How To Change A Selfish Husband: I Hate My Selfish Husband

Some of the research shows that couples do adapt to each other over time and, in healthy relationships, they each have influence over the other.

So ... what are the secrets that these couples have that help them to change each other in positive ways? What do they do? What do they know about ... how to get their partner to change?

One of the first things that these successful couples realize is that it is important to choose your battles wisely ... and let go of the rest. What are the things that are most important to you? A neat house? Being on time? Helping with housework? Keeping your spouse apprised of your schedule?

What can you let go of ... The way that he chews his food? Interrupting you when you are telling a story? Her need to collect shoes? Make a conscious decision to let go of those behaviors and every time that you notice your spouse doing one of those annoying things, find a way to just let it go. Think of a positive habit or attribute that he has and why you love him.

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Here are some steps to try.

1. When you have decided what behavior that you would like for your partner to change, begin to notice when he or she is doing something different ... when he puts his cup in the dishwasher, when she is ready on time ...and make sure that you find a way to let your partner know that you notice and appreciate those efforts.

2. Think about requesting small specific changes. You might not ask your wife to always be on time; however, you might ask her to find a way to be ready in time to leave for a certain event. You might not ask your husband to be neater all of the time; however, you might ask him to hang up his towel in the bathroom. Be sure to compliment and offer appreciation for those changes. You may not be thinking that you are asking for a lot ... but for some this may be a very big change in habit.

3. Ask in a positive way. Use "I" statements like ... "I would really appreciate it if you would just put your towels back on the rack after you shower, it would make my life easier and help me to feel appreciated." Or "I know that you do not want to feel like you always have to check in with me; however, when you let me know about your plans after work ... and an approximate time for when you would be home, then I did not worry ... or call you a lot. I would really appreciate it if you would do that again."

As you recognize success in one area, celebrate and appreciate. Concentrate your thinking about what your partner is doing that you like and want to continue. What you think about and look for is what you get.

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In a simple form marriage can be defined as a social union between an 'Adult' male and female in a bonded consenting relationship usually consummated in a traditional or religious wedding. The fact that it involves a union between two adults who come from different backgrounds is an indication that there will be conflicts and misunderstandings. There's nothing like a 'perfect union', the fact that a couple live in peace and do not argue or fight all the time does not mean that the marriage is perfect. They are only tolerating each other.

Marriage can have both bitter and sweet pills. The sweet pill can be easy to swallow and that's when you decide to put up with your spouse for there to be peace in the home. At other times, things can get out of hands and you find yourself dealing with a complete stranger, this is the person you though you love, telling you to your face that ' I love you buy I am not really in love with you.' Trouble has been brewing up all this while but you failed to address it or you just simply refuse to confront. More often than not it is when couples get to the breaking point they we decide to do something about it.

There could have been one or more of several reasons that has prompted your spouse to get to this conclusion; it may have to do with your infidelity, your abusive nature, or perhaps, your lack of responsibility as a man. Whatever reason, one thing is certain you will need to actively work together to put your marriage back on track and make it the healthy, happy and harmonious relationship that you always wanted it to be.

Step one to Solving Your Marital Problems:

In any marriage, there are good and bad times. A marriage will last longer if it has a sustained good times. At the same time, if you go through an extended period of bad times-always arguing, quarreling, fighting, etc. then, there is a problem. You have to identify the problem and tackle it from the root. If your problem is an adulterous affair or money, whatever it is, you have to come to the bottom of it and find out why. If don't identify the problem, you won't be able to find proper solution.

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Step two to Solving Your Marital Problems:

Once you have ascertained the problem or problems as the case may be, you can take a practical approach to find the solution right away. This is going to require both of you to sit down and talk it over calmly and honestly. This may be more difficult than you expect. However, as you discuss, take notes and devise steps and plans to make the problems go away.

You may have to do much more than adjust your behavior in order to solve your marital problems. For instance, if your wife is the one who said "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" she has been avoiding any type of intimacy with you for weeks or months, you may be confused why her feelings for you has suddenly changed. But when you discuss it like friends, she may confess that the excess 40 pound-fat you just added is putting her off. You have to begin to consider shedding off the excess fat and be in shape.

The trouble may also be something like the fact that she feels rejected by you because you have refused to touch her in many months. If it is because she isn't taking care of herself or has put on a lot of weight, you need to be honest with her and put your cards on the table as well. Find a way around it and proffer a possible solution.

Finally, you must work together as a team for your marital problems to go away, regardless of what they may be. Never you think of abandoning your wedlock as an option. You may choose to get professional counseling if you believe that it can help. Whatever you do, always have in mind that you are working hard to change your marriage and not your spouse. It is the relationship that needs fixing and you will both have to work at it and at finding what you love the most in each other in order to spark the fire of love once again in your marriage.

