I Am So Miserable In My Marriage: How To Overcome Loneliness In Marriage

Marriages are supposed to be made in heaven. But what happens when yours disintegrates into a living hell and you reach the point when you say "I hate my marriage?" Marriages can be good or bad. And if you feel stuck in a bad marriage both of you will be miserable. Unless the cycle changes it's not going to get better anytime soon. When you hate your marriage everyone suffers; you, your spouse, children if you have them, and others who love and care about you and don't want to see you in misery.

This is a painful situation to be in and I've seen it time and time again with couples I've worked with. When we feel trapped in a marriage we get to the point where all we can think of is a way to get out the terrible situation we're in. We just want to get away from the pain as quickly as possible. For some people it means finding another relationship, maybe at work, maybe online, or some other way. For others they escape through drinking, drugs, gambling, or prescribed medications. Still others lose themselves in other activities, maybe burying themselves in their work. But the problem never goes away and the pain is in the air all the time.

So what are you supposed to do when you hate your marriage? Well, take a deep breath. The place to begin is actually by confronting the problem. If you get overly focused on how you're going to avoid a problem and how you're going to feel when the problem has gone away you won't actually concentrate on how to actually solve the problem.

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Where you begin is by addressing the problem up front. Before your marriage ends you want to feel like you've done everything you possibly could to save it. Remember, you fell in love with this person for a reason and things felt very different at one time. You have to let your spouse know that you're extremely unhappy with the way things are but that you want to work together to find a solution.

Let's be clear: I am not saying keep yourself stuck in a situation where you're being abused mentally or physically, or are living with a controlling or passive aggressive partner. I am saying is that there are ways to solve problems in relationships. Don't think that by jumping into another relationship with someone else you'll suddenly be on cloud nine.

When two people get together there will be problems at one point or another. The closer we get to other people the greater the likelihood that problems and differences will emerge.

So when you have problems with your spouse and you feel like you hate your marriage first try to figure out whether or not you have a future with your partner before turning your focus elsewhere. You can save your marriage if you have put energy into it.

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Unfortunately for some married couples, their relationship gets to such a bad place that they start to consider divorce as their only option. This is a real shame. I won't lie to you and say there is always a simple solution; sometimes too much damage has been done and it is the best option for both parties.

However, in other cases, it isn't too late to turn your relationship around and make a difference. But it won't necessarily be easy.

Here is the approach I recommend you take:

Talk to each other: You and your spouse will need to make an honest evaluation of your relationship and how you got to this position. Avoid blaming each other or being hurtful. Instead, focus on really taking on board what your partner has to say. You should feel as though you have made headway and have a clearer idea of what issues need to be resolved in order to start seeing improvements.

An ideal way to achieve this is through marriage counselling. Not only will you receive fantastic advice, but you will be in an environment where you discuss constructively as opposed to argue senselessly.

Make change accordingly: This tends to be the difficult part! Clearly, how you were living with each other to this point wasn't working. Therefore, it is essential that once you have discussed your marriage (either alone or with your counsellor) then you need to take action and make the necessary changes. If you avoid doing this, then you can't reasonably expect your relationship to get back on track, develop and flourish.

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Fortunately though, once you start to see the benefits that taking this action has made, the whole process of rejuvenation will start to appear far easier than you had imagined and gain a momentum of its own.

Become a couple again: When a marriage faces divorce, there are often two scenarios for how a husband and wife live with each other; one is being under same roof but living separate lives and the other is a state of constant arguing and hostility. In both cases, it is essential that you return to a civil and eventually, loving environment. Be friends again, turn to each other for advice and support, be thoughtful and do things that will make your partner's life easier and more bearable.

Put the past behind you: If you have both made the decision to stay married together, then you will need to come to a conclusion on all incidents and episodes and put them behind you. Dragging them up again and again will not help you or your spouse. In fact, it will prevent you from moving forward in your relationship and strengthening your bond.

Spend more quality time with each other: By quality time, I mean when you aren't feeling stressed or have a dozen things that you need to worry about. When you're at a stage where you have managed to successfully put a halt to unnecessary arguments and have resolved pertinent issues, treat yourselves; consider going out of town for the weekend. Somewhere where it is just the two of you and you can simply enjoy each other's company again.

