My Husband Told Me He Wants A Divorce: How to Communicate With the Spouse Who Wants a Divorce When You Don't Want to Split Up

I very often get emails from spouses (most often wives) that want to know how to talk with or express their feelings to their spouse whose mind seems to be completely made up about divorcing. The spouse who wants to save the marriage is often quite frustrated because he or she feels that she could sing and dance and / or do somersaults and none of it really matters. The opposing spouse is not listening. Their mind is made up. The situation feels quite desolate because a divorce seems so life changing and final. The committed spouse is searching for the right words or attitude that is going to make their spouse sit up and take notice and they hope that all of this will help them to avoid a divorce.

I know this first hand because I lived this situation during the time period that was among the worst in my life. Since I've begun to share my experiences, I've learned that there are some strategies that most definitely work better than others. In the following article, I will offer my observations on which communication strategies get more positive results and which often just don't work.

Remain Calm, Logical, And Approachable: First off, it's nearly every one's inclination to bring forth the dramatic actions and the phrases that are perceived to get the most immediate response. However, although the dramatic might feel right or necessary, it often will only bring you further away from what you want. Think about it. How well do you yourself respond to someone who is reeling, out of control, and acting like someone who is not themselves? This often reads as desperate and unattractive.

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Instead, you will often have much better results if you do your very best to only interact and communicate with them when you can be your strongest, most rational, and attractive self. You want for them to know that they aren't going to get a negative reaction and therefore don't need to avoid you. There's nothing wrong with your disagreeing, as long as you express yourself in a way that makes it feel safe, conciliatory, and positive as the dialog is taking place.

What you're attempting to establish is open and unguarded communication in which you both feel free to say what you really feel without the fear that you're going to be judged for it or will suffer negative repercussions. This spirit will make the compromise and give and take that is necessary to work this out much more likely.

Don't Try To Do Too Much. Settle For Baby Steps And Don't Push: It's usually unrealistic to think that you're going to be able to talk your reluctant spouse into committing to thinking that your marriage has no problems or is blissful when you both know that this isn't true. You may need to settle, at least at first, with just lessening the tension and improving the vibe between you. It may be necessary to consider just buying some time a success in the early stages of this process. Don't push for too much of a commitment. Settle for just little improvements along the way.

If you push too hard, your spouse might retreat and then once this happens it may be ever harder for you to gain ground as they pull away and retreat even more. They're also much more likely to listen even less once you push too much. It is so much better to move too slowly than to attempt to move too fast.

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Don't Try To Fix Issues That Are Too Big For Where Your Marriage Is Right Now: Many people will assume that if they can just fix the huge and big issues that are standing in their way, then everything will eventually be OK. The problem with this is that if your spouse is pulling away or isn't connected to you, the marriage, and the process, fixing these issues is going to be next to impossible anyway. And that's just one more demand that you are making when you are already on very shaky ground.

You are much better off trying to slowly reestablish the connection and the commitment before you even begin to delve into deeper waters. Once this happens, navigating your problems are going to be so much easier anyway.

Create The Perception Of Strength And Scarcity: You always want to be aware of how you're being perceived. And you do not want to be perceived as someone who can not live or survive without someone else. This is just not attractive. You want to always conduct yourself with strength, dignity, and respect. And if you're not at the point where you can do this, wait until you can. Also, you have to remember that something that is perceived as somewhat scarce is perceived to be much more valuable. What I mean by this is that you should not always be available and agreeable to any and everything.

Make sure your spouse knows that you have other people with whom you can't spend time (I mean friends, of course.) Display yourself as someone who is busy, capable, and coping. When you are able to do this, you will most often find that he will be much more receptive to you than he would've been if you were coming at him from a position of weakness rather than from a position of strength.

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If you are facing marriage failure and you would like to do what you can to prevent it, you have lots of different options and methods to choose from. This article will go through a few of them and help you possibly save your marriage.

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Be nice to each other. This seems like the most obvious advice there could possibly be, but ask yourself when was the last time you did something nice for your partner? It's something we always do when we first meet, but once we get to know our partners a little the habit can soon drift away. The harder you work at making your partner's life pleasant, the more likely they will return the favour.

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Learn to voice your objections effectively. If there is something you are unhappy about in your life, learn how to explain it to your partner without making them feel responsible. If you can get your thoughts and complaints across without sounding like you are attacking them, it's much more likely to be resolved.

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Don't flirt with other people. A moment's flirting can cause deep running problems in any marriage. The moment your partner doubts you, even for a split second, everything will become suspect. Everytime you are late home from work, or every quiet phone call, it will all seem like you are trying to hide something. A real recipe for disaster.

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Learn that neither of you is in charge. It's a team, a partnership. If you behave like one person has the final say, it will gradually cause resentment from one or other of you, and once there is a resentment present, it's very hard to get rid of.

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How to resolve marriage issues may have become the question of paramount importance in your life right now. If that is the case, perhaps the most fundamental factor that you need to keep in mind when it comes to understanding how to resolve marriage issues is communication. In the end, you will only be able to resolve marriage issues effectively if you keep the lines of communication open between you and your spouse. There are some pointers to bear in mind when it comes to opening up and maintaining communication with your husband or wife during times of trouble.

In regard to communication and how to resolve marriage issues, the most important pointer or tip to follow is to make certain you do not attempt to communicate when angry. The reality is that if you do attempt a dialog when passions are inflamed, you actually will do more harm than good. You will end up not only failing to communicate in such circumstances but you definitely will make the difficult issues between you and your spouse even worse.

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On a somewhat related note, understanding how to resolve marriage issues through positive communication it also is important for you to plot what you want to say in advance. In the end, if you do not plan at least some basic talking points before you sit down for a conversation, you will end up not having the most effective exchange possible. You should also politely suggest that your spouse take a moment to prepare some of the specifics that he or she wants to address as well.

Finally, you do need to always keep in mind that communication is a two way street. This is definitely the case in a situation when you are striving to effectively learn how to resolve marriage issues. Therefore, you must be completely prepared to listen (and to listen closely) to what your husband or wife has to say. Odds are that one of the reasons you are facing marital problems arises from the fact the one or the other (or, as is more likely, both of you) are not the best listeners in the world. By listening and trying to come to a clearer understanding of your spouse's position regarding marriage problems, you will have a far better chance of reaching a reconciliation sooner rather than later. You will have a much better chance of saving your marriage and enjoying happy times into the future.

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Divorce is never easy and it is a painful experience to go through. If you want to stop your divorce and save your marriage, you have to get it started by being positive first.

You have to believe that a divorce can be stopped at any point of time even when you are the only one who is trying hard to save your marriage.

Firstly, when you to stop your divorce, never feel afraid that you will lose this marriage. You will likely to beg or show your desperation in wanting to get back with your spouse when you have that kind of fear in losing this marriage. Surround yourself with positive people so that you will not have too much negative thinking.

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Secondly, in order to stop your divorce successfully, you need to find out the problems in this marriage. Make some plans to stop the mistakes. It is a fatal mistake not to identify the problems and argue about it. Remember, never try to defend for yourself when you are hearing out the problems from your spouse. Listen and do not be afraid to admit your mistakes.

Thirdly, learn to find out what your spouse wants or needs. Being able to identify what he or she wants will be able to let you answer their needs better. Your spouse will greatly appreciate your understanding towards them and will slowly have a better attitude towards you.

Finally, you can't possibly change your spouse thinking to be exactly like yours. Instead, you should try to accommodate what can be done to make both of you feel better. Express your sincerity to change this marriage and do it patiently. Do not try to force your way out to win them back. When it is done in a right way, you will see improvement in your marriage.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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