My Husband Makes Excuses Not To Sleep With Me: How To Get Your Husband To Desire You

Sex between the two of you was more than passionate; it was orgasmically explosive. He couldn't seem to keep his hands off you and you felt completely irresistible during the beginning of your marriage. And knowing exactly what to do to spice up your marriage and save it from a sexual affair seemed to be easier than ever!

Suddenly, your husband stopped having sex with you less and less. When asked if he stopped desiring you, he simply told you he was tired due to a long day at work. He assured you that you weren't the cause of his sexual distance, and you believed him at first. But then days turned to weeks, and before you knew it, you can't remember the last time he even touched you.

Before you know it, you're wondering whether your husband doesn't love you anymore - and if so, what the reasons why your husband is not having sex with you are as well.

What happened? Why isn't your husband having sex with you?

Male sexuality is an interesting concept to many. It's easily and most often assumed that men are hard wired to want sex and nothing but sex from the minute they hit puberty until the moment they take their last breath. These assumptions don't account for the variances in desire men may have as they enter and exit different stages in life, go through life events and even when they're involved in passionate relationships, such as the marriage you're in.

While it is true that, yes, men love and desire sexual connections greatly, the lack of sexual attention from him doesn't necessarily mean that he's no longer interested in having sex with you. Truth be told, men experience highs and lows with their sexual libido as much as women do, but many don't discuss this occurrence with their wives.

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Stress Kills Sex Drive in Men

Stress is one of the most common killers of your sex life. Sometimes, your husband can be so stressed out and internally wound up that all he wants to do is unwind when he gets home. Even if he usually uses sex as a method to distress at the end of the day, there can be moments when he's just not interested in diffusing his emotions with sexual intercourse. So when your husband tells you he's had a long day and can't bother, do what you can to relax him, and if you really want to enjoy him that bad, give him a blowjob and show him you're all about making sure he feels better.

Performance Anxiety - When His Soldier Won't Salute

In addition to stress, performance anxiety as a man ages can be an issue once his body no longer performs like it used to. Erectile dysfunction is embarrassing to many men; it can trigger feelings of deep shame and lead to a midlife crisis. A man who cannot get it up - and keep it up - for his woman is one who more than likely is beating himself up on the inside.

While there are things your husband can do to counteract the changes of aging and its effect on his sex drive and erection, you'll have to bite your bottom lip as hard as possible to show your support. Offer to extend more time on foreplay, or invite him to touch you with his fingers or make love to you orally. You want to distract him from the act of penetration and engage him in the act of sexual connection. When he's ready, he'll slip on the condom and buckle you up for the ride.

He Loves You, But You're the Problem

Sometimes it's not him, it's you. Some men lose sexual desire for their wives for many reasons. Have you gained weight recently that's made you look different? The extra 10 - 15 pounds may be a problem, especially if your clothes aren't as appealing as they used to be. Have you gotten into the habit of ignoring your appearance and feminine upkeep? Well, unfortunately that's more than enough for some men to stop desiring sex with you. Maybe you're arguing with him over bills or other issues? Then it's time for reconnection and a change in how you communicate.

If you think your relationship with him, or your external appearance is one of the reasons why your husband is not having sex with you, then try to figure out what actions you can take without directly involving him. Whenever you're ready, approach him directly and let him know you're interested in talking about ways to save and spice up your marriage if there's anything you can truly do to help!

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So many people today are sadly facing a divorce or separation. What is truly sad is that they are facing this situation needlessly. It doesn't have to be this way. There is good help out there, but there's typically one main reason people don't actively seek it: They think that their situation is so different and so unique from anyone else out there, that their marriage can't be helped.

When our marriage is in trouble, it feels feel like we're the only ones going through it. We don't hear about other people going through the same things that we're going through. Everyone else seems to be happy so we believe that our situation must be unique.

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Is this you? Are you making this mistake?

When people talk to me about how their marriage is in trouble(or possibly over), there is one piece of "save my marriage" advice that I always give. Before teaching anyone the tools they need to use to save their marriage, I want them to realize that there are THOUSANDS of couples who have walked down this same road. Your situation is not unique. Your individual problems may be unique, but the dynamics that lie behind those problems are always the same. Ironically, the road back to happiness is not unique either, and the thousands of couples who have saved their marriages have walked this same road.

The path to happiness is exactly the same for every couple! The point where you start to save your marriage may be different from others, but the dynamics, what needs to happen and how to get there is the same for everyone! Your situation may be unique, but the underlying dynamics and the path to happiness is the same.

So, let me give you the same "save my marriage" advice I give to everyone else. Don't destroy your chances of a happy marriage because you keep telling yourself that your problems are just too unique and that you're beyond help.

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3 Mistakes People Make That Ends Their Marriage

Keeping Score

A marriage is about partnership and not a competition that the two of you have to keep score of what your spouse did or didn't do. Even though a playful competition can be fun, don't expect your partner to give you something in return every time you do a nice thing for them. What happens is that this can create a power struggle between the two of you and an attempt to control each other. It also fosters resentment and mistrust, where the two things that won't help save your marriage from divorce.

One example, if one husband would sacrifice his day in playing golf with his buddies so that he could stay home and watch the children while his wife go shopping may look like a kind deed at first. But if you look at it closely and if he holds this as a "debt" when he wants something in the future, it can be bad. In order to save your marriage from divorce then you need to do something for each other without having debt, manipulation or agenda, this must stem from love and care. When this happens, then your marriage is in trouble.

