Separated But Living Together: How Do I Reconnect With My Spouse When We're Living Together, But Separated

In today's economy, it's not at all unusual for couples to continue to live together even when they are going through a marital separation. Sometimes, the couple truly hopes that the separation isn't going to mean the end of their marriage so they continue to live together. And other times, one or both of them might like to live apart, but they really can't afford to pay for or support two households. Many people assume that living together during your separation means that reconnecting or reconciling is going to be a little easier. This isn't always true, although this situation can have its advantages.

You might hear a wife in this situation comment: "my husband and I still live together although we are completely separated. My husband wasn't happy in our marriage. I realized that we had our problems but I never stopped loving him. I still love him today. And I would like to reconnect with him so that a reconciliation is eventually possible. But I don't think that my husband will be receptive to this. He pretty much keeps to himself. He isn't rude to me or anything like that. But he doesn't really talk to me or seem all that interested in spending any time with me. He's been staying late at work. I think he's doing this because he's trying to avoid me. So how can I reconnect with him in this situation?" I'll offer some tips for this in the following article.

Accept That Any Progress Is Likely To Be Gradual: If your husband is already showing resistance to reconnecting, then it's likely that this is going to be a gradual process. Because if you push too hard too soon, you run the real risk of your husband avoiding you even more. He may try to make sure that he isn't home as much or he might just openly resist your efforts.

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It's important that you set a pace where he isn't going to resist and you are both going to be comfortable. The idea is that you move forward as you can. You may try to make a couple of overtures to see how they are perceived. If you have success, then you will know that you can slowly move forward. If he shows resistance, then you'll either need to back up or try again in a different way.

Make Sure That You Make This Process Lighthearted And Fun: From my own experience and from stories that I hear about on my blog, I firmly believe that you often have much more success in reconnecting with a reluctant spouse if you take the pressure away. What I mean by this is that it's often in your best interest to not be so serious. I know that this might sound absurd. After all, we're talking about whether your marriage succeeds or fails and this is a very serious matter. But it's just human nature for people to back away from things that cause pain or awkwardness. Along that same idea, its human nature to move toward what is fun or what makes you feel good.

It takes real skill and trial and error to maintain a sense of play and light heartedness in a difficult situation such as this one. But if you can do this, I believe that it will often go a long way toward helping you reconnect. This will often seem counter intuitive. After all, how does watching a funny movie solve your marital problems? It doesn't. But it does allow you both to just relax and enjoy one another's company. And you often really do need to bring back the sense of ease with one another and the bond before you can solve your biggest marital problems.

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So often, people have this backwards. They think that they can't reconnect until they solve all of their problems. They figure they will eliminate the problems and only then will they reconnect. But often what they did not consider is that it's very hard to solve your problems when you are so stiff, angry, and awkward with one another.

But if you can successfully bring back a sense of play and whimsy, your problems will seem to shrink. They will become easier to deal with. And your spouse is likely to be more receptive to you. The bottom line is that sometimes in order to reconnect, you have to step back and take your focus off of reconnecting, as odd as that might sound. Because this takes the pressure off. And once that happens, you can have some fun, relax, and rediscover one another.

I know that this all might sound a bit crazy. But what harm would it do to just try it? Think about what your spouse sees as fun or a good time and then try to introduce that, in a very laid back way, into your household and see if you get a positive reaction. If not, wait a while and try again. I suspect that you'll find that you get a more favorable response than trying to force your spouse to reconnect when he's resistant and when things are awkward.

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When you first become aware that your marriage is in trouble it's important to begin taking swift action. The longer you set around and do nothing constructive about it brings you that much closer to a divorce that you don't want. For many of us though, we are lost in terms of where to start. This can sometimes lead to increased anxiety and panic to save your marriage which will normally work against you. To prevent yourself from wasting any more time, here are three critical steps you can take right now to begin saving your marriage.

As I mentioned above, you're probably experiencing a lot of emotions right now that whether you know it or not will only stall your efforts to save your marriage further. They will get in the way of the steps needed to save your marriage and will in fact derail any progress you may make. So the first step without a doubt is dealing with these emotions as they creep up and learning to not let them control what you're going to say and do. If you've already been caught in the midst of some pretty heated battles or discussions over your spouses decision to end the marriage then you know what I'm talking about. You may have already went over the top and said or done some things you regret. Looking back, you probably wish you hadn't as you can see now it only made your situation worse.

