How To Survive A Terrible Marriage: Steps To Repair A Marriage

If you and your partner tend to think the business end of a relationship is not a romantic topic for courtship, you may not discuss it until you can't avoid it, and then you fight. You may not think of your marriage as a business deal, but a huge part of it is just that.

Just like a business, a marriage takes in income, pays expenses, and is supposed to have a little profit (savings) left over. Just like a small business, your relationship has one or more sources of income, you have expenses, and, like a business, your marriage is supposed to make a profit -- to create savings, investments and equity (which a business would call assets) and have money left over in the bank at the end of the month.

As partners in a marriage you have similar financial responsibilities to partners in a business. In fact, some businesses are called partnerships, and we often use the same word for relationships. Family members are somewhat like workers, when they do maintenance, chores and homework, and somewhat like clients, who receive services from the partners, Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad are the Chief Operating and Financial Officers, who must figure out how to allocate the funds coming in, and how to provide the necessary guidance and services to their children and to each other.

In business, there's a lot of discussion about 'corporate culture' -- the attitudes and practices within the business: how employees and executives deal with each other, the ethics of the company, and their focus, or lack thereof, on meeting goals and becoming successful. Likewise, your marriage and family have a 'family culture' -- how you interact as partners and family members; your mutual goals, hopes and dreams; and how successful or unsuccessful you are at meeting your goals.

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Obviously, a family culture that involves a lot of fighting about money will be less efficient and not as successful at meeting its goals. No matter what your circumstances, creating financial security can make life easier. To do this, you must learn to manage your money wisely. The amount of money you bring in may not be large, but if you manage it well, it can be all you need. On the other hand, we have all heard stories of people who earned vast sums of money (lottery winners, celebrities or dot-com millionaires, for example) and who squandered it until they had nothing left. The amount of your income will not determine the amount of your "family profit" unless you manage it well.

When you work together to handle your finances intelligently, you can create the financial security you need to live life comfortably. When your partnership extends to making smooth financial decisions and meeting your money goals without struggling and arguing, you'll find that everything else you do becomes less stressful.

Viewing your family dispassionately as a business doesn't sound romantic, but if you can step back from your feelings long enough to view your relationship from this perspective, your financial situation make more sense, money problems will be easier to solve, and you'll be able to discuss financial decisions with less difficulty.

GUIDELINES FOR USING BUSINESS SKILLS AT HOME

1. Don't React -- Respond.
As I said in the previous chapter, neither of you would argue with the boss, colleagues at work, or a child's teacher the way you argue with each other. Even if your boss makes you angry, most likely you would use self-control at the office, and blow off steam in private to your co-workers or a friend. Then, when you had a chance to think about the situation, you'd develop a better way of handling it, and perhaps approach your boss with a thoughtful response. You can do the same thing with your spouse when you have a money problem. Instead of saying the first thing that occurs to you, such as criticism or blaming, stop and think of a response more likely to lead to a discussion of the problem, rather than an argument.

2. Use Positive Manipulation.
We often think of manipulation as a bad thing, as dishonest. However, acting in a way that makes it more likely to get a good response is not always deceitful or insidious. When you present an idea or solution, think about what your spouse would like about it, and lead with that. "Honey, you know that new car you've been wanting? I think I have a way for us to get it. We could take out some equity on the house to renovate the kitchen, we could get your new car, and the interest would be so much cheaper than a car loan." This is truthful, thoughtful, and clearly shows the husband how both of their wants can be taken care of, so it's more likely to get a positive response.

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3. Have a Formal Meeting.
Just as you would in business, sit down for a real meeting about important financial issues. Don't expect to be able to discuss finances successfully while you're on the run, when it's late at night, or while watching TV. Instead, make a date for discussing finances, and take the time to sit down together, with all the proper information, and discuss your needs, wants and means. Follow a meeting method like Robert's Rules of Order, to keep the discussion on track.

4. Take Finances Seriously.
Healthy businesses keep a close eye on the bottom line. In marriage, this means being careful about your money, but also not using money as a weapon against each other, or being irresponsible about it. A successful, happy marriage requires that both partners act like grownups. It's not surprising if you have disagreements about how much to save, when and what to spend and who makes financial decisions, because such differences are normal between people. If you take them seriously, and sit down to solve them together with mutual good will, your different points of view will become assets, not problems.

