My Husband Says His Money Is His: My Husband Is Controlling With Money

Money can change everything even relationships. Experts agree that money and other financial problems are one of the main reasons why couples end up in divorce. Although they say it's not primarily the amount of money that's the source of conflict among married couples but more on the difference in the way they spend money as well as on the lack of constant communication.

Spouses should, however, find ways that can help them determine where the problem is in order to save their marriage. What counts the most is consistency in making these positive efforts towards solving financial conflicts as soon as possible and not allow them to drag for a long time.

Make sure that you nurture your marriage moving forward. In short, make your spouse feel loved and cared for as often as you can. Did you know that those who feel neglected in their relationship have the tendency to do some impulse buying even though they cannot afford the item? Other times, there's a tendency to blame the other for his or her spending habits. So if you can, avoid hurting the feelings of your partner so financial issues won't be brought up.

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Spend only on what you can afford. This is a must because sometimes, couples can be carefree in spending their money without thinking about their finances. They can go on an expensive holiday or buy items the so like eventually ending up regretting what they did when they realized they've spent so much and are left with very little savings.

In line with this, make sure to practice humility in your life. Be content with what you have and don't be envious of your neighbors. Stay away from the habit of keeping up with the Joneses because you will only find yourselves in debt and experiencing stress moving forward. Get rid of that insecurity by not comparing yourselves with other couples who are big spenders.

Don't let your spouse feel you're the more powerful half. Even if you're the breadwinner regardless of whether you're the husband or the wife, it's never a good attitude to behave as if you're the leader of the band and you can call the shots any time. If possible, don't let your partner feel guilty. What's important is you let the other know about your thoughts on spending the family's finances. Work out how you're going to spend on your money on the basic needs and how you're going to save for your future.

Another vital aspect is communication. Lack of open communication can lead couples to doubt each other in terms of their spending habits. But constant communication can solve problems and help you find the right ways on how best to budget your funds. Talk about your priorities and look for areas where you can cut back on your expenses. Set a regular schedule for your money talk so you will know where your money is going and how much is going to your savings. When you're able to do this, you'll find out that you can actually work out your financial issues without having to argue and raise your voices.

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The institution of marriage and the doctrine behind this institution is scared and adorable to entire humanity. It not only gives human beings a solace in the partners but also establishes a profound sense of dignity with cultural and social bondages. This lineage between man and woman is to be understood with clarity and confidence. Every individual must seriously and objectively look into the subject of marriage and divorce. As Blaine J. Fowers says in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, "the virtues necessary for a good marriage include self-reliance, self-responsibility, self-awareness, and the ability to communicate and negotiate one's needs and desires in the relationship."

It becomes clear that the sanctity of institution of marriage is to be upheld sublime so that the human beings progress and propagation continue in a constructive and healthy manner. The understanding of individuals, who were unknown until yesterday are united and begin their life on a cherishable note. The tradition and values in oriental societies are more binding and close knitted as in comparison to western societies. As the profile of individual changes drastically after marriage, hence, the initial period of marriage is very crucial between the couple. It requires a comprehensive understanding and compromises. This is the period of adjustment for both. The golden rule of success is that the bedroom and what transpired therein should remain within the four walls of a bedroom.

It is equally important to know and understand what repercussion divorce causes on the couple and on the immediate families. Let us examine divorce:

It is certainly advisable to reconcile the issue regarding divorce. The differences arise and if not attended well in time then it leaves a bad taste in the mouth. In the olden days girl's parents insisted that in spite of differences, the couple must be advised in a friendly atmosphere rather than confrontation. Amrita Mulchandani, appropriately described, "Today, relation comes with an expiry date."

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The modern era is witnessing divorce escalating at an alarming rate globally, more pronounced among Muslims in oriental regions? If we analyse and investigate the root cause and the forces behind these developments, then a clear picture will be evolved. The girls are becoming more dominating and uncompromising. On the other hand, the lads are getting impatient and their expectations are very high. What they lack is clear vision and perception of family values and ties. They have to make a paradigm shift in their line of thinking. Both must understand that it is the mutual respect, love, affection and family relations, which matter most. Both must respect their elder family members and shower abundant love on youngsters. The elders of both sides should also exercise restraint and give these young couples the reasonable amount of time to understand each other and their families.

The most important aspect of life is the adoption of non-materialistic approach in our daily routine. Again, people must have trust and faith in Almighty, who has created them with a purpose. The universe provides us lot of opportunities stretching between favourable and unfavourable circumstances; hence it is our duty to exploit them for a betterment of humanity. The people must bear in mind that their relationship with families and respecting the feelings of others are of paramount importance. Couples and their relationship are based on moral ground and ethical values. The smooth passage of life will progress if these values become a contributory factor to well being of others. There are exceptions as well.

There are people, who is arrogant and belief in cheating the opposite parties. Their arguments are based on lies and deception. They also become ungrateful and unthankful. In this scenario, the only way to tide over the uncomfortable situation is to seek divorce in an amicable and respectable manner. Those who seek divorce for gaining monetary benefits will repent later and also face wrath of society.

