My Mother In Law Hates Me For No Reason: Mother In Law Pretends To Like Me

In-law problems are often an integral part in many marriages today. These can range from just irritating and annoying problems to down right nasty ones. Although there are some psychotic in-laws for the most part they most part really love their children, and even you, their child's spouse. They are jealous, afraid, or simply not understand you.

In this article I'm going to show why the best way to get rid of these problems and to have a workable relationship with your in-laws is by focusing on small things and not the whole picture.

1. It's "now" focused. In order to solve a problem, you need to be thinking of what you can do at the present time, not just in the future. It is crucial to create a working plan that will help things in the future but you need to do something NOW in order to start changing things. When you look to change small things you can do something RIGHT NOW. Try to listen to your mother in law, call her up to say good morning, and take the effort to keep things on the right track This is how big things begin.

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2. Less risky. Be realistic. Don't get discouraged when something you have planned does not quite work out the way you wanted. Often times after you have invested a lot of time, money and energy, things backfire. Try to concentrate on changing little things. In this way, if something does not work out, the hurt will be minimal and you will be able to find the motivation to keep trying. All your ideas to fix things up and create a good relationship will be up against tough resistance when dealing with stubborn in laws. Try little things so if you fail you'll be able to try something new.

3. Insurance for the future. The old saying goes, "A stitch in time saves nine". If you get into the habit of paying attention to the details of a situation, in the future if something starts to go off track, you will be able to catch it and fix it before it gets worse. For example, If you need to avoid certain conversations because you know from the past, it never turns out well, you will need to find something else or some other way to get your message across.

In law problems have a way of creeping into marriages and ruining them. You have to deal with them before it's too late. Don't waste so much time just trying to think and analyze how to correct the situation all at once. Look to improve little things. You can start right away, it's less risky and it's a good habit to get into in order to avoid future problems. Stick with it and you will be amazed at the results; it might end up that you will even like each other!

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When couples come for marital counseling or couples therapy, they are usually in a significant amount of emotional pain and turmoil.

They are frequently angry, resentful and quite hostile toward one another and one or both of the members of the couple may be considering separation or divorce very seriously.

In addition, they are very invested in blaming each other and accusing each other of being the "cause of the problem."

To make matters worse, communication between the members of the couple has often deteriorated to the point where the husband and wife cannot understand each other's viewpoint on various issues.

While it is useful for the members of the marital dyad to "vent" and get some of their feelings of frustration and anger out into to an open forum with a therapist present, the couple needs to move beyond this kind of arguing if their therapy is to be effective and if they are to heal their wounded relationship.

While some husbands and wives who come for therapy have already decided they they want out of their relationship, others want to see if they can fix things by changing and by better understanding each other.

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For couples who do come to psychotherapy with the hope of mending their marriage, it is quite useful for the spouses to begin to categorize their behavior in one of two ways.

In other words, I encourage couples to decide whether the behaviors or attitudes in question are relationship destroying or relationship building.

If they are relationship destroying actions, you want to eliminate them or engage in them less frequently.

For instance, drug or alcohol use tend to be relationship destroyers for many marriages.

The same can be said or extramarital affairs.

Conversely, being supportive and helping out with parenting and house chores tend to have a positive impact on relationships and fall into the category of relationship builders.

The same can be said about things like date nights, being supportive, offering to help, remembering special occasions, working as a team and romantic evenings.

Once husband and wives can look at their actions and their impact on their love relationships in this manner, they can begin to see what they need to modify to improve their marriages.

If your marriage is in trouble, take a look at your actions and see what you need to add what you need to minimize or delete to fix your relationship.

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How good do you think you are at understanding men? Some women struggle with this a lot. Ultimately, it doesn't come back to how much you understand your man, but how much you understand people in general. When you're in a leadership role, for example and you have to lead people from different backgrounds, levels of experience, age groups etc. you have to be able to empathize with them all at the same time. If you can't do this, there's going to be anarchy and that's how it's going to feel if you can't do the same with your man. Here's how to empathize better and thus get more respect from your man.

1. Assume Nothing

Everyone has different sets of values. Something that you wouldn't give a second thought to might be something that's extremely important to someone. Something that you would die for might only be a passing thought for someone else.

This is how people get off to the wrong start. People show their opinions about other people's values and then there's a misunderstanding that one is more important than the other. It's always subjective.

2. No One Knows Everything

It comes back to how much you know about someone's set of values. For people who think that they are always right, they seem to not realize that facts are only beliefs that you truly believe in. Science isn't perfect and neither is religion. Try to prove this to people who are religious or scientists and you'll be met with derision.

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It's always about having an open mind and accepting new ideas. In a relationship, you might consider your man somewhat clumsy but what he didn't tell you was that he might have issues with coordination that he's been working on for a long time and this is as good as he's ever been.

3. So Where's The Line?

This is where you might ask, so where's the line? If nothing is 100% correct, then how sure are we of anything? How do we know if we're ever right?

Well, we don't. That's the thing. People always assume things, every day. We shape our world based on our preconceived ideas about life and where we fit in. That's why when you're angry or in a negative mood in general towards something, always realize that there could be a perfectly valid explanation for it.

Understanding men isn't that hard if you're good at understanding people. We always make mistakes and assume things. We prejudge things, based on our own value set. Don't judge your man if there's something about him that you dislike... there very well could be a good reason for it that will make you feel terrible after learning about it.

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Everyone in life has problems. No matter what you have been blessed to be born with, no matter the family you belong to, no one is exempt from having problems.

Yet there are those who seek to blame someone when things are not going right. That someone, sad to say, typically ends up being God. People blame God for every problem they have, every obstacle they face and every unpleasant situation they cannot resolve within themselves.

There are some things that must be accepted if a person is to find the right perspective when dealing with problems. Consider the following;

1) God is good - there is no evil in God. According to James chapter 1 God cannot be tempted with evil and He does not tempt anyone else with evil. Even though bad things happen, a good God cannot be responsible for them. God is incapable of doing wrong so it is not wise to accuse Him.

2) Life is not fair - sometimes life sucks. Bad things happen to good people. You do everything right that you know to do and it still comes out wrong. Happens to the best of us. Problems do not have a name. Rich people with plenty of the good things of life available to them get hit with sickness and laid up on a bed. Healthy people find themselves struggling with family problems. You are a good parent but spend your parenthood dealing with a problem child.

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3) Someone probably has it worst than you do- no matter how hard your life is, there is someone who has it worse. A man complained because he had no shoes until he met a man who had no feet. A woman complains about not being married until she hears about a woman killed by a crazed husband. There are people facing problems that many of us would not be able to deal with nor overcome. When we look at the abject poverty in other countries and the many disadvantages they face it is hard to believe that our problems are worse.

4) Instead of complaining over what you don't have, be grateful for what you do - A son sees his rich father die. He hurries to hear the contents of the will because he is thinking he is about to inherit everything. Yet he finds out his father left it all to charity. The son is angry because he did not get any money. Yet he learns that what he should be grateful for is a father who loved him instead of complaining over what he didn't leave him

God is not our problem. We need to make sure we don't treat Him as if He is.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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