My Husband Is Flirting With A Coworker: Husband Too Friendly With Female Coworker

There is a new type of infidelity that is wrecking havoc to many relationships and marriages. Emotional affairs with co-workers is not a new occurrence but it is just recently that it proven to be more devastating than a physical affair. The prevalence of this type of infidelity has even resulted to a new term - office spouse. Emotional cheating happens when a husband invests his emotions, feelings and thoughts with another woman rather than his wife and this usually results to a weakened marriage.

The incidence of emotional affairs with co-workers is rapidly increasing because of many reasons. First, the workplace is where men and women spend most of their time in a week and they even spend more time with their office mates than their spouse. Another reason why this type of affair is increasing is that they work with each other as colleagues or associates all the time and it is very likely that they will develop a good relationship with each other. There are also more female employees today which have contributed to this unpleasant incident. And with the influence of tv shows and movies, a certain degree of flirting is now acceptable to the society compared to a few years back.

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Emotional affairs with co-workers usually begin with an innocent friendship or acquaintance. It is very easy for office mates to be attracted with each other because they share common interests and passion and they see each other for long periods of time in a day. Men who are in their 40s and do not maintain a good relationship with their wife are the most prone to emotional cheating.

Emotional affairs at the office is a real threat to a marriage and should be stopped right away. This is a big dilemma for most women because if they want to end the affair, they have to force their husband to quit his job. They have to choose whether to keep her husband and struggle financially or have a good financial future with the risk of having a divorce. It is always advisable to seek professional help right away either by attending counseling programs or securing online resources about emotional affairs with co-workers.

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What do you think would deem a marriage successful? Is your marriage successful or are you still working on bringing it into success? Couples may differ in what they believe constitutes a successful marriage. I have compiled a few thoughts that I think couples should incorporate into their own relationship for a successful marriage.

1. Proper Communication

In a successful marriage both husband and wife understand where the other stands on certain issues within the marriage, and are considerate of each other's feelings. They don't let matters pile up on the back burner to cause unneeded resentment and animosity later; instead they discuss issues in an appropriate manner when they come up.

2. Acceptance (tolerance, validation, forgiving, supportive)

Accepting one another is very important if you want a happy and satisfying marriage. By accepting the person you married, you are less likely to bring up faults and bad habits and later use those faults against them. True acceptance is loving the person you married in every respect.

3. Trust (confidence, faith, belief)

Couples who trust each other have more personal freedom within the marriage. There are no jealousy issues, and deceitful practices causing marital conflict. If you don't trust your spouse, maybe it is because you don't trust yourself?

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4. Giving (kind, selfless, considerate, giving)

All good marriages understand the aspects of the give and take relationship. The selfless attitude of wanting the best for your spouse is what real love is all about. When you learn to give of yourself without wanting anything in return, you are actually giving something to yourself because goodness and giving will come back to you.

5. Respect (esteem, honor, admire)

If you want your marriage to grow and be successful, you have to respect the person you married. The more you value your spouse, and make them feel good about who they are, the more they will respect you for who you are. God gave you to each other, so cherish each and everyday with what God has blessed you with.

6. Healthy Attitude Towards Self

You need to have a healthy attitude about yourself for a successful marriage. This is what allows you to be free to give of yourself and to be accepting of each other. If you have a low self-image, or you have not given up a negative past, or you are ensnared within an addiction, etc, these things will keep you from loving wholly. First, take care of you! Then you can be a better marriage partner because of it, and then you can work on your marriage.

7. Spiritual Foundation

If your marriage makes use of the characteristics above then it is supported by God's spiritual foundation. God is the one who gives us the gifts of real love. Only through Him are we made complete and whole to love others freely.

Jesus said, "Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete." (Luke 6:46-49)

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Married couples will usually claim that they have chosen divorce as the last option. But in most of the cases, this may not be the reality. I don't mean to say that people readily jump to divorce, the moment they face a problem in their marriage. But they do not explore the other options fully. This can be due to lack of awareness or lack of patience. At some stage, your mind may get conditioned to the option of divorce. Once this happens, your thinking will become limited and you are likely to lose awareness of other options available. Moreover, sometimes, people are in a hurry to get over the situation and find divorce as an easy way out of the situation.

Yet the very concept of divorce is looked with disapproval by many people. You hate something and then go about choosing the very thing you hate, under the excuse that you have no other alternative! Divorce is considered the best and only option in some cases. For example, if your spouse has cheated you by having a relationship with another person, you may feel that there is nothing else to be done except to go for a legal separation. But even in this kind of a situation, divorce may not be desirable.

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If you think divorce is the only way out, ask yourself a couple of questions:

1) What are you seeking to accomplish through divorce?
Many people may not have a clear answer to this question. Divorce is thought of as a solution to the problems faced in the marriage. But how does it solve the problem?. It only gives you an escape route. Escaping from a problem is not the same as solving it. If you can't think of any solution to the problem immediately, you can choose to live with the problem from sometime. Living with a problem may facilitate your finding a solution after some time. Anyway, you don't lose anything. You only have to bear with the inconvenience created by the problem. Since the inconvenience is likely to be at the mental level, all you need is a mental make up to accept the situation as it is and wait for sometime to find out whether any solution is possible. Divorce can be considered at any time in future.

