Husband Says He Needs Time To Think: Husband Not Sure He Wants To Stay Married

I sometimes hear from people who have come to understand that it's often best to comply with their spouse's request for "space." Often, the last thing that they want is a separation or a break. But often after some time, it has become obvious that nothing else is going to satisfy their spouse. Because, the more they try to talk him out of his wanting space or to try to make him content with the way that things are, the more he seems to want some freedom from you and the less happy he seems to be.

But, even though this reality can begin to sink in, you are often left wondering just how patient and accommodating you're going to need to be. So often, people leave comments on my blog asking how long they are going to wait to give their spouse his space or his time. They often ask if we are talking about days, weeks, or even several months. It's very hard to ask someone to be patient when it is their lives and their marriages that you are talking about. I understand wanting to know specifics because no one wants to leave their own marriage open ended. No one wants to be left wondering for how long they are going to be alone.

Common comments in this situation are things like: "my husband has asked for a trial separation for about six months. I tried to talk him out of it with every argument I could think of but nothing worked. After a while, I couldn't deny reality. It became pretty clear that I was either going to have to back away for a bit or risk giving up my husband altogether. So I let him move out. But honestly, it hasn't helped. He's very distant from me. He seems to resent it if I call him. If I so much as hesitantly start to ask what he's thinking, he gets very defensive. He may as well be saying 'don't call me, I'll call you.' I hear about all of these wives who eventually lure their husbands back home by giving him space and I am left asking myself how they do it and how long it takes. How much more time am I supposed to give him? Are we talking about weeks? Or months? Because even getting through the days are very difficult for me."

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I truly do wish that I could look into a crystal ball and tell you exactly how long it's going to be before or until you begin to see a shift in your husband. Because of my own experience, I know how heart breaking and nerve-wracking it is to think that you simply can't take the waiting for very much longer. I know that having patience in this situation is nearly impossible. But I also know that sometimes, your panicking over the time frame can actually make the time last longer or seem to go slower. Often, the more antsy you get and the more you pressure him, the more time you can be looking at.

The Amounted Of Time Needed For The "Space" Varies Dramatically: The short answer is that for some couples, it could be mere days before the reluctant spouse decides that he has overreacted. For others, it may take several weeks, several months, or even longer. There is no one size fits all for every couple. It often depends upon what issues caused the separation in the first place and how the separation is progressing now. It is in your best interest to try to appear to be supportive of your husband and to try to keep as busy as you need to be to keep yourself from dwelling or applying the pressure.

Your Actions And Behaviors Can Impact The Time Frame: Additionally, anything that you can do to be playful, upbeat and positive can dramatically shorten the time frame of his needed space, at least in my experience. Because as soon as he begins to believe that he is better off (and will be happier) in your presence instead of outside of it, then this is going to motivate him to come home and declare that enough time has passed and that enough space has been offered.

But, alternatively, if you are giving him more of the same conflict and are making him feel guilty for leaving and pointing out what has deteriorated for you since he's been gone, then what incentive does he really have to come back? How enticing does returning to more of the same sound to most people?

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Instead, you must allow him to see that he has something improved, fresh, and new to come back to. People need space because what is in their immediate vicinity is confusing, stifling, emotionally draining, or painful. But if you can instead convince him that the environment and the home has changed or improved, then he will not longer have the need for distance. He will want to move toward you instead of away from you.

Any Changes Or Improvements Must Be Authentic: Of course, the real trick in all of this is convincing him of this change in a very genuine and authentic way. The very worst thing that you can do is pretend that there is change when there is anything but. Because then you will have a husband come home to nothing real. And that same husband will likely leave again and be very reluctant to ever return. So you must be sure that any change that you attempt or claim is something that is real and sustainable.

That's why I find that it's beneficial to actually take your own time to work on yourself. The best thing that both of you can do when you are apart is to work on yourselves as individuals. Because you become a couple again, you are two stronger individuals who are going to make a stronger couple. Don't claim what isn't true or it will come out in the end. The best thing that you can do while having patience with him is to use that time to improve yourself, your relationship skills, and your situation.

So while I can not tell you how long you will have to be patient, I can tell you that sometimes, the less pressure you apply and the more improvements you can facilitate, the less time you will have to be patient. But in the end, it really is up to you as to how patient you will want to be. Some will decide that their spouse isn't invested in trying to save the marriage. Or they'll determine that waiting anymore isn't something that they are interested in. And others, like myself feel that they will be patient for as long as it takes to get their spouse to come home.

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Statistics don't lie. Approximately one in three marriages today end in failure and divorce throughout the developed worldwide countries. And the global statistics are even more frightening. But if you make the choice to save your marriage today, you'll create an opportunity for a long and happy life with your spouse.

Successful marriages require lifelong dedication and commitment. Many couples who have struggled with their marriages allow their focus and priorities to slip into other areas of interest. Some become overly involved with their work. Others seek friendship and emotional satisfaction outside of the bond of their marriage. Unfortunately it's all to easy to let it just slide away until the two of you are nothing more than mere roommates.