Nagging Your Spouse

The sad thing about our relationships is that we learn some of our unhealthy behaviors from our parents. If you grew up with one of your parents nagging, then it is likely that you'll do this to your spouse. And I assure you that your spouse doesn't like to be nagged.

When you nag, it is like water that constantly drips on a rock and in time it will wear down. This can happen to your marriage when you nag. It will slowly push your partner away emotionally and can create a rift that can be too large to fix. If you are always nagging then you can do something to stop this behavior in order to save your marriage from divorce.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Verbal Abuse

Your words can be destructive especially if you are in a marriage. If you always say bad things and lose your temper to your partner, then you need to change your behavior right away. Verbal abuse can build an emotional toll to your spouse. Even though you feel like this is nothing but words and forget about this in a day or two, rest assured that your spouse won't.

Verbal abuse can run deep and these harsh words can be difficult for a person to receive. If you have some marriage problems and want to save your marriage from a divorce, you need to stop verbal abuse right away.

These are some things that can separate a couple. Their behavior is not only destructive but it can also be disrespectful. If you want to have a happy and healthy marriage then you need to ask yourself if you are doing the destructive things like these. If you are, then you need to change and your marriage can benefit from it a lot.

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The other day, I heard from a wife who told me that no matter what she did or said, she couldn't get her husband on board when it came to working on their marriage. Specifically, she said: "I can't convince my husband to work with me to improve our marriage. I'm not sure that I will able to do this by myself. How can I get him to change his mind because I'm pretty sure if we don't do something then we'll eventually end up divorced?"

This is such a common problem. Rarely do I see situations in which both parties are totally and equally committed to making things work. There is usually one hold out. And, as frustrating as it is, this can be OK. You actually can do a great deal to save your marriage all on your own. If you play your cards right, your husband will likely come around eventually. It's important not to push too hard as you're making real changes behind the scenes. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Improving Your Marriage All By Yourself: Many people don't believe me when I say that you can actually transform your marriage without needing your husband's cooperation, especially at first. I often meet a lot of resistance to this and hear comments like "I can't force him to want to work with me and if he's not working with me, then nothing is going to change in our marriage. I can't do this all by myself." While you will likely eventually need at least some cooperation on his part, you can certainly start the process solo. Even small successful changes that you are able to implement will usually eventually inspire him to take some action.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Often men don't automatically agree to work on the marriage because of a few things. The first is plain semantics. It's human nature to turn away from things that we think aren't going to be desirable or a whole lot of fun. And hearing phrases like "working on our marriage," often implies hard labor to a guy and he's going to want to avoid this. Another reason that we sometimes don't get a husband 's cooperation is because the husband thinks this is all a waste of time as nothing ever changes. Over time, he's become tired of and immune to trying things that just don't work or make any real difference.

Your job now is to show him that he's wrong in these assumptions. You want to begin to show him real and lasting change which is actually going to benefit him and provide positive feelings that come easily rather than negative feelings which read as being a lot of work and not really lasting anyway.

How To Start Saving Your Marriage Single Handedly: There are many ways that you can get started. I recommend that the first step be taking a hard look at your marriage and identifying where you (by yourself) could begin to improve it. What part do you play in the issues at hand? Here's a good place to start. Most people neglect their marriage in terms of both time and effort. So, if you're now willing to make your marriage and it's improvement a top priority, you will already be ahead of the game. Giving your husband more of your time and attention is going to be one of those things that reads positively and he hasn't had to do a thing.

Next, you'll want to identify what it is that you want from your husband. If you could have him change in any way, what would this be. For example, if you want more affection from him, then you need to model this by giving him more of your affection. If you want him to listen to you more, become a good listener yourself. Often when I tell people these things, I get a bit of resistance. I hear comments like "this seems backwards. How is my giving him what I want going to benefit me?" Trust me when I say that it does and if you make a sincere effort, you'll see that I'm right. By modeling the behaviors that you're wanting to see, your showing and not just telling him how you want the marriage to look. He's not going to resist this because you are the one doing all the work and he's the one who is benefiting.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

And, once he becomes more fulfilled and satisfied and begins to see that things actually can change without the process being too terribly painful, he will start to come around. Because a spouse who is happy is going to reflect this back to you. An example of this is when you first begin dating. The two of you couldn't do enough for each other and as a result, both of you were happy without feeling that either of you were making overwhelming sacrifices. The key is to really be honest about what you want and then to just show him (and yourself) that more of this can exist in the marriage without too much difficulty.

Delaying The Serious Talks About Your Marriage: A common mistake that many people who are trying to improve their marriages alone is that they will telegraph what they are doing. They will come right out and tell their husband or wife that they are going on a solo journey down save our marriage lane. This will often make the spouse who is on the fence defensive or uncooperative. You don't need any additional resistance, so just begin all on our own without giving them any heads up. You can explain more later once things are much better.

And, you shouldn't try to have long, drawn out talks about why the marriage isn't working or to try to convince him to air out your dirty laundry or to share your deep feelings. Men are extremely resistant to these types of talks anyway and you want to focus on making positive changes in your marriage, not drawing attention to what is wrong. Of course there will come a time when this will need to happen so that you can fix the problems, but wait until he is on board before you attempt this.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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