Husband Always Leaves When We Fight: Leaving The House After A Fight - How Often Does A Healthy Couple Fight

Kathy was like most women who, at some point in her marriage, wanted to find answers to why she and her partner couldn't stop fighting about everything in their relationship. And she did what most women did - decided to end the fighting, but then did nothing. However, where Kathy differed was she didn't give up.

Most of her friends also stated that they also fought with their partners. They all wanted a smoother marriage, wanted to end the fighting but one fight would lead to another and so on. They had all tried a few times but failed, to be expected, because how often do we do something right the first time we try it? Think about how long it took to learn to cook. Finding solutions is the same thing, baby steps first and then start running.

Kathy had a mind-set. The first problem she realized that she wasn't even sure what they fought about and until she could pin-point the top five things that caused most of their troubles, she could never hope to find solutions. She had to allow time to reflect on the issues that needed resolution.

The second problem was a lot harder. She had to own up to what her role has been in the past when an argument would ensue - why was she in the midst of arguments in the first place. What was her part? If she wasn't a part of fixing things, she must be a part of the problem. But what part?

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Just because she hadn't found the solution yet, didn't mean that there wasn't one out there. She was a very optimistic sort, she felt that you can achieve anything if your resolve is there. Kathy became excited when she felt compelled to achieving this in her relationship. She would do whatever it takes to find answers.

Chances are, often the only answers that will put you into a state of readiness is to be totally open to all possibilities. Kathy's main goal here was to not sabotage herself before she even started.

She had that figured out early on. She began by asking herself this key question - "What kind of relationship could we have if we didn't fight over so many things?" - that got her to the lift any censors she had in her mind. Then, she let the answers flow. She wrote down everything she could think of about their fights. After about 20 minutes, she had several things she felt she could do to end the fighting from her end.

What Kathy did next made her feel like a genius! One of those light-bulb moments when everything becomes clear. Instead of trying to end all fighting in one fell swoop, taking each issue, she put a number beside it, 1,2,3, etc. Each number represented the magnitude of the problem and next she came up with ways she could reduce the stress each problem caused in their relationship.

Her goal was to boost the quality of their life ASAP. She figured that a three-month goal would be a perfect time frame to work things out. Kathy went back, and isolated all of the conflicts she'd like to resolve in the next month, in the second month, and finally, in the third month.

Finally, she asked herself one more question - "Why am I absolutely dedicated to achieving this in the next few months?" Although she was pretty sure of the reasons, she wrote them down, knowing that her goal was put to paper, she could see what was needed, and she got down to business.

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A successful marriage is like an adventure. If a sport's person is going to a wildrerness, the adventure can lead to success or it can end in failure. I have seen that it is like that in marriage. An engaged couple can start their marriage with the excitment and thrill like a sport's adventurer only to have it fail in divorce. Like a mountain climber, the engaged couple should determine that they are embraking on an adventure that will last a lifetime. Their attitude from the outset will help them make their marriage a success.

In marriage success may be determined by the feelings of safety and secuity both personally and financially. Such goals lead to fruitfulness of dreams, goals, ambitions and family. Just as sport adventurers work toward goals, maritial partners should realize that a successful marriage also requires effort. A sport's person takes equipment that will assure him/her a safe adventure. Marriage partners need equipment like a home that is environmentally safe; they should keep finances within the economic range of their abilities to pay without credit; they should seek fruitfulness in all areas of their lives. Time, money and energy should be managed so that the family unit will feel love and joy.

With such attitudes, marriage partners can work toward a succuessful reationship.

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It takes a lifetime for a marriage to become successful. For sport adventurerers, the event may be a redetermined period of time. However, in marriage, men and women should make a commitment to keep their wedding vows until one of the spouses dies. In a sport's adventure, sometimes the adventurer makes a mistake. At that point the adventurer must decide if he/she wants to make adjustments and continue or give up in failure. Marriage parters sometimes have to make that same kind of choice. Misunderstandings, lack of communication, unwise decsions, familing health or the addition of family members may cause one partner to question continuing the marriage. Often divorce comes to mind, but a marriage that has a sound foundation of agape love and Bibilcal principles will continue in spite of the difficult situations. At this point marriage partners should be willing to seek help from role models or Christian marriage counselors. With wise advice and prayer support, marriages with problems do not have to come to the end of the rope for the adventurers. They can readjust and continue on with learning and maturity until the goal of success has been achieved.

Occasionally sport enthusiasts die while participating in an adventure. Observers may declare the adventure a failure. However in marriage the goal is not achieved until death of one of the spouses. Therefore, engage couples should consider marriage a lifetime adventure toward success. This is based upon personal experience of 46 years of marriage. Every day is a new adventurer for my husband and me.

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Are you involved in ministry to women in difficult marriages? Then, here are five things you must do:

Be transparent and real. Share your weaknesses. Encourage an environment in your relationships or groups where women feel free to share. Christians often keep their problems to themselves and put up a façade that pretends everything is perfect. Be willing to be honest about your own struggles to make it safe for others to be real.

Keep information you hear confidential. Be very respectful of the woman who is sharing the intimate details of her life with you by keeping them to yourself. Don't ask others to pray, if it means disclosing information.