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When tensions are high between husband and wife, they think that dissolving the marriage is the easiest solution. But while many countries are experiencing a shocking rise in broken families, a large percentage of divorced men and women regret the break up. In order to avoid these regrets, here are some simple advices to save your marriage from break ups.

First; be realistic. Sometimes, an element that leads to problem is the unrealistic expectations that one or both of the couples may have. Movies, popular magazines, Television Programs and Novels can create hopes and dreams that are far from reality to the real life. And when these dreams do not come true, a person can feel cheated, dissatisfied, and even bitter.

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Second; Discuss differences. A lot of people find it hard to remain calm when they discuss hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or personal failings. Instead of saying "I feel misunderstood", one of the partners may get emotional and exaggerate the problem. Many will say "You don't care about me", you only stick to your own idea" You don't love me anymore". Not wanting to get involved in an argument, the other spouse may refuse to respond.

Third; Listen and understand. Hearing has a big different from listening. Listening without interrupting is one way of showing your respect to your spouse. While you listen, try to understand what he/she is saying. Never judge your spouse based on what people told you. Last; forgive. A problem will never be settled without forgiveness. Forget what happened and move on.

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A good bulk of the correspondence that I receive comes from people (usually wives) who want to end their separation and impending divorce and to get their spouses to return to the home and the marriage. Usually they are coming up against some resistance from the other spouse who isn't sure that the relationship is at the point where it's healthy and advisable to come home.

The spouse who is hoping for the reconciliation, however, believes that once their spouse returns home, it will then be so much easier to work through their issues than it is to try to make things work from a distance. Often, they very much miss the other person and feel as though something is very much missing. They often want some advice as to how to "make" the other person return home and to work with them to save the marriage. I will discuss this in more detail in the following article.

Understanding The Difference Between "Making" Them Come Home And Enticing Them To Come Home: Before we get started, I have to tell you that I have a bit of a problem with the connotation that the phrase "making" someone do something brings about. The implication of this is that you're going to force or trick or otherwise cause someone to do something that they willingly would not do on their own.

This kind of victory really is a hollow one. The long term chance of success is not high. In order to regain higher ground in your marriage, you're going to need both of you giving your best and most genuine efforts. Your partner isn't likely to give his all if he's not even completely present and willing. So, it's best to get the idea of "making" him come home out of your head. In my experience, this is not the route you want to take. Instead, you want to entice.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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When I say entice, what I mean is that you really want him to decide to come home quite willingly and on his own. This does not mean, though, that you have to just sit back and wait for him to come to that conclusion. You can certainly present yourself, your home, and your marriage as something that is desirable and obtainable. You can set the situation and the circumstances up so that he sees the best side of it that is going to elicit the most positive responses.

Changing The Perceptions That Are Keeping Him From Coming Home: I often tell people that they have to change perceptions before they even begin to worry about changing or fixing problems. What I mean by this is that spouses will often attempt to tackle the big issues that are separating them before they even begin to address the distance, alienation, and awkwardness. It's very hard to gain any ground when your spouse does not feel connected to you. That's why trying to fix the problems and then hoping that the feelings will follow is actually doing things backward.

It's usually more effective to identify the perception problems that are dividing you. Most often, your spouse might be thinking that he is better off not living under the same roof, at least for now. He may be basing this on the perception that the two of you can't be happy together right now or on his belief that things really do not have the ability to improve or to change. These are the things that are the most important issues to address as soon as you possibly can.

The sooner you are able to show him that the things he was assuming could possibly be untrue, the sooner he has the capability to change his mind. You want to show him that the pay off from being with you more frequently is going to much greater than the pay off of living under separate roofs. You can begin to do this by making sure that your interactions with him are genuine but pleasurable and leave both of you wanting to repeat the process. Keep things light hearted. Try to have fun. Don't delve into the difficult topics or the heavy conversations. It is simple human nature to want to avoid these things in the same way that people intuitively move toward what makes them feel good about their situations and themselves.

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The Things That Usually Do Not Work In Making Your Spouse Want To Come Home: Hopefully, I've helped you to think about this in a different way. Now, I'd like to discuss the things that I see fall completely flat in this situation. I know that it's very tempting to sort of follow him around or call / text often or to come on too strong. But these things usually fall under the category of those negative perceptions that make him want to stay away. You want to always avoid those things that are going to read negative to him or to make him think things like "here we go again."

You want to paint yourself as someone who is capable, attractive, and alluring. There is really very little place for showing anger, jealousy, insecurity or negative emotions here. You want to instead paint this as there are two people who are perfectly capable of being apart but who are better off, and much happier, when they are together. Don't play games or try to bring about strong reactions from him just to get attention. Conduct yourself with a high degree of integrity so that he knows that you're playing fair, are willing to make meaningful and lasting changes, and are pleasurable to be around. These things will often work much better, and be more lasting, than strategies meant to "make him" do something that he's reluctant to do. Your best bet is to entice him to come willingly.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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