My Husband Says He Wants A Divorce But Says He Loves Me: Husband Wants Divorce Out Of The Blue

Sometimes, I get emails from wives asking me to explain what it means when a husband says that he loves you, but is no longer "in love" with you. Many feel that this is a serious contradiction in terms. How can someone claim to love you, but then not be "in love?" What is the difference? And, with such a vague statement, how in the world are you supposed to respond and what can you do to change this?

In the following article, I will answer these questions based on what husbands who visit my site tell me. Many of them are honest because they don't know me personally, I'm an objective third party, and I'm not their wife or her friends. So, below, I'll explain to you what these husbands tell me about their feelings.

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How Can He Love Me, But No Longer Be In Love?: OK, let's get right to the heart of the matter. Because I know that you want the answer to this question more than any other. In truth, the answer to this question really comes down to semantics. I'll explain this more later, but right now, I'll tell you what is very probably going through your husband's head.

See, what husbands tell me is that they respect, admire and actually downright love the attributes of their wives. They tell me that she's a good mother, a good friend, a good wife, and that she's their "rock." They respect her, value her, and love her as a person. But, what's now lacking is that weak in the knees feeling that he used to get when he looked at her and the way that fireworks used to go off even after the most innocent touch.

Now, I must tell you that as a woman, my reaction when husbands are telling me this is: "well for goodness sake, how old are you, 21? Because with a few kids to raise and a household to run, neither of you are the people with no responsibilities who could just focus on one another and interact with googly eyes." But, I know these feelings to be valid and common for men because my husband felt them himself and almost divorced me. And, I know from the intense work that we did that it's very possible to get these feelings back.

The reality of the situation is often this. Men often do not have the emotional knowledge to know that those feelings are just stagnant - but not all together gone. Neglect has made the spark smaller, and right now, it's smoldering, but with a little attention, it can be a hot, roaring fire in no time. Men do not understand this. They think that when it's gone, it's done. Our job is to show him that this just isn't true.

He Thinks It's A Lack Of Chemistry, But It's Really A Lack Of Attention And Time: When men describe this falling out of love business, they often use words that have to do with the spark and the chemistry between you: "the passion is gone," "the spark has faded," or "we interact like friends rather than lovers." Rarely do their phrases talk about getting this back. Most of them assume that once it's dead, it's dead.

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And, when I ask them what they are doing or could do to reignite this, they either stare blankly or shrug their shoulders. They just don't think this far out. They don't realize that it's the marital circumstances that have changed, not their wives, not their chemistry or spark, but the amount of time and effort that is required to allow these things to happen naturally. You both have jobs or responsibilities that eat into your ability to completely focus upon them and this is completely understandable. Almost every marriage suffers from this.

But, the result is often that you can't or don't put in the time necessary to maintain the bond that makes them feel the "spark" that they often talk about. In truth, being "in love" is often nothing more than the way you make them feel about themselves. It's completely pleasurable to feel like you're the center of someone's world, and that you are lovable and desirable enough to garner so much attention. Of course, this makes you weak kneed and starry eyed. Who doesn't love it when someone looks deeply into their eyes, listens intently to what they have to say, and cares deeply about their day to day experiences?

I can almost guarantee you that if you were to be successful in recreating the atmosphere that you did when you were first dating, you'd find yourselves deeply in love again. I've seen it happen countless times. Because you already know that he adores the person that you are. First, he's married you and he's recently told you as much, quite directly.

But, in the chemistry and intimacy departments, you're falling short. He feels like one person in an arrangement that should be two. You must change this. If you can propel yourself forward until you're in a place where there is the give and take of time, attention, fun, and affection, the rest is going to fall into place.

Getting Your Husband To Fall Back In Love With You: I've alluded to this, but now I'm going to say it directly. Things are actually probably aren't as bad as you think they are. You actually have a blueprint to this guy's heart. You got him all googly eyed over you once before. Now, you just have to dissect that process and repeat it. It helps to think back to what attracted him to you, but I can make this a bit easier for you and tell you what men tell me. They want your attention. They want your praise. They want your affection. And, they want to feel like you absolutely understand them - even their flaws. And, with this understanding comes total, unconditional acceptance. This often requires for you to clear your schedule, listen without interrupting, and to give them the same consideration as you did in the beginning.

Many people will ask why they are making all of the concessions. Maybe this is true at first, but as he sees that you are making the effort, he's going to respond in kind and suddenly, you'll find that you are both a lot happier and fulfilled. It's a cycle that very often just naturally happens when you are sincere. I've seen it happen countless times.