5. Check in Regularly.
As you do in business, have a brief check-in as frequently as possible. In the morning, or the night before, compare your daily schedules. Even if the things on your schedule don't really involve your spouse, mention them, so that each of you will know if you're facing anything important, or challenging in the day ahead. When you have an idea of what's involved in each others' daily lives while you're apart, you will be much more able to respond in a helpful fashion to each other, especially when sudden changes or problems arise. For example, you can say I have to pick up some clients at the airport today, and I don't know what the traffic will be like, so I could be late tonight."

When you follow these guidelines for handling money together, you'll understand each other better, and you'll both understand your goals and feel more motivated to follow the plans you make.

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Marriage and problems don't have to go together! You can overcome your marriage problems and replace them with a loving and caring relationship. It's just a matter of knowing what to do and then doing it.

It is a shame that divorce is on the rise...it's so hurtful for the couple and the children involved.

Don't let your marriage problems destroy your marriage and your love for one another! Instead, follow the principles below to breath new life into your marriage.

Principle 1 - Forgive and forget!

One of the biggest marriage problems is the most basic and important to remember: we are all imperfect and we all make mistakes. Yep, both you and your spouse make mistakes.

That brings us to the next point: we all need to be patient and forgiving with our spouse and our spouse with us. When you or your spouse is under stress, which is common these days, you are bound to be more harsh or impatient than when you are relaxed and rested. That is usually when bad stuff happens.

Why not just accept that you and your spouse are human, so mistakes, wrong words, and wrong actions will happen. Then learn to forgive and forget, and be thankful when your spouse does the same for you.

Principle 2 - Love Is Not A One-Way Street

The marriage and problems issue can be totally dissipated by understanding that love is not a one-way street, and then living that way. What I mean by "love is not a one-way street" is that love is a give and take proposition. Now notice that I put "give" first.

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The best definition of true love that I can come up with is: "Love is a choice to sacrifice for the good of another..." That's right, if you and your spouse will just commit to making your spouse happy, you both will have all your love-needs met by the other.

Love is not selfish and self-seeking...it cares for the other person. That's what makes real lovers, true lovers.

My wife and I have been married for 44 years and are still in love because we both put this principle into practice. Why? Because I really love her and she really loves me, and the love grows as we seek to make each other happy. And what fun!

That makes for a lot of loving give-and-take!

Principle 3 - Practice Good Communication

Good communication is indispensable for a happy marriage.

Good communication will always enrich your marriage...and your problems will dissipate as a result. This does not mean that marriage problems will never come, but that you will be able to handle them. And, as a result, your marriage will come out more enriched than ever.

So learn to sit down with your spouse and talk. Not to accuse, not to criticize, not to vent...just to figure out why this problem is happening and then to do whatever it takes to avoid it from now on.

That's what makes for good, loving communication.

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Marriage is certainly a complex and at times difficult thing, however by understanding some key elements you can begin to get your marriage back on track and save it from divorce today. There are so many things that people don't realize that could potentially save their marriage completely. Over years marriages deteriorate and become a shell of what they were, but that does not have to happen to you. There are many reasons for this, chief among them people begin to stop trying to keep their marriage alive and kicking. In this article you will find various methods of saving your marriage from that disaster and begin healing right away.

You can avoid long drawn out couple's therapy sessions by learning for yourself a few helpful hints. The first one of these hints is that communication is going to be your golden rule when it comes to saving your marriage. By this I mean communication must be valued the most. This is not to say that other things aren't important, but as long as you keep each other in the loop so to speak, you are on the right path. Talking to each other on a consistent basis is the best thing you can do to save your marriage because it shows that you truly care about each other and your marriage.

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In marriage, you also have to be willing to compromise certain things and put away your pride. This isn't to say that you should completely change who you are to suit another person, that is taking it too far, but compromising small things for the greater good can help a lot in the long term. Since we are all different and unique individuals, we need to be conscious of what each other needs in order to be happy. That may not be the same for you, but there needs to be a balance in order for things to work out. This also ties in with the last hint as well, sit down with your partner and communicate those needs as well as asking them what they need to be happy. It could work out better than you think.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

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