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When your marriage is in trouble, where you get your advice can make a lot of difference in the outcome of the situation. Some people, even those who love you, can end up giving you bad marriage advice that can be more damaging than helpful. They may be pulling their information from their own experiences or those of someone else they know, or they could have read about it or seen movies portraying similar relationships. However, your marriage is unique to the two of you, and your problems aren't exactly the same as those experienced by anyone else. Therefore, you need a good source of advice where you can get the help you need from someone who really knows what he's talking about.

A marriage coach is in business to help you get your marriage back on track. For starters, you'll discover that he'll tell you the exact truth. If he doesn't feel he can help you revive your relationship, he isn't going to take your money pretending that he can help you. He's looking for clients who are seriously committed to improving their marital situation. You don't need to be on the verge of divorce to use a coach's services, either. Even if all you want is to rev your marriage up a notch, and even if there are only minor problems, every marriage can use a little tweaking now and then.

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It's easy to see why a person facing marital issues may be indecisive, because there are so many feelings involved for you to try and put into perspective. Some of the ways your marriage coach will be able to help you is by:

* Helping you see the hidden causes of your indecisive behavior

* Showing you that you are wrestling amongst such things as your moral values, integrity, pride, and the
desire to stick with the normal chaotic life you're living

* Making your realize that you're resisting change by basing your decisions on fears rather than sound

* Teaching you to deal with the lack of financial security

* Addressing your tendency to respond to evil with kindness.

As you can see, these are all potentially-damaging emotions that can color the way you respond to what's going on in your life. You may not even realize that this is what's happening to you. By working with a marriage coach, you'll learn how to substitute more helpful behaviors based on good rather than bad marriage advice.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.

Ask any person and he/she will tell you that marriage is a social institution and would argue that there is no any other determinant apart from the free will of the involved individuals. Social science explains the compatibility factor which is usually acceptable in describing and prediction of love and long-term marriage relationships. Few people would even dare to research about possible existence of genetic determinants in marriage. Research shows that there are more profound and real genetic variables. A man views himself as a free thinker who makes his very own decisions which determine the way he lives. The truth of the matter is, genetic work is revealing that every man has built in tendencies which dictate upon his actions.

According to a recent study, there is a possible link between genetics and divorce in human beings as well as association between animals and monogamy. Significantly, genetics affect behaviors of the subjects involved in the study. Genes might make many marriages a success. Another finding from Boston University reported that there is evident genetic influence on whether or not a marriage is healthy. Genes determine the success of a given marriage. When people walk down the aisle they are never certain whether their marriage will last forever. A team of scientists from Ohio University developed a test which they were sure could show clear indication of which marriage unions were destined to fail. The genetic determinants in marriage in this case were based on hormone levels.

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Despite the existence of the above-cited dedicated scientists to genetic research, the subject marriage usually is handled by social scientists. The vast majority of people would never think of genetic determinants in marriage. They perceive marriage as emotional expression, a social requirement, a cultural rite and a rational behavior which people have to deal with once its time comes by. According to social scientists, the values used in marriage relationships include: similarities, compatibility, psychological and social cultural factors. These are the main cards used to match individuals who are seriously seeking for love and marriage. Matchmaking services are used to offer the matching services which is based on practice and theory present in social science. It is bound to some limitations because of the applicable experimentation in the main subject issue. The limitation is also due to behavioral science used to determine the exactitude of the intended outcomes.

Genetic determinants in marriage takes a different formulation approach. It is radically based on decoding the not so obvious inborn characteristics of individuals seeking for love and marriage. It might involve use eyeballs or thumb-print to identify an individual. These are some of the unique inborn characteristics of human beings. Scientists scrutinize these unique aspects in search of similarity between two individuals. If there exists any sign of similarity in any gene contents, the parties are declared compatible for marriage. If people look for mates using the genetic method, there will be fewer divorce cases reported. Marriage will no longer be a trial and error business. Many people will have more confidence in marriage. Let us encourage our scientists to research more on the issue of genetics determinant in marriage.

Now Listen Carefully-

Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here

Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com