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Have you ever wondered what it takes to make a good marriage? It takes work, and it takes a commitment to keep making it better. Most people don't realize you have to put some work into your marriage if you want it to remain as good as it was on your wedding day. This is why divorce statistics are so high and why people are in a troubled marriage.

Thankfully there are a number of things you can do to improve and keep your marriage a happy one. Take a look at 10 marriage tips that will help make your marriage a better one.

1. Acceptance: You should accept your spouse for who they are and not try to change them into someone they're not.

2. Remain Positive: A negative person will bring negative energy and hurt into a marriage. You should always try to remain a positive person no matter what the two of you go through. Always try to turn a negative into a positive in your lives.

3. Spend Time: It doesn't matter if you watch a movie or just go for a walk, you have to spend more time with your spouse. Spending more time together will make your relationship stronger.

4. Don't Make Threats: If you get into an argument with your spouse you can make the mistake of making threats. Making threats such as saying you're going to end the marriage is a bad move. Making threats will only make your marriage worse not better.

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5. Communicate: Communication is key, especially if you have a problem you should communicate that problem to your spoue so they know the problem your having. The worse thing you can do is not communicate with your partner.

6. Do It Before Asked: After a while of being married you should know what your spouse expects of you. Once you have reached that level you should try to do what they want before they even ask you to do it.

7. Keep Your Self Looking Good: Some married couples stop taking care of themselves and stop trying to look their best after a while. This may be because they are more focused on their children and their household more than themselves. It will make a difference if you try to look your best every once in a while even if your not going out.

8. Compliment: Everyone likes to hear compliments and your spouse is no different. So when a compliment is due give it to them.

9. Courtesy: Being polite and courteous shouldn't only be for strangers. You should also use courteous words with your spouse such as excuse me, thank you, your welcome , and please.

10. Listen: Listening is important for good communication and you will be surprised about how much more you can learn about your spouse as time goes on. Listening involves trying to understand where your spouse is coming from not just hearing them talk.

Keeping a marriage good takes work but it takes much more effort to save one. These 10 marriage tips will help keep a good marriage good and help save a marriage that has turned upside down.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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If you are in a marriage and you don't need any advice to improve it, then you might be living in denial. Every marriage can make an improvement and a bad marriage can get better. Here are 4 ways you can make a bad marriage better and improve on a good one.

1. Every Day Do Something Special: Every day when you wake up you should do something special for your spouse. Make an effort to put a smile on their face each day. Be spontaneous, unpredictable, and do something your spouse never expected.

2. Make Your Spouse Your First Priority: You can easily get involved with your job, hobby, or even your kids and almost forget about your spouse's needs. When your marriage turns bad you have to bump your spouse up to the number one spot. Do not focus so hard on being a fantastic parent that you forget to be a fantastic spouse.

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3. Learn What Makes Your Spouse Feel Good: At this point in your relationship you should have a good understanding of what makes your spouse feel good. You should continue to give your spouse whatever it is they like. If you don't know what makes your spouse happy then you can simply ask them. Try to treat them the way you did when you first fell in love.

4. Communicate With Your Spouse: You have probably heard of this before, but if you don't communicate then your marriage will never get better. Tell your spouse what's on your mind, good or bad, and talk about it openly. Your spouse cannot read your mind so don't expect them to know how you feel if you don't tell them.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

What can a couple do to save a marriage and turn it around for the better? Everything might look hopeless, but don't give up on your marriage just yet. Take a look at 3 tips for saving a marriage and making it even stronger than before.

1.Avoid Making Personal Attacks: Arguments are unavoidable in a marriage, but when you argue to make personal attacks, your marriage will not have a chance of surviving. The purpose of any argument is to resolve the issues your having. Try your hardest to make your arguments constructive. If you continue to use mean comments towards your spouse, you will never reach a resolution and you will dig your marriage into a deeper hole.

2. Keep The Romance Level High: Lets face it, a marriage can get boring after a few years. Boredom is actually one of the reasons that causes a marriage to fail. Try to do more exciting and romantic activities with your spouse.

3. Become Your Partner's Biggest Fan: Maybe you have a family member or friends that make negative remarks toward your partner. If you do, then you should stand up for your partner. Make efforts to reply with a positive comment about your partner. By not participating in these negative discussions about your better half you will replace negative thinking with a positive out look on your relationship. This loyal approach will also earn the respect and love from your partner, and it will bring the the bond between the two of you closer.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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