The root cause of all these unhealthy and unethical developments is the people's relationship, which is based on the foundation of lies and cheats. As the root cause of all diseases is obesity, similarly the root cause of all evils is lying. Hence, it is an extremely important to refrain from these evils and follows the path of truth and honesty. It paves the way towards clarity and transparency. It also develops trust not only among the couple but within the immediate families of the couple.

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What therefore god hath joined together let not man put asunder - Psalm-ST. Mark. 10, 9

Emotional distress in strained relationships and marriages are increasing by the day. Modern technology has given man many a comfort in daily life. He has become more lazy and arrogant. Loved ones are no longer close to man. Instead, man finds pleasure in seeking other forbidden fruits.

When partners in a marriage spouses start to quarrel and if they are really young and immature, it is had to bring them back together. They may not see reason. In such situations, counseling and prayer may be of help.

Fighting for trivial causes must be avoided because marriage involves not only two persons who love each other but their families and friends also. The emotional breakdown is not worth it.

When a marriage is dissolved it brings forth a lot of problems like dislocation, money matters etc. When these factors are looked into before dissolving a marriage, i.e. if the partners are wise enough to think of these before calling it quits, then they will realize that the cause of the fight is silly and not worthy of any sacrifice. And they will compromise.

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Aggravating a problem must be avoided by close relatives and friends. When advising a couple we must be careful not to put oil in a raging fire, i.e. we should not antagonize the partners. Otherwise they may take wrong decisions.

Sometimes a fight if slept over a day or two will be forgotten soon. So it is better not to fight back unnecessarily and create chaos and confusion and a disturbed house. My mother-in-law always says when my husband and I quarrel that she will not interfere when we seek her advice because according to her a husband and wife will fight one day and love the next day. So if she were to take sides, she would be the fool. I took this advice from her and more and keep my mouth shut, zip it up when my husband tries to provoke me with words or actions. After some time, he gives up when I do not react and soon the whole matter is forgotten.

Real love will stand the test of time, so give up your ego and pride, love unconditionally, even if your partner is not worth it because they will one day realize your value. Why jump from frying pan to another fire?

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Love is a strange emotion. When you are in it, you wish to be with your lover all the time. You feel jealous when the person gives his/her time to any person other than yourself. You do not want any person or thing to come in between you and your lover. You want to have her at all cost. She becomes your most prized possession.

Being possessive about people or things we love is very natural. We are possessive about everything we love. People become possessive about their cars, their house or their country. The parents who love their children wish to see their children always before their eyes. A loving husband cannot live without her wife. A loving wife wishes to have the husband only for her and cannot imagine him having an affair with any other person.

Why love is entangled with possession? Being possessive is also the source of all pains that are associated with love. You feel pain when your loved one feels pain. Sometime this pain may be even greater than the actual pain suffered by your lover. It is for this reason that pain and suffering are said to be another names of love. A famous poem of Indian Sufi poet Ghalib says,

This Love is not easy,
Just know it in this way,
It is river of fire and
You have to cross it being submerged,

Love is Special

Love, is a special emotion that engulfs the human mind. It is the most unusual emotion experienced by human beings that is full of happiness, joy, miseries and pain. Sometime, people try to create an ideal concept where love can exist between people without pain. In the words of Bhagawan Rajneesh:

My vision of a real humanity is of pure individuals relating to each other, but not tied in any relationship. They will be loving to each other, but not being possessive of each other. They will be sharing with each other all their joys and all their blessings, but never even in their dreams thinking of dominating, thinking of enslaving the other person.

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In the quest of the search of a loving relationship without pain, man has discovered other relationships. The most beautiful of them is friendship which is love without being possessive. If you have friendship with a person, you cannot become upset if he or she have many more friends like you or he pays more attention to other. If he is not good friend to you, you can always find another friend and leave him. There is not much pain involved in this breakup.

You are also not much concerned with the moral values of your friends. It is not difficult to have friendship with a person who may have just the opposite value. You are not concerned much if your friend is having relationship with another person, or he is corrupt or he is dishonest in his business.

However, if you love a person, you are concerned about everything that your beloved does. If he is following the wrong path, you cannot remain silent. You have to try your best to see that he does not follow the wring path. It is because; you know that you cannot leave the person you love due to your possessiveness. You seem to be so connected with the person that his emotions have become one with you. Therefore, you know that his pains shall also be yours and you have to do everything to avoid the pain of your loved one.

Love is Possessiveness

There can be no love without being possessive. Love joins the souls of the person by an unbreakable and invisible thread. All our happiness and pains comes due to love. It is due to our love for people that we feel happy when they are happy and we feel pain when they are in pain. You do not feel pain for a person if you do not love him. You may even feel happy if your enemy has pain. Possessiveness is therefore, not negative but a positive attribute of love since we extend our self to encompass the person whom we love in a way that we become one with him. In reality, we do not possess our loved one, but it is the loved one who possesses us.

Life is a mystery which can not be explained either by science or by scriptures. Truth has a body and a soul which we call science and religion. Contrary to popular perception, they are not opposed to each other but complement each other like body and soul. In fact, they can not exist without each other.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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