Show empathy and caring by really listening, identifying with her pain, and following up.You want to minister to her by really listening and validating her pain. Even if you haven't been in her situation, you can tell she is really struggling and you can empathize with the pain. Do offer to pray, but don't forget to follow up with her to see how she is doing. Praying isn't an excuse to abandon her.

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Give practical help by referring herto counseling, written material, Twelve Step and other support groups, or other women who have been through similar situations. This is incredibly helpful and offers her help you probably can't give yourself.

When you teach, keep in mind the needs of women in difficult marriages. Mention the exceptions to things you know will cause them pain and be misapplied and misunderstood such as submission and standing up for one's rights. Don't make all your examples perfect marriages or extremely small problems when teaching and talking. This makes the woman in a difficult marriage feel even more discouraged and hopeless. It also reminds her that she is different and isn't understood or supported by other Christians.

These are five things you must do in your ministry to women in difficult marriages. If you do them, you will be offering them help that encourages and supports in ways they desperately need.

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I often hear from women who are desperately trying to change their husband's mind about wanting a divorce. Many have asked him to reconsider in a number of different ways, but they haven't yet been successful. As a result, many are looking for some strategy late in the game that will finally make him change his mind or reconsider.

Common comments are things like: "my husband told me last week that at some point soon, he was going to file for a divorce. I begged him to reconsider. I told him that we could clear our calendars and make our marriage our only priority. I suggested we take some time off and get away together. I promised that I would be a better wife and suggested that we focus on having more fun together or maybe consider counseling or a marital retreat. He shot all of these suggestions down and told me that he was not going to reconsider no matter what I said or did. So what can I do now? Because part of me feels that anything that I try is going to fail anyway. But another part of me just can't accept that my marriage could be over." I will try to address these concerns in the following article.

Since He's Told You Very Specifically He Won't Reconsider, It Often Makes Sense To Redirect And To Stop Asking Him To Do Just That: Many wives will try to keep asking him to reconsider, but they will try to do it in different ways. In other words, they will try different approaches and, although their behaviors and strategies might change, what they are asking of their husband isn't changing at all. They are usually still asking him to reconsider, change his mind, or call off a divorce.

The thing is, he's already specifically told you that he isn't going to do this. So when you continue to do what he has specifically asked you not to do, this isn't likely to earn you any positive points. In fact, it's not out of the question that he might want to go ahead with the divorce even more.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Sometimes, it helps to back off of the stance of asking him to reconsider. Of course, you're still going to want him to, but this doesn't mean that you need to constantly say it when he's already made it clear that he doesn't intend to comply with your wishes. However, just because you are no longer asking him to reconsider the divorce, that certainly doesn't mean that you're not still moving forward with a plan. You may just be going about it in a round about way which may not be so obvious to him, which leads me to me next point.

You Can Attempt To Get Him To Reconsider The Divorce Without Specifically Asking Him To Do So: Sometimes, it is helpful to do what your husband is not expecting. Because of your past behavior, he is likely expecting you to continue to make promises, to offer compromises, or to try to talk your way into getting what you want. And, as the result, he is likely to brace himself for these things and is anticipating thwarting you every chance he gets.

So sometimes, you have to come at him in a different way than he's expecting. Once you stop asking him to reconsider, he may well ask you about your change of heart. Your answer might be something like: "You made it very clear that you won't reconsider. What choice do I have but to respect that? My hope would be that, over time, our relationship will improve, no matter how our relationship is classified. In the meantime, I have plenty of work to do on myself. I hope that things change for us, but until they do, you've made it very clear that you don't want to reconsider. If you change your mind, you know that I'd be more than happy to move forward then."

A strategy like this does a couple of things for you. It takes the pressure off. It places you in a better position. And it will often make your husband wonder why you are backing off (which in turn can generate some interest from him.) And often, as a result of all of these things, he will no longer be so intent on disagreeing with you. Many wives are afraid this strategy means that you are giving up. I totally disagree with that assumption. You haven't give up. You have only stopped saying the words he has already told you that he is going to outright reject.

You will likely still be trying to get him to reconsider, but you will now be doing this with your actions instead of your words. You will be hoping that your behaviors and your ability to get along increasingly better with him are going to be the things that change his mind. During this process, it's very important that you present yourself in the most positive way as is possible.

You may well feel full of anxiety and afraid, but try to make sure that your outward appearance doesn't show this. You want to have a quiet confidence that everything is going to work out as its supposed to and you want to be approachable and easy to be around. This will ensure that you and your husband begin to get along much better and will in turn will increase your chances of him changing his mind further around the road.

Does this strategy mean that you may have to wait a little longer to get what you want? It might. But I believe that it gives you a higher likelihood of success. And if you keep right on trying to convince him to reconsider with your words, you're only throwing more of the same at the problem. In short, you are repeating a strategy that has already been proven not to work. It just doesn't make sense to continue on in the same path.

So to answer the question posed, in my opinion, when your husband refuses to reconsider wanting a divorce, it's best to stop asking him to. You can try to get him to change his mind with patience and with new behaviors instead of new words.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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