If you are ready to change the direction of your marriage away from the dark road toward divorce, you'll need to rethink your relationship and begin taking full responsibility for your actions. Busy schedules and grueling work environments can take their toll on even the healthiest marriages. As time passes, many couples begin feeling like they're drifting apart. This weakens the marital relationship and it doesn't take much to finally break the marital bond.

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Bitter arguments and disagreements abound and frustration by both parties will lead to more breakdowns in communication. This is usually when thoughts of divorce enter the picture. And when times have become their most troublesome, divorce can appear as the only real solution to this seemingly unending spiral of fear and resentment.

Marital research studies that even though divorce appears your only solution, steps toward saving your marriage can be well worth your effort.

Refocus your priorities and inner balance

In order to save marriage from divorce the most fundamental step is to regain your inner balance and rediscovering your source of happiness. Many of us search for happiness in material wealth or important social standing. In most cases people spend their time chasing happiness through life, but true happiness lies within ourselves.

Re-center your inner self by acknowledging what and who you are. Be grateful for the gifts you've been given. Begin looking at your marriage and all other relationships through a positive lense. Look for the goodness that lies within yourself and your spouse. Embrace the wonder of your life. Feel and share the positive aspects of your life with your spouse.

Attract all things positive into your life

In general, the negative thoughts will bring high levels of unhappiness. If you want to save your marriage then you need to acknowledge how to attract the positivity in your life. In your marriage, instead of dwelling on negative thoughts about how bad your marriage is, stop and revise the negativity with positivity. Practice this process whenever you feel a negative thought creeping into your mind. Stop yourself and immediately substitute it with a positive one.

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First of all I must say that I have been through your situation. I thought my marriage was ending (and surely it was) and was desperate to do anything to save my marriage. And in the end I did just that - I stopped my divorce, and my marriage is great now. So I'd like to guide you through this.

One of the most destructive things I was (and I think you are too) tending towards is overreaction and panicking because of the possibility of divorce.

You have to understand (I learnt this the hard way) that panicking, and being overwhelmed by your emotions will make you unable to consider carefully what you should do for saving your marriage. A second thing to note is that you must be in a state of mind to listen to your spouse and understand what his problems are. If you let your feelings just overwhelm you, you are not open for such things and can't save your marriage.

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You must definitely calm down. This is the state of mind I like to call "marriage-saving state of mind". You have to give yourself a couple of days to really process your feelings and how you feel about this situation. There is an old saying that goes that "you should sleep on a problem before you do anything about it" and it couldn't be told better. A divorce would change your life - so you have a lot to think about for saving your marriage.

It is completely normal to feel devastated because of an ending marriage. I know that those feelings can be overwhelming - I know this from personal experience. However, it is most crucial to find the right outlet for your feelings. At this moment, your partner is not the right outlet to release your feelings. As I said, I learned these the hard way.

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There are several things you can begin doing to save your marriage. Many of them are very simple to do, yet not everyone has a clear enough head during such an emotionally charged time to consider implementing them or the ramifications of not doing so. Most of what I will share here has the potential to either ruin your marriage further if left unchecked or bring about new talks of saving the marriage with your spouse. Here are 5 marriage saving tips that should get any struggling marriage moving in the right direction.

#1. Mind your tongue. I know that sounds silly to say, especially when you have so much to get off of your chest directly related to your feelings about this situation. But, just watch what you say and choose your words carefully. They can be just as damaging to your spouse as they are damaging to any chance of saving your marriage.

#2. Know when to walk away. There isn't any doubt that you've weathered many heated battles already with your spouse over all of this. And, there's surely more to come. But, learn to walk away from battles with no end. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that continue to escalate and no one seems to win, nor do you even really hear one another anyways. Sometimes it's better just to exit out, than to carry on arguing. This will also prevent the both of you from saying things you don't clearly mean and prevent further damage to saving the marriage.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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#3. Stop the blame game. Most of the time, it's already obvious. We're usually quite aware of our short comings and have to live with the wrongs we have committed everyday as it is. Continuing to bring it up only adds more strain to an already fragile marriage and serves as a constant reminder of why the marriage isn't going to work.

#4. Give your spouse some space to think this through. The more you stay in their face or on their case about the marriage and their decision to end it the less time they have to reconsider. You're only rushing them to leave if you don't give them time to think it through. Most of the time, leaving your spouse alone can do wonders. It lets them come to terms with their decision and can sometimes lead to new talks about saving the marriage rather than ending it.

#5. Finding a plan and sticking to it. Let's face it, none of us truly know what were doing when it comes to saving a marriage. None of us are born relationship experts or for that matter have put in the time to learn what it truly takes to save a failing marriage. So why leave it up to yourself to try and figure out how to save one now, especially when it risks losing your own. Do you and your marriage a favor now. Get a hold of some real expert marriage saving advice, strategy and plan. Follow the steps it outlines. Use the psychological tricks so to speak that have been proven time and time again to turn even the worst of marriage crisis around.

Make no mistake, this is a psychological battle of sorts. Dealing with feelings, perspective and overall equal or compromising happiness for the both of you. You have to learn what works and what doesn't work. What can cause more damage to your marriage and how you should act and carry yourself so that it re-attracts your spouse back into the marriage.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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