My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything Fun: Husband Socializes Without Me - Why Do Some Husbands Lack Affection

I often get correspondence from wives who tell me that their husband is no longer affectionate and loving. Sometimes, this is only a recent event. But other times, it's been going on for a while. Very often, the wife tries to ignore this at first, telling herself that her husband is just under some stress right now and that things will get back to normal when things calm down a little.

But this doesn't always happen. Sometimes, the lack of affection seems like it's here to stay. It eventually becomes a habit that is quite commonplace. And, eventually, the wife sometimes decides that she just doesn't want to live this way. She knows that one of the reasons that she got married was to feel love, affection and appreciation from her husband.

Many wives suspect that if they can figure out why he's no longer affectionate, they can begin to address the problem in the hopes of eventually fixing it. So, in the following article, I'll list the most common reasons that I see for a husband's lack of affection.

Your Husband Might Not Be Affectionate Right Now Because Something Is Deeply Bothering Him: Often, a man will withdraw his affections when something is going on in his life which he feels is disappointing or lacking in some way. These stressors aren't always about your marriage. Sometimes, they are his job or his lot in life or even his extended family. Or it could even be the everyday obligations that just wear him down.

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Still, a husband who is connected to his wife should just want to be affectionate as an unconscious extension of the way that he's feeling inside. If he's not doing this, then he's disconnected from his emotions, usually for some concrete reason which may or may not be apparent. He may or may not share this with you.

But generally, something has disappointed him or some expectation has not been met. Perhaps he's disappointed with his life in general or maybe he's not liking the way that the marriage is going. Sometimes, as a result, rather than expressing his feeling or telling you what's going on, he simply withdraws and retreats. This is where the lack of affection comes from. Whether it's a conscious reaction or not, he's distancing himself from whatever it is that he feels is lacking.

Please don't misunderstand and think that I'm insinuating that his lack of affection is a valid behavior. I'm not and I don't. I'm just trying to explain what I've seen to be true. Men are not as likely as women to discuss what's bothering them. They'll often withdraw instead, even if this isn't the best thing to do.

Your Marriage Culture Might Have Staled. You May Now Be In The Habit Of Merely Coexisting: Sometimes, you have a husband who used to be very demonstrative and affectionate in the past, but this is no longer true today. Somewhere along the line, the passion cooled and the two of you turned your attention to life obligations and day to day responsibilities. This is normal and happens in most marriages. However, some can handle these turbulent waters better than others.

Sometimes, this shift in priorities contributes also to a shift in feelings. Things begin to feel sort of stale and routine. Often times, when this shift happens, people sort of shrug their shoulders and theorize that you can't be obsessed with one another forever. So, no one really fights this process. And this "cooling off" in your marriage sort of becomes part of your culture. But, it's likely that you both miss it, even if this is conscious or not.

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It's important that you don't just let this take it's course, even if you think that you're both comfortable. Why? Because this leaves your marriage very vulnerable to any number of things that could seriously damage it. I often hear from people who tell me that this lack of affection and connection contributed to infidelity and separations. This is just not something that you want to ignore. And the more of a habit this becomes, the harder it is going to be to change this habit.

Fixing Things When Your Husband Is Not Affectionate: The worst thing that you can do right now is to ignore the problem. Don't pretend like nothing is wrong when you know that it absolutely is. You are much better off taking direct and swift action. If you've not yet addressed this with your husband, there is nothing wrong with telling him that you miss the intimate gestures, the hand holding, the hugs, and the feeling of connection. Stress that you need this to feel loved and secure.

Sometimes, you will bring this up and your husband will tell you that this is all in your head. He may even become irritated and frustrated. In this instance, you probably should not continue to harp on this when all it gets you are negative reactions. Instead, you act "as if." What I mean by this is that every time he does even a little bit better on the affection front, you lay on the positive reinforcement quite quickly and act "as if" you already have what you want. You praise him, tell him how good this made you feel, and then give him more of what he wants as an exchange. This allows him to see that his small efforts are hugely worth his while and he will likely continue so that you are both getting what you want.

Sometimes, you will have to demonstrate the type of behavior that you want by treating him how you want to be treated. Once he sees the positive pay off from this, he will likely follow suit. The whole idea is to focus on the positive - not the negative - and to make him want to do better because he knows that it will make you both happier.

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Life is unpredictable and so is marriage. And so you sometimes get surprised to know that the married couples you thought were going to last for their lifetime have separated or divorced. It's sad to think that the relatives and friends you know who have been married for long years and who have given you inspiration have split up and for good. This then gives you a little fear as to how your marriage will fare moving forward.

Fear not, however, and take the effort to review your married life. Experts point out that there are habits you have in the past that can signal the future of your relationship. Scientists have identified certain indicators that can assist married couples in determining the problem areas in their relationship before the worse things can happen.

Did you know that how you describe your relationship in the past such as your good and not-so-good times can predict the status of your marriage in the future? The prediction is said to be 90 percent accurate so you might want to analyze this part. And the next time you share your love story many years ago with friends and colleagues, you should know better how to tell it in a way that shows your togetherness.

