How To Support Husband Under Stress: How To Deal With Marriage Stress

We can learn from the struggles of other couples. We're not alone. How are couples maintaining a strong relationship in light of the stresses of the current economic recession? Here are 4 stories from which we can learn - stories of real-life couples.

Story #1: Peter and Carol, both 59, with three married children and 7 grandchildren, had planned to retire at age 60 and return to their home town in the Midwest (They were living and working in the northeast). A sizable portion of Peter's 401 (k) was invested in his company's stock, which took a big hit when the economy soured. Peter is the more practical of the two. Carol is the emotional glue for her marriage and her extended family. To their credit, they have developed these tendencies into complementary strengths, which came in very handy in the recent circumstances. Peter, at first, assumed that he would continue working another five year; but he listened effectively as Carol talked about the pull of home town and family. Carol, for her part, allowed Peter to lay out the financial realities confronting them. Brainstorming their options, they came up with the idea to consult with a financial advisor. He was able to show them how they could, with reasonable adjustments to their annual income expectations, go ahead with plans for retirement. Family is a very important value to them, and they included their adult children in the decision-making process because they knew their decision had implications for how much they would be able to leave behind at their death. Peter and Carol have recently completed their move back to their home town, and both are working part time in their fields of expertise, thus reducing the amount they are withdrawing annually from their accumulated assets. More importantly, they are enjoying a closer connection with family and friends and modeling a marriage that others recognize as exceptional.

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Story #2: Mark and Stacy, 56 and 51 respectively, were doing extremely well financially until the bottom fell out of the oil and gas industry in the last quarter of 2008/first quarter of 2009. Owners of a business in this field, they suddenly found income streams drying up. Though it wasn't easy, given the lifestyle they had come to enjoy, they decided together to sell their primary home in a southern city and downsize into something more practical. They also sold their second home in the mountains of Colorado, as well as a good number of "playthings" (including a corporate jet). Given that Stacy was actually spending a good part of the year at the Colorado home, the unexpected upside to this decision is that Mark and Stacy are now spending much more time together, and Mark has commented on how much emotional support Stacy provides with her positive attitude, her listening ear, and her willingness to do whatever it takes to keep them afloat financially until things turn around. Two of their three young adult kids have felt the effects of the decisions they made together. They're actually taking out student loans to complete their college education.

Story #3: Rhonda and Zack allowed themselves to get into some financial difficulty even before the economy soured. Neither of them was particularly good with money, abusing their credit cards, building more house than they could afford, and ending up more than $40,000 in debt. With one child in college and two in high school, they could see increased financial stress on the horizon. In the spring of 2008, they took steps to put their financial house in order, under the discipline of a financial counselor. Unfortunately, their plans included downsizing, but the value of their house in the current market would likely leave them without equity. They have had to put these plans on hold. Their collaborative decision-making led them to reach out to family and some very special friends in their church for what, in essence, is a set of no-interest loans (one year in length). They realize they're not out of the woods, but they are learning to live within their means, and they are now talking more honestly and effectively about their budget and expenses.

Story #4: One couple we have come to know has actually found the silver lining in present economic circumstances. Micki and Craig live in a city on the west coast. Newlyweds in their early 30's, they had felt like home purchase was out of their reach. Even with their combined income, they couldn't afford the mortgage on a decent house, and they didn't want to throw all of their savings into a down payment. To their credit, they are both conscientious savers, and they are also opportunistic. With house prices dropping in their market and special incentives for first-time buyers, they were able to get pre-approved for a housing loan that puts home ownership within their reach. They are currently looking. What's most impressive is the way they have worked together through the whole process. They have talked through the practical and emotional issues. They have consoled one another through disillusionment and disappointment. They have established agreed-upon limits to what they are willing to pay. They have collaborated on issues related to their short-term situation and their long-term interests.

What's your story?

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If you are trying to figure out how to save a marriage, you may feel hopeless and alone. You may wonder what you can do or if you should even try to salvage the marriage. Everywhere you turn, different experts are giving different advice. The same is probably true of your friends. Some say to stay no matter what while others will encourage you to leave at the first sign of trouble. When you are constantly bombarded with advice of every kind, it can be difficult to know if and how to save a marriage.

Avoid a Divorce

First, it should be made clear that divorce is not in the best interest of most married couples. While some situations, particularly those involving physical abuse, may require a separation, the majority of couples are better served by fighting for their marriage. Studies show that unhappy couples who divorce are no more likely to report being happy after their separation. So if divorce doesn't make people happy, what does it do.

Well, it breaks apart not only our families but also the foundation of our communities. If children are in the home, study after study has demonstrated that they will be negatively affected in profound ways by their parents' divorce. They are more likely to fail at school, develop behavior problems or become depressed and anxious. For the parents, divorce can lead to a financial crisis, emotional distress and chronic physical ailments. All this and more is well-documented by years of research. When taken together, these facts provide a resounding YES, it is in your best interest to learn how to save a marriage.

