I Divorced My Husband Now I Miss Him: Miss My Ex Husband Terribly

I sometimes hear from people who aren't quite sure about boundaries during their martial or trial separation. Many are very clear on the fact that they are hoping that this separation will only be temporary. In a perfect world, they are hoping that they will be able to work things out with their spouse so that the marriage can come out not only in tact, but actually better. These folks are very clear on the fact that they still love their spouse and they still want to be married.

But what they aren't as sure about is how their spouse feels in return and if, because of this doubt, they should share their true feelings. Many would feel quite comfortable continuing to tell their separated spouse that they love them. But they aren't sure if it is appropriate or if it is going to make things even more awkward.

I might get a comment like: "my husband moved out about three weeks ago. He is the one who felt that it would be best if we separated. He says that he still loves me. He says that this will never change. But what he isn't sure about it whether or not he still wants to be married. He has gone through a lot of changes in his life and with his health. And he's trying to live his life as though he's not tied down. I get that, but this separation is really hurting me. When I talk to my husband, it feels so weird to know that he's not right in the next room - like he should be. It's so odd to have to talk to him on the phone instead of in our home. And, sometimes, in our phone conversations, I will just naturally want to tell him that I love him because that is always the way that we have always ended a conversation. But I have stopped myself because I'm not sure how he will react. I don't want to push. But I feel like it's perfectly natural for me to tell my husband that I love him. Because I do. And it feels odd to pretend that I don't."

I am not sure that anyone expects for you to pretend that you don't love your husband. Every one would likely know that this isn't true anyway. I certainly don't have all of the answers. But I can tell you my opinion which is mostly based on what happened based on my own separation. I think that the words that will be appropriate to use in the separation really does depend upon what is happening between you during it. Many couples are very clear that they still love each other very much and are only going through a temporary break that is going to end. Those couples will sometimes very freely express loving words and phrases and both are very comfortable with it.

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Other couples find themselves holding back on phrases of love because their future isn't quite as certain. Sometimes, this silent stance comes from only one of the spouses and sometimes, both hold back. This was the case with me. I did start out telling my husband that I loved him. But, I could not help but notice that he didn't answer me. Or, he would occasionally say that he loved me too but then he would abruptly leave and would clearly be uncomfortable. After a while, it became obvious to me that I needed to back off. And this included all of the talks of love, loneliness, and desperation. Because bringing these things up just wasn't helping my cause. I did still love my husband. Very much. But I noticed that my constantly declaring it was just making things awkward.

So I decided that, just for a little while, I would back away just to see what happened. And I was very pleased with the result. Backing off took away the pressure and this allowed us to interact in another way. It was a slow process, but it gradually allowed for us to connect again.

Now, I have no way of knowing if your situation is like mine. You may well be one of those couples who are completely comfortable expressing love for the entire duration of your separation. If you have faith that your husband will declare that he loves you just as much as you love him, then I see no harm in saying the words, unless something changes.

But, if you suspect that your husband might react negatively or feel awkward about your declaring your love, then I don't think there is anything wrong with holding off on the words, especially since the words are often unspoken. I think that not being as transparent is something necessary when things are already awkward or up in the air. I know that many might disagree with me. But I can only tell you what I observed myself and I can only say that it was obvious that things improved once I backed away from this response.

So my inclination is to say that I think the answer to this question really depends on the nature of your relationship now. If it's obvious that he's going to react favorably to your saying I love you, then I don't see a problem. But, if you have some doubts as to how he might respond, then I would wait to see if perhaps he will say it first or until it's more clear what direction you are going in, simply because you don't want to add awkwardness to the situation.

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Maybe the realization hits you so hard when your marriage seems to be over, that you decide to give up. You slide into a state of deep depression and simply wait for the inevitable to happen - the divorce. Listen, if you do still love your spouse and want to save your marriage, then it is up to you to do something about it, and NOT give up.

You and your spouse vowed to stay together through the good times as well as the bad times - this is one of those bad times, so stick to your vows and take action immediately. When your marriage seems to be over, you cannot just lie down and throw in the towel if it means so much to you - get up and do something to help to get it back on track again.

The first thing that you MUST do is tell your spouse that you need to have a serious discussion as to the state of your marriage. Tell your spouse that you still love him/her very much and don't want the marriage to end. If your spouse has the same feelings for you, then it will be easy for you to work together to stay out of the divorce courts.

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When your marriage seems to be over, communication can go a long way to reverse this situation. If there are problems in your marriage, the only way that you are going to find out what they are, is if you talk to each other. Once you have discovered what the problems are, then you can work together to fix them.

This is a great opportunity to find out what you and your spouse are doing that is making each other so unhappy in the marriage. You went out of your way to keep each other happy before, so make an effort to do this again. Start doing little things that pleases your spouse and he/she will reciprocate.

Please, when your marriage seems to be over, there IS something you can do about it. Don't just give up at the first sign of problems, face them head on and do something about them - saving your marriage IS worth the effort.

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Marriages seem to have an ebb and flow to them. They start out full of passion with both partners deeply committed to making the other happy. If you can remember back to when you first married your husband, chances are that you placed his happiness before your own and he did the same. If his feelings have started to shift, it can put you in a very difficult place. Watching your primary relationship slowly die right in front of your eyes is never an easy thing. If you still love your husband and you are committed to making the marriage work, there are some simple steps you can take, starting today, to get your husband to love you more.

The most important step you can take to get your husband to love you more is talk to him about what he feels is lacking in the relationship. Not all men are quick to reveal their innermost feelings, but if you make it clear to your husband that you want to help deal with whatever he feels is missing from your marriage, he may just open up to you. You have to do this in a non-threatening way and you can't go on the defensive or he'll shut down. Let him know that nothing is as important to you as he is. Ensure he knows that you value the marriage and him.

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Most women have no idea that one way to get your husband to love you more is to focus on yourself. We tend to put everyone's needs and interests above our own when we become wives and mothers. This can actually have a damaging effect on your relationship with your husband. If a man feels that he's not stimulating enough or interesting enough for his wife, he may give up trying. Show him that you have a full, well -rounded life that he is the center of. Find something to pursue outside of the home, be it a career or even volunteer work. You'll not only feel better about yourself, which will show your husband how much value you are placing on your needs, but it will give you two something exciting and new to talk about together.

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The dynamics of a relationship and a marriage change over time. Most commonly, it's the wife who realizes this shift first - and she asks herself, "Does my husband still love me? If not, what can I do to win back my husband's love again?".

The first indicator to whether your husband still loves you or not is how much alone time he spends with you. Of course, this time is going to change when you have kids, and your relationship with your husband changes into "mom and daddy looking after their children" rather than "partners in romantic love with each other." In those situations, the answer to the question "does my husband still love me" might be negative. But, on top of all those, if your husband is making excuses not to spend with you what little time might be available; then there is a real problem and you have to act to save your marriage.

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Also, consider how interested your husband in your life and what is taking place in it. If your husband still loves you, he will be carefully and sincerely listening to you when you tell about your life and the things that are occurring. If he no longer seems interested, doesn't wonder how it's going with your work or life, then this doesn't mean well for your marriage.

If your husband sounds argumentative, you should not overlook this when wondering "does my husband still love me?". Quite often a husband might try to create a hostile environment so that he will have a reason for being angry with you, a reason to fight with you. A fight will act an excuse for not talking to you. So, if this is the situation, don't play along and when he seems to be starting a fight, just walk away and wait for him to cool down.

If from the indicators, you have deduced that the answer to "does my husband still love me" is "no" for you, then you have to act fast to make your husband love you again. This is possible - but you have to act before he starts talking about divorce as a possibility.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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