Another thing you should avoid is to misjudge your marital relationship. You might be surprised to know that it's not always right to say that couples who have less fights will last longer than those who often argue.

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While earlier studies covering newlywed couples have found that those who rarely argued were satisfied and happy in their relationship, the findings of recent research have reversed. What researchers have found years later is that couples who were often engaged in bickering successfully settled their issues and had a greater chance of enjoying stable marriages. On the other hand, those who avoided conflict early on their marriage were found to be having problems or were already divorced.

Conflicts do happen in marriage and they're normal. But what matters is how couples handle their issues and sit down to talk and find solutions. Communication is always essential as this paves the way for spouses to understand each other's views and sentiments. It has to be two-way communication and one that is done in an honest and sincere manner.

Tolerance is another trait that couples should learn to develop. Without this, it's easy to just give up on your marriage. But if you have this and you are committed to saving your marital bond, you will learn to understand your partner and find ways to make your relationship better moving forward.

Marriage is not a trial and error thing that when you don't like what you're experiencing, you can just quit and leave. It takes effort from both spouses to work out problems and to strengthen the bond. Sure, there will be problems along the way but you are capable of finding solutions if you strive hard to discuss things without having to fight.

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Marriages are made in heaven so do the problems associated with it. Dealing with out of place conflicts, irrational arguments and illogical egos one might think of this. When these confrontations metamorphose into bitter and unpleasant state of affairs, counselling is the best way to give your dying married life a pump full of oxygen. The counselling is based on the fact that timely response, and expert advice can save marriage life from distressed situation thus, creating happier and more content living.

Counselling is practiced by trained psychotherapist with at least two years of professional experience dealing in emotional and mental problems in family and marriage context. They should be highly trained and should have the proper educational background on marriage therapy. The counselling is performed on an average basis of 12 to 24 therapies. It believes in solution oriented discussions. It can be done in groups or separately.

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Three different patterns of counselling are adopted by the experts. The most practiced is the psychoanalysis method where the origin of marital problem is discussed by comprehending the personal history of the subject and spouse. The other pattern is based on need of the underlying interaction between the two. The communication problems or the role of the other family members also comes under scanner in this pattern. Another hypothesis works on open sharing of feelings. Workouts for building a mutual understanding and emotional honesty are being exercised. One more strategy to develop behavioural and language mannerism is in fashion as well. The conversation between both the parties is recorded until the purpose is achieved.

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Many young single Christian men of today are growing up not knowing what it means to be the head of his home, even though this is what God intends for him. "For the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." Ephesians 5:22-23

Many young single Christian women believe that submitting to their husband's headship means to be a doormat. Why have the churches not taught the true reason behind a wife's submission? Did you know that marriage is the living symbol of the relationship between Christ and the church? When Christian men and women do not adhere to their God-given roles they are rebelling against God's plan for them.

The churches do not talk about the importance of marital roles because they do not want to aggravate any wives that go to that church. But if the church is not teaching what Christ taught then isn't our Christianity going to be in ineffective? To be a Christ Ones means to follow Jesus and emulate his teachings in our lives, right? Then what's going on?

Sadly, many Christian men of today are becoming conditioned into believing lies and what they see in Christian culture as truth. But the only truth is what God says for them. They are not following and trusting in Jesus, but in the world, and this is why many marriages fail. A Christian marriage will not stand up under the pressures of society telling them how their marriage should be.

A misinformed Christian man is likely to marry a woman who has made her career more important to her than the marriage. Neither of them realize this at the time, but a woman working while trying to raise children "in the Lord" and trying to keep an organized and managed home life, and keeping husband happy will cause much chaos within the marriage.

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Resentments will flare? Arguments will fester. Bonds will break. And intimacy will become a thing of the past. Couples begin going their own way, just because they are NOT LIVING their marriage for God. They are not following Jesus. No one is really happy as they each strive to make more and more money so they can keep up with everyone else around them.

Someone in the marriage is going to do something stupid, possibly immoral to get some sort of fulfillment for his or her hectic and unhappy life. They both need encouragement but neither is encouraged enough to offer any. They will believe they are not in love with their spouse anymore and want a divorce. This all happens because we aren't following the teachings of Christ for our marriage. We're so rapt up within ourselves and the world around us, that we are neglecting our marriage! "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3)

The bottom line is, a marriage based on a rocky foundation will be rocky! It's not enough for Christians to just believe in Jesus. They must DO what Jesus teaches! They must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow Jesus. A Christian must bring the principles and teachings of Christ into their marriage by practicing them every single day.

What should a young Christian man thoroughly understand before getting married? "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her". Ephesians 5:25

What should a young Christian woman thoroughly understand before getting married? "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18)

A good Christian marriage starts with a Godly based foundation. Christians are responsible for their own spiritual health. Don't rely on others to tell you what scripture says, or only what they want to tell you-read the bible for yourself and ask God to give you the answers and guidance you need and he will provide!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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