Rebuild Your Relationship

I don't need to tell you that dealing with marital problems is overwhelming. And it is even worse if your spouse doesn't seem interested in working with you to heal the wounds. That brings me to the key ingredient to rebuilding your relationship....

Forgiveness

Trust me, this can be the hardest thing to do when your spouse has been acting like an inconsiderate jerk for months on end. When he or she seems to purposely push all your buttons and take delight in making you feel bad, it is natural to want to get revenge. But this is the downfall of many a marriage.

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How to save a marriage is to be loving and kind even when your spouse doesn't deserve it. It is remembering that a marriage isn't a 50/50 proposition and right now, it might have to be 95/5 with you shouldering the burden if you want the relationship to survive. No, it's not fair. But it is necessary. In the long run, it means both you and your spouse will be happier.

So no matter what, treat your spouse like they are a king or queen. That doesn't mean letting them walk all over you! It just means that when you feel like ripping into them, you bite your tongue and when you have the perfect comeback, you keep it to yourself. And when they treat you disrespectfully or without love and affection, you remember that 'this too shall pass' and take the high road.

Of course, in all marriages there is room for improvement on both sides. Regardless of whether your spouse is responsible for the majority of the marital problems, there is likely something you could be doing better too. When determining how to save a marriage, you need to take a close look at yourself as well. Are you...

* Listening as well as talking?

* Treating your spouse with respect?

* Acting as though you are better than him or her?

* Respecting his or her feelings and opinions?

* Giving your spouse the space they need?

* Demanding that everything in the marriage be done your way?

* Being flexible and open to change?

Once you take a look at yourself, you will be able to pinpoint exactly what concrete steps you can take. When determining how to save a marriage, remember that you can not change others, you can only change yourself. However, as you adjust how you react in a relationship, your spouse will likely respond accordingly.

In difficult situations, it may be helpful to attend counseling or find other resources that will help you learn how to save a marriage. One such resource can be found here.

Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now.

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Things are tough and you're wondering, "What can I do to save my marriage?" Here are three suggestions that can help you to stop divorce and fix a marriage. These hints could spell the difference between happily ever after and a stomach-churning trip to divorce court.

ONE: STOP STALLING!

This one is so obvious, but it's also so important. You wouldn't believe how many people spend their days wondering, "what do I need to do to save my marriage?" but never actually take action. They wonder, think, worry and ruminate until the ink is dry on the divorce decree. If you want to stop your divorce, you need to take real action, plain and simple. You need to get busy as soon as you can.

The longer you wait, the tougher things will get. There's no excuse not to do something right away if you want to stop a divorce.

TWO: START SMART!

There's another group of people out there who decide to stop their divorces but who then fall short of success. These are motivated people who do take action. Unfortunately, they take the wrong action. You need to make sure you to start saving your marriage the smart way.

Let's be frank. You aren't a relationship guru or an expert on what makes marriages work. Those experts, however, exist and they've created some great blueprints anyone can use to save a marriage from divorce. Take advantage of their professional experience and educated insights. Get a good plan and use it. This is not the time to play hunches or to fly by the seat of your pants. This is your marriage, your life, on the line.

THREE: DON'T GIVE UP!

We hear it way too often. "I want to save my marriage, but it's just too late." It isn't. Divorces have been plucked from the brink of divorce just in the nick of time over and over again. Breakthroughs can happen at the last second. You're marriage is not doomed unless you want it to be doomed. If you want to stop your divorce, you can do it--even if you did get off to a slow start.

As mentioned, fast action is better than inaction. Late action may not be as good as nipping things in the bud, but it can pay huge dividends. The road to saving your marriage may not be easy. You might have to put in some real effort. But if you believe it's worth it to you to maintain that relationship and to avert divorce, you can do it. Don't give up.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.

Want to discover how to get your husband fall in love with you again? Well, it's not a huge secret that you have to work if you want a happy marriage and to keep the love burning between you and you dear husband, but I guess that right now you need to hear something else. I'll tell you exactly what you can do to bring back the love into your relationship and fix your marriage! Let's start right now.

Do you love your husband? I know you are probably thinking right now that it's a stupid question because you do love him with all your heart. So let me rephrase - do you show him you love him? Does he feel loved? Do you kiss him before he goes to work, when he comes home or before you are going to sleep? Those things may look ridicules after living together for 10 years or more, but that what separates between a romantic couple who love each other and two people who just rent a house together.

Do you have a time alone just for two of you? The kids and the job can make you forget about the relationship you have with your hubby. I really suggest you to go on vacation without the kids. It'll be excellent to choose a place that means a lot for you because this way you'll also bring the old feelings and memories back. You can also try a second honeymoon - it's a great idea and I personally know 3 couples that it helped them!

Now Listen Carefully-

Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here

Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com