2) Think about your life after divorce:
You know that this is a reality you have to face. Ask yourself honestly what options you have post-divorce. Will you be able to find another partner? If so, can you expect a smooth life free from problems? Do not be carried away by wishful thinking. Thinking on these lines and finding some realistic answers will help you decide whether post-divorce, your life will be better.

If you really believe that getting divorce will open the doors to you for a happier and more fulfilling life, you can exercise the option.

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By the time most people get around to emailing me or leaving comments on my blog, their marriage has typically been in trouble for a while. It's so easy to just ignore the problem and hope that it will go away until it reaches a point where you can no longer do that. It's often only then that folks will sit down, roll up their sleeves, and try to "fix" what hasn't been working for a long while.

The problem with this is that things have often deteriorated to the point that intimacy and empathy are starting to wane. Therefore, your results are likely to be delayed or skewed by this loss. Making this problem worse is the fact that often people will first try to make drastic changes or overhauls to their marriage or to their spouse without realizing two things. First, you can not really and legitimately control anyone but yourself. Second, people generally will greatly resent being manipulated and will only resist you more when you attempt this. So, in the following article, I will discuss beginning to save your marriage by controlling what and who you can - yourself and you own actions.

Why Saving Your Marriage Starts With You: As I said before, often in the beginning, you may have some difficulty and resentment if you try to manipulate, guilt, strong arm, or argue your partner into seeing things your way, especially if they've been distancing them self from you for quite some time. And, even if you could do this, it really is not the best idea because you would have gotten their cooperation, but their heart is not really in it. This is not a decision that they made all on their own so the likelihood that this is going to "stick" or be lasting is much less.

You want for them to be a willing participant in every aspect of your marriage and sometimes this means letting them come to the place that you are at in their own time. Often this takes them seeing that things actually can change and get much better and that the process does not have to feel like "work" or require a great deal of sacrifice or discomfort.

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So the easiest and best way to begin is to control what you can - which is you and only you. Start by taking a look at your own behaviors. Are you being the spouse that you yourself what want to have? Do you listen more than you talk? Give as much as you take? Make an effort to know what is going on with your spouse and do what you can to lighten their load? Do you show them understanding, appreciation and spontaneous loving gestures on an ongoing basis? If the answer is no or "not enough" to any of these things, then you already know where you need to start.

You won't be able to do a 180 degree turn in one day, but if you make small efforts each day, you may be quite surprised at the transformation that occurs in a very short period of time. Once you spouse sees that things are better without much hardship, they will very likely be much more willing to pitch in.

Contrasting Today With Yesterday: When I was in marital counseling, the counselor gave me an exercise that really both shocked me and helped me very much. She asked me to describe myself when I was my husband's girlfriend. And she wanted to know what it was like in the beginning. I had to admit that, during that time frame, I was outgoing, happy go lucky, enthusiastic, attentive, exciting, etc. After all, who isn't beaming and giving more than they take when they are first falling in love?

Then, she asked me to describe myself as I was now, as a wife. This excise was very hard. Deep down, I know that I was hurried, stressed, overbearing at times, and a whole lot less happy go lucky. But, she was having a hard time pulling this out of me. So, she picked up her phone, took a photo of me before I knew what had happened and pulled it up on her phone. She handed the phone to me and then pulled out a photo of our wedding day. The contrast was striking and painful.

I was expecting my husband to feel the same intensity toward me, yet I was not in any way putting in the time and effort that I used to. The counselor assured me that I should not use this exercise as an excuse to blame myself. She was trying to point out that often it's the circumstances that change more than it is our feelings that change. And, she wanted me to know that I had direct control over the circumstances from my end.

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Beginning To Take Control Of Yourself And Your Marriage: So many of us make the mistake of sort of floating along with our marriage - like we are holding onto a raft but not really steering it. We're floating along aimlessly in the sea of discontent but we aren't able to see this clearly until we've floated out and are facing the sharks and the harsh sun. We're so weakened and tired now that pulling or getting our self to shore is going to be much harder than it needed to be. You really no longer have to live this way.

Start changing this by just becoming more aware. What is your day to day married life like and what does it lack? See, you know what it takes to get your husband's interest to a high enough level that he "falls in love." You've already done it once. But chances are the somewhere along the way, you took for granted that he was yours and that you could turn your attention to other things that are equally as important - like paying the bills and raising the kids. But what we all fail to realize is that if we let our marriage slide, this act and omission is going to bleed into everything else in our lives and then every thing starts to change and corrode.

So, identify those things that have begun to slide and take control of them slowly but surely. If you find that the two of you don't really talk anymore, remember that you are changing yourself and start a conversation. If you feel there isn't enough affection, start changing things with you and begin demonstrating more spontaneous touching, back rubs, etc. Begin by giving more of what you yourself want. Once your spouse begins to enjoy these changes and sees that the process isn't really going to back breaking hard work, he will likely slowly start to reciprocate and once you have to people focusing on themselves, then you are really getting somewhere.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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