Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen

Hey Doc,

Sometimes I think the advice I get from you and put into practice may work too well. I sometimes unintentionally attract young ladies that I'm really not interested in. When I learn of their crushes, I treat them coolly until they get the message. I know what it is like to be rejected, so I don't want to put someone through that pain, but I don't want to be misleading either. It's just like that song says: "I don't have the heart to hurt you... but I don't have the heart to love you."

My question is, how can I make it clear that I am not interested without being cruel and without hurting her feelings too bad. Thanks for your help.

Steve - who is too popular

Hi Steve,

What a problem to have! Have you any idea how many guys would love to be in your shoes? The dream of being admired by many women compels ugly radio guys all over America to apply for TV jobs. They hope that some woman - any woman - will fall for them due to the increased media exposure!

Steve, when you first meet, it's a mistake to treat a woman you're not attracted to any differently than one you're madly in love with. Why? Because, as The "System" says: "The confident man is consistent."

The confident man doesn't panic if a plain girl shows him interest nor does he let himself get intimidated if she's a supermodel. Whether she looks like Claudia Schiffer or Janet "The Stormtrooper" Reno, the confident man sticks to the same game plan.

Steve, those unappealing women were interested in you because you were naturally a Challenge with them. Your Interest Level in them was so low that you didn't fawn over them like you do with the knockouts. This makes you look confident and secure, which turns them on. If I could get you to treat the women you like the same way you treat those who look like Rosie or Monica… Wow! I could turn you into a regular Cary Grant!

The confident man's game plan is: be pleasant without coming on strong. By sticking to this strategy, he enjoys many benefits - the first of which is valuable experience. Some of you guys out there have been jerked around by users so much that you forget what genuine high Interest Level feels like. Engaging in conversation with admirers of many types can help you learn to identify authentic buying signals. Then, when you deal with the knockouts, you won't be fooled by any false signs of interest.

When you go into interview mode with your uninteresting admirers, you can learn a lot about women - for instance, why they like you. Try asking one: "When I'm a Challenge with you, do you like me more or less?" Or "If asked you to marry me, would you stay thin and never nag?" Just by kidding around with a woman for ten minutes you can verify The "System" to yourself, which will give you more confidence.

Another advantage of dealing with the charismatically challenged is the interest it creates in other women's hearts. When a woman sees you with a fan club - no matter how homely its members may be - she begins to wonder: "What's he doing to keep them so spellbound?" This is exactly what we want Miss Right to ask. As my cousin Fast Eddie Love would say, "Kitty Kats Kompete."
There's one last benefit to socializing with all types of women: you may find a girl with such a rare, great attitude, that she becomes attractive to you. Such women can often make you very happy. You may not believe what I'm saying, but just consider it a possibility (even if this doesn't turn out to be the case, don't burn your bridges - she might introduce you to one of her friends!).

No matter what the benefits, Steve, remember: when you first meet a woman, you don't need to announce your feelings - even when she turns your stomach. I know you think you're misleading her if you don't blow her off on the spot (you're afraid that if you keep her in too much suspense, she might jump off a building!), but keep in mind: you're just talking with her, so you don't owe her anything!

In your situation, Steve, the only way you could mislead an unwanted admirer is by telling her you like her (which you should never do with a woman anyway - unless she's so in love that she would take a bullet for you) or by asking for her home phone number. Steve, you didn't do either of those things - so just relax.

If you stick to one policy in your treatment of female prospects (i.e. you are pleasant with the plain Janes as well as the supermodels) and you don't make empty promises, a Feminista judge could not sentence you for love fraud, even if she wanted to.

Guys, you must get a handle on your feelings and be comfortable with female admiration. You need experience being around as many women as possible so you can cut the best deal when you finally decide to tie the marital rope around your neck.

Copyright DocLove DotCom

Author's Bio: 

E-mail me at doclove@doclove.com with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"