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Another important step is to stop yourself from rushing your spouse out the door. You have a lot on your chest and it's perfectly natural that you feel an overwhelming need to express how you feel at every instance that's made available to you. But, did you know that if you continue to use every moment that you and your spouse cross paths to discuss the marriage, how you're upset and even crying or begging for them to stay in this marriage only adds extra stress on your spouse and increases their desire to leave? Not only that, but if you're not using these moments to your advantage to carefully "hand hold" these conversations into positive talks about saving the marriage. Every moment counts at this point and needs to be used effectively or communication between the both of you will cease to exist.

The next thing that really increases your chances to save your marriage 10 fold is to find a plan for saving your marriage that works. One that's based off of real world experience in saving marriages and not just some pie in the sky theory what might work. You can't afford to take any chances or gamble your marriage on theory. You need real steps that have been proven to save marriages time and time again. Without something to guide you in the right direction and at the same time explain to you why your marriage is failing and the best possible way to fix it, you're just shooting in the wind so to speak. Take the time to study it, take it's steps accordingly and give your marriage saving efforts the advantage it deserves.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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Do you see that your marriage is ending? Are you afraid of a divorce, and are you asking yourself "how do I save my marriage"? If that's the case, I want to congratulate you first. Marriage demands faith, sacrifice, commitment and responsibility. I congratulate you for not taking the "easy way out" want trying to save your marriage. If only more people were like us and tried to save their marriages.

The reason why I said ".. like us" instead of "like you" is that I went through very difficult times in my marriage too; I too thought my marriage was hopelessly going for a divorce when my husband made it clear to me that he didn't want to remain married any longer. But I couldn't just accept that - like you. I stood there and fought on - and I have won. I have saved my marriage, and our marriage is better than it has ever been.

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The first thing you have to do is get rid of the depression and desperation that overwhelms you when you realize that your marriage is ending. Desperation will make you do desperate and very damaging things to your marriage, like applying pressure on your spouse and begging to save your marriage. If you are already doing this, quit it immediately!

Another crucial step in answering the question "how do I save my marriage" is understanding that people will want what they can't get. Don't forget that apologizing, begging, and appearing desperate all the time will make you easy to have! To stop a divorce, you must quit behaving in such a way that you appear to "would have died if your spouse wasn't with you". You must realize that your spouse won't return to you out of pity - your spouse will return to you only if you still attract him or her. And to make that happen, you must stop acting needy and pathetic.

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Stop hitting the wall! What you are doing is not working! If calling him at all hours hasn't worked by now, it won't ever. Yes. You miss him! The whole world (and he especially) already know you miss him and want him back. You (and he) are probably tired of this whole whiny, clingy new you. So, what can you do? The absolute unexpected! Nothing! I know you don't believe it, but your sudden loss of interest will peak his!

Yeah, you read that right! As off-course as that may sound, you must stop what you are currently doing. It should be apparent by now that what you have been doing... Is. Not. Working! Stop what you are doing, shock him absolutely and stop chasing after him. Now, do you have plenty of time on your hands! That is the great news. Now is the time to relax and think about what could have been done differently (read: better) in your relationship. A relationship is a partnership, remember there is plenty of blame to go around!

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Stop gossiping about him. Stop asking all your friends about him. Start spending time with your family and friends to discover what you have been missing in their lives. Find new friends. Start experiencing your life as an individual. Give him plenty of space and time to become curious about his loss, you! He will start to wonder why you suddenly seemed to have 'lost' interest in him! Give him the opportunity to re discover you and why he fell for you in the first place.

His life will suddenly change! Something is definitely missing from his life, you. Maybe, he secretly liked all those desperate, late night phone calls. Now all that is gone. What happened? Did you fall off the face of the earth? No! You are taking steps toward building a better relationship with yourself (first) and then someone else. He will want to know the source of this sudden change.

Spoil yourself, for a change. Go shopping with the girls. Spend a day out at the spa. Learn some yoga. Visit local museums. Join a club. Learn a new language. Find ways to occupy your time that are interesting to you. In time, he may decide that your new interests are his too! He may very well become the one calling or e mailing you! BE BUSY when he calls! This advice may sound to high-schoolish, this secret WORKS! His appetite for you will be thoroughly whetted and he may just come knocking!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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