a foundation is created that ensures that your child always feels loved. ‘Never less than respectful’ means that you only treat your child in ways that feel good to them.
I discovered many years ago that treating kids respectfully brought about a very enjoyable relationship. They became cooperative instead of resistant. They were not only willing to do what I asked, they were often eager to do what I asked, because they trusted me. They became caring and respectful to other kids and to other adults. They were happier. I was happier.
I began to make every possible effort to ensure that I was never less than respectful to kids. This became the foundation of our relationship. They treated me the way I treated them.
I didn’t fully understand what I was doing at the time. I knew I was being respectful. In fact, when I was asked to share this, the phrase ‘The Power of Respect’, was what came to mind and what I used.
Years later I realized that I was actually demonstrating how to use Positive Respect. That means that I treated the kids respectfully AND I treated myself respectfully, at the same time. This little word ‘and’ is what makes Positive Respect so powerful and so different from what most people think of as respect*. That ‘and’ stands for a huge difference, a whole person difference! It creates the bridge between hearts and it results in harmony.
(*The traditional practice of respect is that you treat others respectfully, no matter what you think of them, even at your own expense. In other words, you learn to treat someone else respectfully even if you have to be dis-respectful to yourself. This practice is so common, that it is actually a modern dictionary definition of respect. In the Microsoft Encarta College Dictionary: The definition for respect says “…admiration,” that’s fine, “and deference toward somebody…” Deference means that you put someone else’s needs before your own! So they get good treatment, because they are ‘worthy’ of respect, and whether you have to suffer or not is not considered important.)
Your Positive Respect Mindset
So How Do You Use Positive Respect?
 Deciding to develop the Positive Respect Mindset is a great first step.
o The Positive Respect Mindset is knowing that there is a respectful solution and being determined, committed to finding it.
o A core belief of the Positive Respect Mindset is that you and your child are equally important. Here are the three agreements:
1. We are each important
2. We each deserve to have what we want
3. We use Positive Respect to help this happen
 There is a way that everyone involved can get their needs met, and together you can discover it.
 Three year old children have found this very easy to master once they discovered that it’s an option.
 Most likely, to some degree or another, this is going to involve adding new habits of thought and action and releasing habits that don’t help you stay respectful.
 Your love for your kids, wanting the best for them is all the motivation you need to get started.
o Once you feel the pleasure of finding win-win solutions, you’ll never want to stop.
 Use the Harmonize Fast Formula! (Coming up in the next class!)

Benefits of a Positive Respect Mindset
Here is what you can look forward to when you use Positive Respect:
 Kids
o Always feel loved
o Become competent problem solvers
o Are respectful
o Learn to make wise decisions
o Have self-respect
o Are confident
 Parents
o Get what they want without struggles
o Have more time for themselves
o Feel confident in their parenting
 Everyone works together in harmony, which creates…
o More fun
o More peace and quiet
o More learning
o More adventure
o More joy

The Harmonize Fast Formula
The Harmonize Fast Formula can work simply, quickly as long as you remember to adopt a Positive Respect Mindset. This is what makes the strong foundation. This is the bridge between hearts that ensures that it works easily. Remember the three elements:
1. We are each important
2. We each deserve to have what we want
3. We can use Positive Respect to help this happen
Level 1.....…Clarity: The Lightening Round
Misunderstandings cause many problems. I have witnessed this too much in ordinary conversations. Did you ever play the children’s game, “The Telephone Game?”** It clearly demonstrates the results of a series of misunderstandings. That’s why clearing up possible misunderstandings is the first round of the Harmonize Fast Formula.
**(In the Telephone Game, you all sit in a circle and one person, chosen to be first, whispers something to the person on their right. Then that person whispers what they heard to the person on their right. That continues until the last person in the circle. They say out loud what they heard whispered to them. It is common knowledge that it never resembles what the original person had whispered.)
This is the fastest and easiest round, and the beginning point. Sometimes simply, clearly understanding what the people involved want and don’t want, mean and don’t mean, untangles the situation, like the following story of the two sisters and the lemon.
(Two sisters lived together far from town. They didn’t talk about it, but each was planning to use the lemon in the refrigerator the next day. In the morning, they both went for the lemon. When they realized that they both wanted to use the lemon, each thought that she would let her sister use the lemon. When each ended up explaining why she wanted the lemon, it turned out that they could both use the lemon! One sister wanted the juice for lemon water, to do a one day fast. The other sister wanted to use the zest for some cookies. …Imagine how many solutions might be discovered with simply understanding what the people involved want and don’t want.)
It is important to be sure that communications are clearly sent and clearly received. It might not be good enough to assume that they understood you or that you understood them, it may be necessary to confirm the understanding. “I heard you say…” (for example, “I heard you say that you only want the lemon juice. Is that right?) ”or “So you want me to…” (for example, “So you want me to use the lemon?”) or “Did you mean…?” (for example, “Did you mean that you only need the lemon zest?”)
Once there is clear understanding, if a solution is not discovered, at least you come out of this round knowing what each person wants and so you do have a clear understanding of the goals.
Level 2…….Agreement Round
In this round, the first idea that everyone likes is the solution. This is what I learned from three-year-old children. They easily and almost instantly adopted a Positive Respect Mindset, once it was introduced to them. They were introduced to the three elements:
1. We are each important
2. We each deserve to have what we want
3. We use Positive Respect to help this happen (this wasn’t formalized at the time)
So when differences came up, they would quickly and easily find harmonious solutions…on their own…after they understood how it worked.
If the Agreement Round does not reveal a solution, you can go deeper into understanding why.
Level 3……Understanding Round
You each get a chance to explain why you like a possible solution and/or why you don’t. This gives everyone more information and can result in a winning solution. A winning solution is a solution that everyone involved likes and agrees to.
It brings to everyone’s awareness what the people involved are thinking, needing, feeling. It often only takes minor shifts that one person thinks of, but others hadn’t…and a solution is revealed.

Author's Bio: 

“The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting”: This name was given to me many years ago because I have mastered Positive Respect, and my results with kids can seem miraculous.

After completing my B.A. in Anthropology, I went to India and ended up enrolling in the Indian Montessori Training Course, where I was trained and certified in the Montessori Method by Mr. A.M. Joosten, who had lived and studied in Dr. Maria Montessori’s household from the age of 14. He asked me to stay on the year after the Training as an Assistant to the Course.

In 1973 my husband and I returned to the United States and founded a Montessori school called Children’s House. We decided to incorporate and Beginnings Incorporated, a nonprofit community service organization, was formed. Then I got State of California funding for Children’s House.
I had three children and remained as head teacher at Children’s House for 15 years. When I was invited to start Community Educational Centers in India, I realized that I needed to share what I had learned about being respectful to kids with my community.
In 1992 I wrote what turned into my first book: Friendly Families. The fourth version, an ebook, Good Parents Good Kids came out in 2016.
Here’s what some people have had to say about version two of this book:
“An easy-to-understand book that gives a bundle of ideas and communication skills for building families that function peacefully and foster the kind of kids every parent wants.”
Dr. Thomas Gordon, Author, P.E.T. Parent Effectiveness Training
“My children are so nice now!” A mother of four, approached me at the Summer Arts Fair. She wanted to thank me for writing Parenting for the New Millennium. She had purchased it the year before, at the previous Summer Arts Fair. Then she implemented what she had learned in this book. She and her children were delighted with the results.
Besides writing, I give workshops, classes, spoke on the radio and wrote for a local magazine and newspaper. I created a website, www.happykidsco.com , which includes a member site with all my writings, audios, videos, and trainings.